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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To do my daughters GCSE course work?

387 replies

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 07:28

My daughter is adhd diagnosed, probable autism which she is still on a waiting list for years after the referral was submitted, she gets frustrated and gives up quickly, she tries, she really does, but sometimes gets overwhelmed and cant continue a task.

Her art GCSE course work is due in this week, she was very behind. I have spent all last weekend and this weekend helping her get it done. Up until now its been sitting and encouraging her, ive done some of the research whilst shes been doing the sketches needed, and then shes re-written it out, suggestions of sketches she could do, and cutting it all out so she can place everything into her book, helping her with layouts and ordering, but mostly just keeping her on track and focussed in 2 hour windows. There was one piece of art required for it to be done, she tried, for hours, yesterday to do it, but she got so frustrated and couldnt do it, its a portrait of a person. She ended up getting quite upset with the drawing and the looming deadline. This isnt the first time she has attempted it, shes been trying to draw it for weeks, but i put it to one side as she was hyperfixated on it, and in order to get everything else done, i took it off the table and said we would do that last. The sketch is needed as her final piece was based around this portrait, though her final piece was just shapes no details. The teacher has told her she absolutly must include this portrait in her project. Her final exam has already been sat so she cant just change the direction of the project now.

So ive drawn it, its not great, i can draw a bit but not even close to being skilled, but its better than what she was able to produce. She doesnt know ive drawn it last night. Ive started the shading to block out the main shadows, but it needs finishing, which she can do in the same way she has shaded all her other work, it looks vaguely like the person its supposed to be if you squint a little bit. We are going to try again today, ive even suggested to her tracing the facial structure today if we can figure a way to do it as we have no thin paper left to trace with, just really thick watercolour paper and card left. But it needs finishing today to hand in tomorrow. Then we can focus on her other much needed revision.

Her college plans do not include something even close to art related, its one drawing in amongst probably 100 others over the 2 years of project work, in the grand scheme of things i dont think it will make a difference to her grade, but her teacher has said it has to be included, so she is building it up to be the most important thing ever. I just want to help her, and ease some of her stress. Would you give her the drawing and help her finish it? Or is it too much help? Ive convinced myself if she does the shading then its no different to having traced the initial drawing, which is perfectly acceptable in her work, we just dont have the access to do that easily today. Do we try the tracing first and it that goes wrong then i just give her this one to shade over? theres a chance she has tried tracing in school on the lightboxes and they have been discarded already, as i know she traced other images.

How much help is too much, considering her SEN, but also that this is GCSE work?

OP posts:
notwavingbutsinking · 05/05/2025 07:57

Ps you can also tell chatgpt what supplies you do and don't have, and ask it for clever ideas to get round the tracing issue.

2025ishere · 05/05/2025 07:58

No because you are not teaching her lessons she needs to learn, such as perfectionism is unhelpful, something is better than nothing, good enough is good enough, achieving something hard feels good. You take away from her confidence in the long term if you accidentally teach her to give up.
Can she print out a photo of the person, put paper over it, normal A4? , and tape it to a window and she traces over it to get the bare bones?
I know it’s really hard to know how much help is too much moment by moment, and it is important to think of context (eg don’t help too much if it’s key knowledge they need for the next stage as if they can’t do it it’s better they fail now). But the ‘help don’t rescue’ mantra is good.

WhoAmITodayThen · 05/05/2025 07:58

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 07:52

Ok its clear i cant give her this drawing. Thank you. I will try and get her a way of tracing and hopefully she wakes up with a clearer head today. For clarity the research i did for her was just timelines, nothing about interpretation or anything, just basic information. The deadline for the project is def this week, we had a meeting about it in December when this project was starting and they were all told that the exam was 2 weeks before the deadline for the project. It was the same for her fist one, they sat the final piece exam just before the christmas break, and the project hand in date was when they went back in Jan.

