to be really mad at my BF ?

[Alyssa80]

Hi,
I'm in a long distance relationship. At first we would call each other everyday and text multiple times a day. Where he lives, he doesn't have access to affordable internet so when we moved to calling only once every two days, I didn't mind at all.

About a month ago, he started going 2,3 days no contact. I tried to tell him I needed a little bit more communication but he dismissed my feelings.

Last Sunday we had a brief phone call after which he pocket called me and I heard a female voice (didn't understand what she said) then he hang up. I tried to call back right away but he didn't pick my call which made me feel like something suspicious was going on. I texted him that "I now get why he's been acting aloof lately".

The next day he called me, told me the pocket call happened when he was on his doorstep chatting with his neighbors (A guy and his girlfriend). He said I was nagging him and acting unreasonably because I couldn't be in a LDRS and not trust him. Then he said we would now make daily facetimes if that's what I need to feel comfortable.

It's been a week now and he didn't call, not once. He texts but no call.

He's supposed to visit me in June (already went through the visa process, booked his flights etc.)
So now here I am, literally boiling because his behavior really makes me feel like he doesn't care at all about my feelings or my needs. I don't want to bring the subject up again because he'll say I'm pestering him.
I've decided to stay put so it's been 8 days of random texts or facebook video links.
AIBU ? Part of me thinks since his making the time and effort to come visit me for an entire month, I should overlook this call thing. Another part feels like it's not just about the call per say but about the nature of this RS. If I'm not important enough for him to take 30mn in an entire week to call me, what's the point of even coming all the way here ?

Is it possible he’s in it for the visa to your home country? That would explain the lack of interest in maintaining closeness, but still wants to come over to visit.

Can you tell us what country he’s from OP, and where did you meet? He’s not keeping the momentum going in this relationship, texts and Facebook links aren’t very loving and personal. Does he say he misses you and can’t wait to see you. I would be on the phone loads if my beloved partner was a long way away, just to talk and keep connected. So texting is quite informal, he should want to hear your voice regularly etc

She said he's got his visa for the trip, but that doesn't mean much now we're out of the EU almost everyone needs a visa. I'm interested to know if he needs a visa to live here.

Just end it. You are not important to him. If you were he wouldn’t be treating you like this.

Maybe you’re not exclusive yet. I would be wary having sex with him tbh.

Are you sure you aren’t in a long distance affair?

If this is the same BF you've had these issues for years. Nothing is going to change. Accept this is the way he is or don't. You wrote practically the same post in 2022.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4667240-seriously-mad-at-my-bf-aibu?reply=121168477

He's just not that into you. Don't let him get a visa here and marry you. Sounds like you'll get dumped at first opportunity. Find someone nearer who cares about you properly.

I had a LDR for about 2 years ish - in a different continent, in different timezones - we spoke daily, emails, calls - and it was old school Skype dialup! Sorry but your BF doesnt sound interested at all. I would consider leaving this relationship. Oh lord - just seen your other thread - you've had this for YEARS?! you're wasting your time - dump him and move on!!!

Get rid of him
Block him
Learn self respect
Move on

He’s just not that in to you.

He isn’t a boyfriend. You are wasting your life.

Where has he living? Is he genuinely wanting a holiday to see /be with you. Or are you a 'means to an end' I.E. A billet and a visa to stay. I'm sorry to be so blunt but I've seen it happen. Be very careful with this guy!

Hope you find the strength and self belief to end this and look to a better future without this man.

I was in a LDR which I found hard. I hated speaking via phone but we text alot and he moved to my country within a few months and we're still happily together 15 years and married 9.

But you have to be able to trust (part of my struggle for reasons that had nothing to do with my DH) him and have the communication otherwise is it even a relationship? You say he stopped calling but he's continuing with texts etc and you need more. You're worried about the woman you heard and the fact he's being defensive would set me on high alert.

If you don't want to let go and can maybe look past these things, try see what happens in June, talk more of the future and what's going to happen and then make a plan for yourself from there. The only person you owe anything to is yourself and if he isn't making you happy then you don't have to stay with him.

i could’ve written this post a few years back. I was in a similar position in a LDR. I would text and get a reply 3 days later. When I raised it, he would throw it back on me saying I was trying to change him. It hurt me every time. Why the hell I put up with it for so long I don’t know. Your bf is clearly showing you what little respect he has for you. He won’t change. If he can’t be bothered to make the effort now, he never will and what will he be like to live with. I’m sorry OP but this isn’t worth it, don’t put up with it any longer

Has he asked you for money at all?

Definitely married. Textbook “I can only contact you on certain days or at a certain frequency” and if you even attempt to query it, no matter how politely, you get it spun round onto you immediately and gaslit into believing you are the problem and are being possessive/nagging so that you end up not daring to pester him. Heard it alllllll before.

You're wasting your life on this.

He's not truthful.

Tell him that you've cancelled his visa. See what he says and does then.

Please stop wasting your life over a man that's clearly using you. You can do so much better (it would be difficult to do worse, let's face it!!)

You are wasting your time.
Do not allow him come and use you for a months holidays.

If he needs a visa to visit then he would need a visa to live here.

Yeah, sorry I meant "I'm interested to know if he WANTS a visa to live here"

Long distance never works unless you've been together a while and it's not apart for too long. He is cheating on you.