Holiday leaving child

[Merlinanna]

I’ve an (unusually affordable) opportunity to go away for a week related to an interest / hobby that I have. I have a 12, almost 13 yo. Lives with me most of the week and with dad couple of nights- sometimes 3 - each week. Flexible arrangement to suit what child wants. Good relationship with ex. I can’t take child with me as event not suitable (v similar to a conference with lots of lectures/ talks and will only be adults.) Have never left child for this length of time before. Would involve 15 hours travel - to the States from UK. Can’t decide if I should do it. Partly because it’s so far away, as well as because of the time away. Ex says no problem and to go for it. Suspect child will say they’d rather I didn’t. Any thoughts?

I wouldn’t do this, or open any windows for pleas, persuasion or objections. You have no need to apologise for this to your child, even by implication. Nor to justify.

Bright, breezy and assertive . “I am off to an adult only international meeting of … my hobby, so for that week you will have extra time with Dad”

Get your ex on board to support this too.

And stuck record “it’s just a week, everything will be normal, just normal with Dad” “ yes I will miss you too but it’s just a week and the. I’m back. People who love each other can be apart for a week “

Etc.

Go. I’ve left mine with grandparents for 5 nights when they were 5 and 3. A 13 year old staying with their dad for a week is fine I wouldn’t think twice about leaving mine with their other parent for that time

The time away would not be an issue but I don’t like being in a separate country to my kids (who are over 18). But I’m a widow there is no one else in case anything happened to me or them.
In your case Id say go for it even if they were younger!

Don't be ridiculous - you are a grown adult. You don't need to explain or justify anything to a 12yo. You book the holiday and tell them they're staying with dad that week. End of discussion.

Don't teach them it's okay for dads/men to have nice things for themselves (like holidays and time to themselves) but not mums/women. Please.

Go on your trip. Don't 'ask' if it's okay. Just tell them you're going.

Go.

This!

Just out of interest, at what age would you agree it’s ok to leave a child with their other parent? Or is it not about age, and a mother should never ever leave their child, ever?

The 12 year old doesn’t get to decide? Just go let them know when you’re back.

I'm faling to see any issue with leaving a 12-13yo in the care of their parent for a week.

Last year DH had work at a long-haul destination and I encouraged him to spend an extra week of leave enjoying the destination while he was there. DH says it was the best holiday he'd had in years because of the uncompromised freedom to do his own thing. I get that completely. No hard feelings

I had a 5 day "girls" trip away for a special occasion, the longest I'd been away from our then 13/ 11 year olds. I'd done long weekends but just hadn't had a opportunity to do that long since having children. And it was bloody amazing (and re-ignited my love of reading as I had chance to immerse myself with no other pressing things to do)

The DCs didn't bat an eyelid at either of our absences, even though mine was more unusual.

Please come back and tell us when you've booked your flights, OP! 😊

No need for explanations beyond you are going for a break. You and his dad seem on the same page. Enjoy the break

I went to see my best friend in Bangkok for ten days when my two were 7 and 5. They were with their Dad and spent time with grandparents. They were fine. I had a great time and don't regret it.

Sod your mum, I'll be very disappointed in you if you don't go. Your child is old enough to understand that adults need to do adult work-related things, and really shouldn't be thinking that they get a say in whether you go or not.

Also try to ensure you get a chance to do some fun things for YOU, all too often mums put themselves last across the board. You deserve a bit of R&R alongside the work stuff. You're Merlinanna, not just "mum".

Just in case anyone is invested! Thanks so much to all who took time to comment - really valid points, both about going and about how to approach this. I’ve booked my flights!! 😁

This!

Go
Have fun
Demonstrate to your child that mums are allowed time away too!

The child is 12 and will just spend a few extra nights with dad.

Your child is reaching the age where the child may even start to travel without you. There may be a holiday with a friend’s family or something via the school or a hobby.

I’m kind of a crazy attachment parent, but it’s perfectly fine to leave a 12 yo for a week with their other parent.

If your mum’s that bothered she can step up and give you a break more often then!

Please go OP! I get it… I’m a single parent too. You deserve to go and do something for you. Your daughter will be absolutely fine. She’s safe, with her dad and you’ll have a fabulous time. I went abroad for a week alone last year. It was absolutely fabulous! I came back so refreshed and ready to go. Do it, do it, do it!

Agree

WiooooHooo! Fantastic! Well done OP.

Don’t engage with your ridiculous mother over this. Any comment: “haha don’t be ridiculous, she isn’t a baby and she will be with her loving and competent Dad” and change the subject.

have the BEST time.

just to add if you have a girl and her periods haven’t started yet - get her ready. It happened with a friend of mine, only in her case child went away. Sod’s Law and everything 🙂.
Enjoy the trip.

@Gustavo77 are you OP’s mum?