Pay rise or WFH

[ItWasCalledYellow]

I have an offer of a new role with a great pay rise. Situation as follows:

Option 1 - stay in current role on a salary of 90k, amazing flexibility, 3 kids from ages 4-11 all will be in school by sept, lower childcare costs with all in school by September and flexible role where I can collect from school 1 day a week and by 4.45pm at childcare on other days. I am under a lot of pressure in current role to deliver unrealistic demands on occasion. However, I know the role very well and can do it with my eyes closed. 2 days commute 35 mins each way, 3 days wfh.

Option 2 - new job, limited flexibility, 5 days commute 15 mins each way, 120k salary, no flexibility to wfh and it will be possible - 1 / 2 day wfh in approx 9 months.

AIBU to go to new role where I cannot drop my kids any days to school, they will be dropped by child-minder, currently I drop every day to school due to flexibility and they are collected by a childminder 3 / 4 days per wk. In new role they will be at childcare before and after school 5 days a week to approx 5.30pm. My DH has no flexibility to do and is gone each day to work from approx 6.45 to 5.30. Is it just better to stay on less salary with great flexibility. I have a very good pension pot.

It’s a really hard one. You’re right that it is a significant amount of extra money in savings/investments/pension if you take it. But I know it’s hard to leave somewhere you know and like that offers a lot of flexibility and where you’ve built up goodwill.

If you don’t mind me asking, does your DH earn significantly more or less than you? The reason I ask is - if more - I might be more inclined to stick where you are. If it’s less, I’d be more inclined to go for the money and be clear it’s on the understanding that he will step up at home (covering children’s sickness, etc) when you’re trying to prove yourself in new job.

Does your DH “feel guilty” about not doing school pick ups? Does anyone suggest that he should?

By all means keep option 1 if you want but let’s be clear that these expectations in society are sex based.

Option 2. I keep reading about people sticking just under 100k because of the tax. It is infuriating both on an individual level and societal level. Our taxation set up in this country disincentives individuals from earning above 100k, due to losing tax free allowance, free childcare etc. This country needs more high earners! I would also take a bet that more women are hedging their bets by staying under 100k, particularly if they have young children due to the high cost of losing free childcare. Such a poorly thought out tax regime.

Of course, every individual needs to do what feels right for their family. Would love to hear success stories of women smashing through the 100k and onwards and upwards.

Also, over a £1000 extra a month isn’t bad, as long as not eaten up by extra childcare costs?

My friends husband is on just over 100k in programme mgt and has been offered a 180k more senior PM job in different sector. He hasn’t become 80k better overnight, but different employers place different values on skills. Sounds like your current job isn’t meeting your ambitions, time for a change maybe?

All the best for your decision. If you can get a 120k job, you can get a 150k, 200k job! Go for it!

Option 1

@NowYouSee yes you are right all sex based stereotypes. but I guess I can’t help how I feel where my kids are concerned. I have always had a flexible role so I have always been with my kids more and I do not regret it. That’s why I posted for advice.

Option 1

because

• new high salary eaten by tax and extra childcare costs
• you know what you are dealing with in current role, while is a role you are competent and comfortable with
• new role you do not know it’s going to be all they have said, you might hate it
• you’ll have 5 days commute instead of 2
• You’ll be frazzled by 5 days sharp dressing, getting out the door, leaving on time, leaving work on time, stressed if kids get sick, anxious about leaving work on the hour, worried about being home on time for childminder constantly
• 30 X 5 = 150 min. 70 X 2 =140. No gain whatsoever plus 10 commutes v 4 currently which you are not considering properly.

You’ve the perfect work life balance for yourself, the kids, your husband. Don’t underestimate how good you have it. Best of luck.

Given the commute is so short would it work to start earlier to still allow you to pick up some days. Or compressed days? My firm also does a 90 day onboarding 100% office attendance but we let the starting staff access all other hybrid options.

Sorry if this has already been said, I haven’t gone back and read all previous replies…

You describe the 15 minute commute as a dream commute but because you’ll have to do it 5 days a week, it actually works out longer per week than your current 35 minute commute 2 days a week:

New role: 15 minutes each way = 30 minutes per day x 5 days = 150 minutes total each week

Current role: 35 minutes each way = 70 minutes per day x 2 days = 140 minutes total each week

Just something to balance out the shorter commute point in case you hadn’t already spotted that.

This was me a few months ago.. but longer commute!

I opted to stay put actually for the flexibility. I was also fortunate that my employer gave me a small bump at my annual review so that’s made staying easier.