See my above post. A graphite transfer might work instead of tracing.
If not, can you bring the original image up on a laptop (take a photo), change the contrast to make it bolder and kind of use it as a lightbox to get the base shapes and outlines. Once she had that she should be able to produce something (regardless of quality).

arethereanyleftatall · 05/05/2025 07:59

Absolutely not. My dd has ADHD. Her coursework marks have all been appalling. I would a million times rather she gets a lower mark for a gcse and learns that actually starting something which takes 4 hours ten minutes before it’s due in, doesn’t work. That will help her more in life than me (or someone else) doing it for her when she hasn’t put a strategy in place to get it done.

Apreslapluielesoleil · 05/05/2025 08:00

Get dd to finish one you’ve helped with. Get as much done today as she can do and submit. There’s only so much stress kids can take over this.

WhoAmITodayThen · 05/05/2025 08:00

Just seen you only have watercolour paper. Graphite transfer should work.

Christmasmorale · 05/05/2025 08:00

The worst thing you can do is handhold her through this- that will make her feel very overwhelmed. Leave her ADHD brain to to what it does best. If you had left her to it her mind would likely have worked out a masterpiece at the last minute but now all your research will be added to the noise in her brain and confusing her because it’s not her work.

I know you’re trying to help but your input has likely caused some panic freeze. Regardless, cheating isn’t cool. Leave her alone - she’ll get it done. It might not be in a way you like but that’s just ADHD for you.

Eatinghabits86 · 05/05/2025 08:01

Sorry SEN is no excuse for this. If she can't do the work then she fails. She is just a couple of years from the real world, how is she going to cope if this is what you're teaching her?

UnkindlyMay · 05/05/2025 08:01

LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 07:56

Im going to have to send her to town alone to get something i think, i cant walk at the minute, and the only A4 paper we have left is thick watercolour or card. I dont have a printer or anything, the little local shop may have baking paper so ill get her to stop there first.

Show quote history

Could you/she ask a neighbour or a school friend or a local Facebook page for thin paper or baking paper? Someone will be near enough to help.

CaptainMyCaptain · 05/05/2025 08:02

MellowPinkDeer · 05/05/2025 07:35

All you’re teaching her is she can give up, someone else will fix it and there is no reason to bother

This. What's the point?

Sunbline · 05/05/2025 08:03

Good you've decided not to, it's honestly not worth it.

Leave it out, layer the discarded attempts into a statement piece (confusion/multi layer of man/woman), i was diagnosed with ADHD at secondary school and it used to help me when I was in this sort of spital to set a timer and know whatever was produced at the end was it.

AgnesX · 05/05/2025 08:04

ocelot3 · 05/05/2025 07:38

As someone with a DC with adhd I have done this. Frankly, working in this field and knowing the variation of help for students between one school and another, variation in the standard of what goes on in schools, and variations in marking nationally, I would say don’t stress and just work with her to get the job done. It’s one tiny part of a bigger picture. When you think of the variation in advantage that goes on between different children in different schools from different households along with access to tutors, the playing field is very far from level! The only issue is if she or you says anything to the school to raise this as an issue. It’s a nightmare for students working against the tide with SEN trying to get things like this done at home. I would say take the stress off this time and support. Maybe suggest ‘let’s try it this way and if you then want to do it yourself afterwards then you can do’ if you then feel more confident’ to ensure it is has been ‘her decision’. Then she at least has some something to hand in.

Work WITH her, not DO it for her.

What's it going to achieve? You can't do it for her further down the line, at school, college or at work.

Edit: sorry missed the last post from OP

McCheck · 05/05/2025 08:04

you’re in so deep managing her work. She’s not learning to stand on her own two feet like this. You’re writing a very long explanation on why what you’re doing is okay.

Your daughter is cheating and you’re teaching her to cheat

Ryanstartedthefire22 · 05/05/2025 08:05

Yes id just give her your sketch and see if she wants to use it. Sorry accidently pressed you are being unreasonable but I don't think you are.

JustLookingThanks · 05/05/2025 08:06

Show her your effort, and then sit beside her and have another go at drawing the portrait, both of you drawing your own version, using your effort as inspiration next to the photo of whoever you're drawing. If you're drawing at the same time it's a body doubling situation, less pressure and more encouraging than actually sitting there watching her draw. But you must not do it for her however tempting it is.

