To forget a friends child’s birthday

[Bibbidybop92]

I haven’t actually forgotten, I remembered and sent a message but with other personal things going on I didn’t drop a present/card to my friends daughter last week, she is now upset with me and has told a shared friend of ours how upset she is that I “forgot” and it means our friendship isn’t what she thought it was.
we have been friends a long time and I always acknowledge her children’s birthdays and any other event in her/her children’s lives, she doesn’t do the same to mine, which I have never made any issue of as that is her choice.
am I unreasonable to think this is unfair?

Message her to say that you thought you (plural) weren't doing anything for kids birthdays anymore, since she's not done anything for yours.
She's a user OP.

She has a cheek if she never does the same for your DCs birthdays. I'd take this an an opportunity to knock the gift giving on the head if it's never reciprocated.

Insane IMO.

I only do presents and card if invited to a birthday party, and tbh I don’t think I’d know any of the actual dates of my friends kids birthdays!

Far too much additional life admin otherwise. Men aren’t worrying themselves with this.

What the heck? What does she want? The blood of your firstborn child?

If she doesn’t send cards etc to your DC, I’d just say, “oh - I got the impression that you’d prefer not to bother with all that and just stick to messages”. You don’t get to be huffy that someone hasn’t remembered your child if you don’t remember theirs in a similar fashion.

This is so true. I’ve got some brilliant close friends. Unless the kids are invited to a party, we don’t usually buy each others kids gifts. My best friend does but she’s my bestie and she’s just that person, but I can’t be keeping tabs on when all my friends children’s birthdays are!

Ive never given friends’ children presents or cards on their birthdays unless I’ve randomly remembered or seen something they’d appreciate. Tbh your friend doesn’t sound like much of a friend

“Just doing my admin and checking my ‘Thank you notes to complete list’ and it seems our children have aged out of receiving gifts from us”.

I honestly didn’t think it would be a big problem, I have many friends with children who I buy for at Christmas but birthdays only if we go over for a party, they have no problem with this and it’s not expected. She is my oldest friend and I’m very disappointed in how she’s reacted, she is ignoring my follow up messages, I am also grieving at the moment and I’m very emotional anyway so I could do without this.

She is being ridiculous!

I feel like something else has happened. I can’t believe this is all about a late gift. If it is, she needs a serious wake up call. I really can’t believe this made her list of stuff to worry about!
Has she got something else going on that she’s down about? Maybe she doesn’t like your grief deflecting the focus on her? I just can’t believe a gift is the whole story. If it is, forget it and move on. Give her a week to sulk then carry on like nothings happened.

" she doesn’t do the same to mine"

Tbh she isn't a friend to keep if she makes a fuzz of this.

She doesn’t have anything going on that I know of, she usually tells me if something is, we are due to go out the weekend which I would like to keep those plans, I will have to see if she still wants to.

It’s quite manipulative, she wants more of your attention, but she doesn’t want to ask for it, she wants to make you think you owe it to her by making you feel guilty. If you ignore this she’ll come up with another reason why she thinks you are letting the friendship down.

But she’s ignoring you. She’s ignoring your grief and what’s happening to you. She’s ignored your children on their bdays - but expects you to remember hers? She needs to explain her logic. How is she a friend other than you’ve known her a long time and she’s someone maybe fun to go out with? Knowing someone a long time doesn’t equate to them being a good friend.

I was ‘friends’ with someone who made zero effort with me and my kids for bday and Xmases but when I stopped hand delivering her Xmas card she would message me Xmas eve to check everything was ok etc bc her expectation was I’d carry on despite her not bothering. Same with messaging her on her bday. Ppl are weird and most ultimately care more about themselves than ‘friends’ but still expect other ppl to put them first.

I had a friend like this. I moved away with work, still sent kids Christmas and birthday things. We had always exchanged birthday and Christmas cards too. Got a Christmas card back the first year. Second year, nothing. She'd barely replied to any texts, no birthday card received, barely any tumbleweed!
I sent a Christmas card and gifts in the post but that was the last time I initiated communication. Following Christmas, I get a text on Christmas eve: 'Your presents haven't arrived. Have you got the tracking number?' I realised that as long as I played my role, she was content to do nothing. It hurt.

if she ruins your friendship over this then she’s daft as a brush!

Now you’ve seen her true colours, I hope you’ll stop the cards and presents permanently.

Does she even send your dc a birthday card? 😮

No she doesn’t send cards, also didn’t have a message to pass on a happy birthday
There has been a few past issues where I have questioned our friendship and my husband thinks she’s quite selfish, think this has opened my eyes a bit wider

How the hell can she be upset you didn’t do it with hers then? What is her reasoning?

Did she send you presents?

what a hypocrite she sounds. And to behave like this when you are grieving. So selfish. Do not allow her to make you the bad guy. Do not apologise. I am sorry for your loss.

Bloody hell! Gifts are supposed to be reciprocal.

@nomas I know! Thanks to Mumsnet I now know she was a CF! Wish we had this back in the day.

Nothing. Not a card, greetings, just the text going where are your presents?!