Holiday leaving child

[Merlinanna]

I’ve an (unusually affordable) opportunity to go away for a week related to an interest / hobby that I have. I have a 12, almost 13 yo. Lives with me most of the week and with dad couple of nights- sometimes 3 - each week. Flexible arrangement to suit what child wants. Good relationship with ex. I can’t take child with me as event not suitable (v similar to a conference with lots of lectures/ talks and will only be adults.) Have never left child for this length of time before. Would involve 15 hours travel - to the States from UK. Can’t decide if I should do it. Partly because it’s so far away, as well as because of the time away. Ex says no problem and to go for it. Suspect child will say they’d rather I didn’t. Any thoughts?

God go for it. Me and DH went to New York for 4 days when the DC were 5 & 3 and left them with grandparents. I did feel off about it because of the distance. But for a 12/13 year old left with their other supportive parent, enabling you to indulge your interest/passion as a single parent - DEFINITELY do it! Your child is not far off ditching you for stuff they want to do anyway 😆

is there a particular reason why your 12 year old would say no? (Btw I think it’s generally good they would feel able to say it rather than what they think you might want to hear)

The location in the US sounds quite glamorous to them but the reality is that I’ll be listening to lectures / talks that wouldn’t interest them at all

Go!

Go for it. A week will be fine - I’ve traveled for longer (for work) leaving younger kids with DH. As long as the plans are clear, it will be fine.

Leaving a 13 year old with Dad for a week? Absolutely fine. Go for it!!

I’d go.

What exactly are your concerns? Your child isn’t a toddler, I can’t see why you wouldn’t in your situation.

Go go go! If you and child have a good relationship with their dad and he’s supportive about it and your child will be well looked after I don’t see the problem. It’s only a few days longer than they’d usually be at their dads anyway.

Take this time for yourself.

if she has been on a recent holiday geared to her interests remind her. If not can you plan something (No they shouldn’t need it, should know parents do things for themselves and that isn’t “unfair”. Teenagers forget).

I think I’m wavering because I’ve never been away from them for this length of time before and it’s such a long way away. I also know my mother will be quite judgmental about it 🤦🏼

Whoops! I voted unreasonable as I read it as leaving at home alone not with Dad!

Of course, go. If you've no concerns leaving with Dad that long then absolutely take this opportunity. It will be good for everyone involved by the sounds of it.

Does your mother need to know? Don’t worry about the separation for that long. Better it happens like this all planned and it’s all planned than the first time is an emergency when you are visiting someone ill or something else.

What’s it got to do with your mother? Has the child never been away with their father for a holiday?

Absolutely go! Doesn't DC ever spend a week with their dad in the school holidays?

Yes that’s true actually- has been away for a week with their father.

Honestly, it’ll be fine. Would you feel that dad shouldn’t do it if roles were reversed?

talk to your child, explain that it’s only a week and it won’t be a child focused trip. Don’t ask for their permission, it’s not for them to decide. But you can listen to their feelings and reassure them.

i went away on my own when children were younger than yours. They were with their dad and yes they missed me but they were fine.

we have to be our own people too, not just mum.

Do it!

Thought this was going to be a three month old baby situation! (In which case your replies would have been far more mixed).

At 12/13 AND already used to spending two or three nights away from you I can't see anything to stress about whatsoever tbh.

Thank you. I really appreciate all of the replies. Child’s dad has always had trips away each year. Child just not used to me doing the same. I think I’m guilt tripping myself and it’s really helpful to hear other women saying that this is an ok thing to do

Well then, they’ll be fine for a week at home with dad.
I wouldn’t even entertain giving dc an opportunity to say they’d rather you didn’t go

Child v rarely away for 3 nights at a time. Ex lives v close by so often just overnight / 2 nights at a time. Almost always comes home after school and goes to dad’s later

With the new update no need to do the things I suggested - you remember dad went to X in February, now I’m going. You’ll be fine - you were in July when you went away.

You are leaving them with their other parent - not a stranger. Your mum can have her own views but don’t let that dictate your decision.
it will do your child good to realise that you have a life and interests outside of being a mother. And it will do you good to as you will no doubt enjoy yourself and have a bit of time away from everyday life.
you can FaceTime, text, etc and it’s not really a week apart from them if they usually have at least 3 days with dad - it’s only 4 days!!
Go! Enjoy!

Absolutely go! He'll be safe with his dad, its only a week, be good for him to see mum do something she wants to do and it sounds really interesting.

If you need to hear it: it's okay to do things for yourself!

Your mum can judge all she wants. It’s nothing to do with her.
It sounds like ds is happy to stay with dad, dad seems involved and happy to do this. You are allowed to carve out a life where some of it’s just for you and what you enjoy.
Go for it.