To hate women who make a big martyry song and dance about the housework

[Fragmentedbrain]

Just read an article in the daily mail on this theme

One quoted woman says she'd rather live on a commune of women than with a man because there would be more sharing of "the domestic load"

Personally I would rather die than live with Neat Women in some dedicated to cleaning hellscape

If you want things to be tidy, tidy

Otherwise dont and shaddup about it

(I know this is possible because neither my husband nor I gaf about tidying and we have fun instead)

Domestic load is about way more than cleaning and tidying. It’s also all the washing, shopping, meal planning, cooking, helping with homework, organising events, buying presents, managing appointments, finances, tax, sometimes helping with elderly parents… I could go on. All of this has to be done else family life grinds to a halt. Women bear the brunt of this in most households, plus many work as much if not more than their husbands. Is it really unreasonable to want to evenly share that load more?

I have seen stupider posts tbf.

One of the saddest things I ever saw was an episode of Wife Swap where one of the women was utterly consumed with housework. I felt terribly sorry for her, until it became clear that she was taking her daughter (not her son) out of school to help her. At that point I became furious with the patriarchy instead. And that's what you should hate, rather than individual women struggling with the burden of millennia.

Which is all well and good if both parties don’t care. However, my ex, and lots of men I believe, do care and will happily moan when things are not to their standards yet do fuck all to make those standards a reality. That is what women ‘moan’ about.

Ah, here we have one of those magic families who need no clean clothes or food or toiletries. Fun feeds this family.

@Fragmentedbrain how old are you? I can only hope you were drunk or some such when you typed your post.

You're not like other girls, are you, OP?

Op either doesn’t have kids or they’re sitting under a bridge with hairy hands.

I'd prefer to live with women too TBH, and my house-keeping standards are very low.

If I have visitors, the women take their mug to the sink (some even rinse it) - the men leave it where they last used it. They're just more thoughtful, I presume because they take responsibility for it at home too.

I'm trying to raise my sons to not be selfish jerks TBH - because living with their dad, I ended up picking up the brunt of it - even mess that he created all on his own. I don't think he ever cleaned a bathroom in his life (an issue when you also don't put the lid on the toothpaste and smear it around the sink along with the hair from shaving)

Personally I take pride in my home, that’s because it’s my home and I live in it. Bizarre post op.

I can smell your house from here

Sensible people, when it becomes apparent their male partner is a slovenly pig, don’t then go on to marry and have kids with them. I was once dating someone and it had only been about 4 months so obviously we were nowhere near living together. When he came round, though, he’d leave half-drunk coffee mugs all over my flat, wouldn’t put his plates in the sink, and when he walked muddy boots over my rug that was the last straw. I dumped him. Yes, men need to do better but women also have a choice whether to date/cohabit with/marry useless slobs. If you see the signs and shack up with them anyway, more fool you.

Oooh you’re so cool and quirky and not like other women, OP! You get a framed (gathers the dust quicker!)! ‘Cool Wife’ certificate.

“Fragmentedbrain” seems to be about right.

I am laughing at some of these replies because OP hasn’t articulated herself very well, but I think a lot of people have misunderstood what OP is (clumsily) trying to say. She’s not saying, don’t bother cleaning your because it’s not important. Shes saying don’t absolutely exhaust and depress yourself by doing everything for everyone else and then complain about it. Ask for help, or stop doing it. They’ll learn (‘they’ refers to lazy husbands/partners and kids).

Yep you get it!

I agree some people clean themselves because they have irrationally high standards when there's zero real need. Lots of women though choose to live with lazy men who they let take them for granted and don't do any cleaning which is gross.

So if the partner doesn't learn, who feeds the kids? Who makes sure they go to school clean and not looking homeless?

You can't stop doing things for kids just so your husband will learn. And you can't live in mess, especially with kids, because it makes life really hard work.

So how do you make them "learn"?

Yet another weird thread from the OP they haven't bothered returning to 🙄

well for a start if you’re having to resort to forcing your grown ass adult partner to learn how to clean/cook/tidy and generally contribute to the running of a household, you probably need to take a long hard look at the relationship and why you even had a family with this person in the first place. Not accept your lot in life. These are the ‘martyrs’ that OP is referring to.

The fact you read the Daily Mail and are happy to live in a dirty untidy house makes it clear what type of person you are. Most of us can manage to tidy/clean our house but still have fun. I don’t spend any longer than about 30-45 minutes a day on housework/tidying. No song or dance or martyring going on.

You do you though.

Yes, YABU.

I haven't heard the term shaddup since Joe Dolce spelled the words out on a blackboard in the 80s. Doubly BU.

I didn't have a family with a person like that.

But, with many, they stop doing a lot once kids come along. Or it becomes more apparent than when it was just the two of you.

Your house is messy, ain’t it

Yeah I do hear what you’re saying especially with the last part. It’s not always so black & white. Things change.
I guess it’s something I feel strongly about because I grew up seeing it every day with my own mother, doing absolutely everything around the house because my step dad did (and still does) fuck all, and now she’s still taking care of him and two other adult children who live at home (not me). She’s so stressed she barely sleeps. But she takes some weird pride in it, like because she’s a wife & mother this is how she must live her life, a servant to everyone else. She is a proper martyr about it, and I’m sick of hearing about it because she won’t see the issue or change. I swore I’d never end up like that. And so far so good.
As a result my brother is totally fucking useless and whoever marries him needs to seriously give him a kick up the arse, or get out of there before she ends up like my mother.

At worst, a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived. —Rose Macaulay

My favourite quote.