Holiday leaving child

[Merlinanna]

I’ve an (unusually affordable) opportunity to go away for a week related to an interest / hobby that I have. I have a 12, almost 13 yo. Lives with me most of the week and with dad couple of nights- sometimes 3 - each week. Flexible arrangement to suit what child wants. Good relationship with ex. I can’t take child with me as event not suitable (v similar to a conference with lots of lectures/ talks and will only be adults.) Have never left child for this length of time before. Would involve 15 hours travel - to the States from UK. Can’t decide if I should do it. Partly because it’s so far away, as well as because of the time away. Ex says no problem and to go for it. Suspect child will say they’d rather I didn’t. Any thoughts?

Put it this way, if it was your ex who was going away and you were happy to accommodate childcare for him for his 3 days, would he even be hesitating? Of course not! Mums get to have time for themselves too. Child isn’t a toddler who thinks you’re never coming home, they’ll probably have a mini holiday at dads themself.

that really doesn’t matter, she can and has spent a week a way with dad and is still choosing to spend regular overnights with him during the week. Sounds like they have a good enough relationship

it would be different if dad was horrible and useless and if she hated seeing him

Absolutely go for it. Your child is definitely old enough, and you can chat to them on the phone every day.

100% go. And maybe plan a 5 day trip away in the meantime to help prepare your son 🤪

I would go and make sure you take couple of extra days to make the most of the place while you are there

100% go and don't feel guilty! We aren't talking about a baby or toddler here. You can video call. I think it's good for kids to see parents have their own lives, interests, needs and wants.

I originally read this as you were going to leave them at home alone but I see they’re going to stay with their dad. If the dad is ok with it I can’t see an issue at all.

i get the guilt, left my two for five days to go for a jolly recently, they were fine with their dad, I had a great time!

ps the kid is more than old enough to understand that sometimes you need to prioritize stuff that YOU want to do. That would be trickier if they were very small, but this is not an issue aged 12

I’m assuming you’re taking them on holiday some other time this year

Yes have a week booked with them over summer to a location they’re excited about. I think I need to spend some time going through the itinerary of my trip to show that although the location sounds like a place they’d love to go, it won’t be a sightseeing holiday that they’re missing out on

This is a 100% perfectly ok thing to do!

And frankly, at that age, a good experience for your child. in building resilience and confidence that they can manage an extra 3 or 4 nights a week without you.

I honestly thought you might be talking about a 3 or 4 year old.

Your Dc will be safe and secure with a parent they are used to living with.

Don’t be such a martyr.

Go for it, your child will be fine. You can do a few video calls while you’re there and bring back some exciting American “candy”

Your child is basically a teenager and will be looked after by his father the whole time.

It's absolutely fine.

I had to go away for work for 5 days multiple times when my children were under 2. Their dad took great care of them. They missed me but they were both perfectly fine.

Go! They are going to be with their dad, not a random babysitter and you deserve a break

I go for a week's holiday of my own every year and my DC are younger than yours. I don't feel bad in the slightest about it. I'm still a person, I have the right to pursue my own passions and interests, and DC are happy and fully cared for with their other parent. I'd bet my life anybody who tries to guilt-trip you over this would have zero problems with a dad doing it and is just an old-fashioned Mummy Martyr misogynist. Fuck that.

Actually agree I’m being a bit of a martyr. It’s been so helpful to hear others saying this is an ok thing to do

You’re 100% right. Their dad has never had any judgement from anyone- including my mother- for going away trips himself from when my child was a few months old

Nope. Your child is your child, you don't leave them.

I did exactly the same thing a couple of years ago - went to a conference in Florida and left my similar aged kids with their dad. They were absolutely fine and I had a great time.

I can’t believe this is even a debate -go! Your 12yo doesn’t get an opinion.

Go for it. Even if your dc says they would rather stay with the usual arrangements, well it won’t hurt them for a few days and they’ll soon be back to the usual routines.

Go, they are with their dad whom they are happy with. It is perfectly fine.

Go! And have a wonderful time!

We've been doing this (travelling alone, DC with other parent) since DC were toddlers. DH and I have also gone (far) away as a couple and left DC with grandparents several times. DC being cared for with loving and competent family members - who could realistically object to that?

I'd go and just tell child I am going to a work thing.

They're nearly 13 so I would go for it!

Why do you think they wouldn't be keen?

Ignore your mother - go and have a great time!