I still funnily enough long to move when I’m being asked to work crazy hours. So I’ve realised that for me the trigger is when I no longer have the work life balance and the flex to be with my kids. My thinking is I may as well take the money and a new job if I’m working crazy hours. The experience has made me realise what i value in my job. If you’re applying for jobs, maybe think about what’s missing from your current role that’s now making you unhappy. I think I saw in a previous post OP you said it was about a more interesting role. Is there any chance you could branch out where you are now, to take on something new?

DH has just taken a WFH role now and it’s supposed to be more flexible too. I’m hoping it means that once my kids are a bit older and both in school, I can make the move to something that will put me over the £125k mark and then make sense for tax purposes. Right now mine are still in nursery so no point moving for me.

It’s after tax, ie what she’ll get in her bank account.

How’s your pension looking? You’d probably end up contributing everything over 100k to you pension if you took option 2.

I think you will miss being able to drop the kids at school and do a pick up.

you won’t see them before school or until later in the evenings, I don’t think it’s worth it.

they are only young once and you are their most important person. I have turned down a job due to exactly this conundrum but I didn’t have kids to not see them and be involved in their lives as much as possible

I super-agree with this post.

The tax from £100k- £125k is actually far more! 60%+

Option 2. Because:

• The loss of personal allowance between £100k and £125k is easily offset by additional pension contributions. Same as tax free childcare.
• Data tells us women achieve less pension contributions than men, this is a great way to secure your financial future.
• An extra £1k pm is a considerable amount. Your primary school children will become more expensive. But if possible, save it for them to give them a help up as young adults.
• 15 mins commute is amazing.
• Whilst your husband currently has an inflexible job, an options arise, there will be decisions to make as a family whether he can continue working in such a role. You are both parents and should both be able to achieve your potential.
• Back to the financials, to get over the £125k tax trap you need to get past that number, which you will be closer to doing with a £120k salary.
• Your oldest will be in secondary school soon with less picking up required.
• I don't know the nature of the role but assuming it's administration based, there may be future WFH flexibility as you prove yourself and they want to retain you.
• Again assuming you are growing in seniority, you will start being able to influence company culture and approach to flexibility and wellbeing.

My view is heavily influenced by seeing too many women give up their financial futures because they are expected to take the lead looking after their children. Whilst everyone goes into marriage with a long term ambition, just pick a thread here in relationships where a woman can't afford to leave.

My children were younger when working from home was rare and I had a boss who absolutely hated the concept (he lived a 15 mins walk from the office). I strived for the promotions and have been successful. I did have to be intentional with the time I spent with my children. I took off every Easter and we went away where we could spend time together just talking and chilling. As they got older we left earlier and had breakfast in a cafe a couple of times a month before school and work. I maximised the quality over the quantity. I have a great relationship with my now adult children.

Irrespective of what you decide, well done securing the new role.

Thanks for all the input from everyone, I have decided to proceed with the role. It is over an extra £1k per month take home pay and is a lot to pass on. My DH has changed his working hours to collect kids 3 days pw at Childminders at 4pm.

I am really hoping it all works out don't know if I am crazy to proceed, but I want to progress further in my career and as other have stated here aim for 200K! I plan to take some parental leave on top of the holiday entitlement I have.

For me the flexibility would win out as would working from home. If you've been there a while you'll also have your reputation which will probably give you a little bit more wriggle room if you ever needed some more flexibility whereas in the new place you're going to have to establish yourself as reliable otherwise if anything happens it's not going to make a good impression. That said, it depends how ambitious you are and how much of an impact the new role might play on your career outside of the obvious salary increase.
The current job having unrealistic expectations is a bit of a pain but you're obviously able to work round them .My feeling is that most jobs these days have unrealistic expectations and what if you take on the new role and that also has them but with the added inflexibility? If your husband has no flexibility you really don't want both of you in the same position.

I am doubting my decision daily, I feel like the flexibility will come in the new role as they do have a policy on remote working which all staff can avail of, there is an onboarding process initially. I have decent holidays in new role of 30 days per year plus BH. Still doubting if I have done the right thing to prioritise money over flexibility for a role really close to home.

Thanks for everyone's input I really appreciate it.

Since the new job is only 15 minutes away, is there no way you can drop your DC at school and then get into the office? Even once a week. Or must you be there for a certain time?

I have to be there and would not make the start time if I dropped every morning, I am hoping I can do it a day or two a week, but I am not sure to I have started really.