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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really mad at my BF ?

64 replies

Alyssa80 · 05/05/2025 23:01

Hi,
I'm in a long distance relationship. At first we would call each other everyday and text multiple times a day. Where he lives, he doesn't have access to affordable internet so when we moved to calling only once every two days, I didn't mind at all.

About a month ago, he started going 2,3 days no contact. I tried to tell him I needed a little bit more communication but he dismissed my feelings.

Last Sunday we had a brief phone call after which he pocket called me and I heard a female voice (didn't understand what she said) then he hang up. I tried to call back right away but he didn't pick my call which made me feel like something suspicious was going on. I texted him that "I now get why he's been acting aloof lately".

The next day he called me, told me the pocket call happened when he was on his doorstep chatting with his neighbors (A guy and his girlfriend). He said I was nagging him and acting unreasonably because I couldn't be in a LDRS and not trust him. Then he said we would now make daily facetimes if that's what I need to feel comfortable.

It's been a week now and he didn't call, not once. He texts but no call.

He's supposed to visit me in June (already went through the visa process, booked his flights etc.)
So now here I am, literally boiling because his behavior really makes me feel like he doesn't care at all about my feelings or my needs. I don't want to bring the subject up again because he'll say I'm pestering him.
I've decided to stay put so it's been 8 days of random texts or facebook video links.
AIBU ? Part of me thinks since his making the time and effort to come visit me for an entire month, I should overlook this call thing. Another part feels like it's not just about the call per say but about the nature of this RS. If I'm not important enough for him to take 30mn in an entire week to call me, what's the point of even coming all the way here ?

OP posts:
MoreChocPls · 05/05/2025 23:03

Why on earth are you bothering with him? Seriously, get a proper relationship with someone normal.

CalleOcho · 05/05/2025 23:04

It’s not really a relationship if you only speak once every 2-3 days.

How often do you meet up in person?

Are there any plans of one of you moving and living together? If not, I’d end the relationship. This is no way to live.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 05/05/2025 23:05

I wouldn't bother with him.
He's obviously lying to you @Alyssa80

Shitmonger · 05/05/2025 23:05

Get rid of the loser. It sounds like he’s in a relationship already anyway.

pikkumyy77 · 05/05/2025 23:08

Stop! Drop! Roll away from this relationship. Absence increases a great love and extinguishes a small one as a great wind fans a forest fire and extinguishes a candle. —de la Rochefoucauld.

DorothyStorm · 05/05/2025 23:09

He isnt interested. How long have you spent in his physical company?

Original poster
Alyssa80 · 05/05/2025 23:20

we see each other every 2/3 months. Usually we spend 2 weeks together. In june he's supposed to come for a month. We haven't decided yet who would move but we set a goal: one more year to make a decision

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 05/05/2025 23:35

Sounds like a waste of time, I'd let him go.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 05/05/2025 23:56

Alyssa80 · 05/05/2025 23:20

we see each other every 2/3 months. Usually we spend 2 weeks together. In june he's supposed to come for a month. We haven't decided yet who would move but we set a goal: one more year to make a decision

I don't think you need a year to decide that this is a hopeless relationship.

EggnogNoggin · 06/05/2025 00:03

Of course he's "making the effort" to visit, it's a free holiday and there's a 50% chance he wants tool move here so knows he needs to keep you sweet for a while.

catlover123456789 · 06/05/2025 17:48

Are you in the UK and hold a British passport? Does he live in a country where he might want to move to the UK at some point but getting a visa would be difficult? Is there any chance all of this may be so he can get a visa to stay in the UK?
I would think very carefully about whether you want this to continue.

Terrribletwos · 06/05/2025 17:51

Alyssa80 · 05/05/2025 23:20

we see each other every 2/3 months. Usually we spend 2 weeks together. In june he's supposed to come for a month. We haven't decided yet who would move but we set a goal: one more year to make a decision

Is he from a country that would require a visa to enter the UK?

vodkaredbullgirl · 06/05/2025 17:54

Why bother chuck him back.

MaddestGranny · 06/05/2025 17:57

this is exactly what I thought.
he's got his visa.
sounds like you're history.
put him behind you and start again with a proper face-to-face relationship, in the same locale, with somebody who's back-story you can be sure of.

Someone2025 · 06/05/2025 18:19

Alyssa80 · 05/05/2025 23:01

Hi,
I'm in a long distance relationship. At first we would call each other everyday and text multiple times a day. Where he lives, he doesn't have access to affordable internet so when we moved to calling only once every two days, I didn't mind at all.

About a month ago, he started going 2,3 days no contact. I tried to tell him I needed a little bit more communication but he dismissed my feelings.

Last Sunday we had a brief phone call after which he pocket called me and I heard a female voice (didn't understand what she said) then he hang up. I tried to call back right away but he didn't pick my call which made me feel like something suspicious was going on. I texted him that "I now get why he's been acting aloof lately".

The next day he called me, told me the pocket call happened when he was on his doorstep chatting with his neighbors (A guy and his girlfriend). He said I was nagging him and acting unreasonably because I couldn't be in a LDRS and not trust him. Then he said we would now make daily facetimes if that's what I need to feel comfortable.

It's been a week now and he didn't call, not once. He texts but no call.

He's supposed to visit me in June (already went through the visa process, booked his flights etc.)
So now here I am, literally boiling because his behavior really makes me feel like he doesn't care at all about my feelings or my needs. I don't want to bring the subject up again because he'll say I'm pestering him.
I've decided to stay put so it's been 8 days of random texts or facebook video links.
AIBU ? Part of me thinks since his making the time and effort to come visit me for an entire month, I should overlook this call thing. Another part feels like it's not just about the call per say but about the nature of this RS. If I'm not important enough for him to take 30mn in an entire week to call me, what's the point of even coming all the way here ?

Oh come on, this has to be a wind up
If it isn’t a wind up please wise up, this guy is using you for a visa and has someone else back in his own country, I suppose you have been sending him money as well

BitOutOfPractice · 06/05/2025 18:21

Where are you? Where is he?

Gyozas · 06/05/2025 18:21

I think he is in an actual relationship with that woman, and that’s why he’s neglecting you. End it. It has no future, or even present, at all.

MounjaroMounjaro · 06/05/2025 18:21

You don't need a year to decide on this. Just re-read your opening post and you'll see there's only one decision you can come to.

WhitbyWoo · 06/05/2025 18:22

This isn’t a relationship.

nomas · 06/05/2025 18:23

Alyssa80 · 05/05/2025 23:20

we see each other every 2/3 months. Usually we spend 2 weeks together. In june he's supposed to come for a month. We haven't decided yet who would move but we set a goal: one more year to make a decision

Do not move for him. He can move of he wants to. Tell him to get his own place though.

whitewineandsun · 06/05/2025 18:24

OP, you should want more and better for yourself. Regardless of that woman.

Nicecuppatea2025 · 06/05/2025 18:26

Sigh.

RickiRaccoon · 06/05/2025 18:35

Long distance relationships don't work in my experience except for very limited periods, sorry. I'd end it too.

Horses7 · 06/05/2025 18:38

🚩 🚩🚩🚩

Daizen · 06/05/2025 18:46

OP, I mean this sincerely, my partner is currently deployed in a submarine and he makes more effort to chat as often as possible than your bf is. A man will show you before he tells you of how he feels. If he is making you question yourself or your relationship then it is one question too many and you deserve more than that.

Trust me, long distance is hard never mind having someone who doesn’t even have the decency to call you frequently to keep a connection going.