Uptome · 05/05/2025 08:07

My friend helped one of her dc cheat to pass a maths gcse. I knew about it prior to the exam but did nothing as she just wanted him to be able to get a job and to have the 5 gcses including maths. It didn’t hurt me in any way and I know cheating isn’t ok but I turned a blind eye to it and I’m glad he was able to get into college and then work.

Original poster
LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 08:08

Eatinghabits86 · 05/05/2025 08:01

Sorry SEN is no excuse for this. If she can't do the work then she fails. She is just a couple of years from the real world, how is she going to cope if this is what you're teaching her?

to be clear, she has done the work, this is one drawing in a project thats over 40 pages of work, but a drawing her teacher has insisted she includes even though its not her strong point, so now she is hyperfixated on this one page, when the rest of her work is already really good. However, this teacher is also the one grading the project, so she wants to do what she has suggested. In my opinion, her final piece with the plans and connections she has made in the project, makes sense without needing a realistic sketch, as none of what she has focused on has been realistic art, but the teacher has told her she absolutely must do it. The rest of what was missing was easy to finish, repeat sketches in different mediums, little pockets of information, and organsing it all in to and order that leads to her final piece, she needed myhelp to focus on that, but i didnt do anything for her. But my opinion on not doing this portrait makes no difference to her. In an ideal world she will agree and just hand it in as is, and hopefully get the same grade regardless.

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 05/05/2025 08:08

Maray1967 · 05/05/2025 07:36

The most the teachers could do was give out requested art supplies or equipment. No other talking was allowed - certainly no guidance on how to improve the work. It surely cannot be right that parents are finishing off work at home.

I have also invigilated Art exams. They were carried out in complete silence.

MyDeftDuck · 05/05/2025 08:08

Her work is her interpretation of the subject matter………you’re not doing her any favours by submitting your artwork for her exam. That is no different to one student looking at and copying another students answers on a test paper.
If the examination board find out her whole work for that subject could be disqualified.

Nomdejeur · 05/05/2025 08:09

People are not understanding how art GCSE works. Yes there is a 10 hour exam where they work on a piece of art, but there’s also a whole portfolio of work to be done which is what the OP has been helping with.

Christmasmorale · 05/05/2025 08:09

JustLookingThanks · 05/05/2025 08:06

Show her your effort, and then sit beside her and have another go at drawing the portrait, both of you drawing your own version, using your effort as inspiration next to the photo of whoever you're drawing. If you're drawing at the same time it's a body doubling situation, less pressure and more encouraging than actually sitting there watching her draw. But you must not do it for her however tempting it is.

I think it’s a good idea but I’m not sure OP should be the body doubler as she’s too invested. Also OP should do something related but not the same (I.e colouring in)

I have ADHD and body doubling only works when I’m doing it with a person who doesn’t have any interest in what I’m doing, otherwise it’s too much pressure and a simple question such as “how are you getting on” can cause me to shut down and give up.

Riaanna · 05/05/2025 08:10

You’re facilitating her to cheat. And teaching staff will likely know and have to address. Which will be a fail across the entire exam.

You’re better off getting the screwed up bits out and repairing and submitting and hope the rest of the cheating goes unnoticed.

Original poster
LolaLouise · 05/05/2025 08:10

MyDeftDuck · 05/05/2025 08:08

Her work is her interpretation of the subject matter………you’re not doing her any favours by submitting your artwork for her exam. That is no different to one student looking at and copying another students answers on a test paper.
If the examination board find out her whole work for that subject could be disqualified.

Im not doing her exam, she has done that, this is the project leading to her exam, which she sat, alone, in silence, with no help, like every other child sitting the exam.

OP posts:
IthasYes · 05/05/2025 08:11

Op do it.
My nephew is at college and he said loads and loads of students all do assignment work using chat gpt and the checkers can't even detect it or they use student docs and change the words

It's so rife I think you can morally give her a bit of help

Christmasmorale · 05/05/2025 08:13

IthasYes · 05/05/2025 08:11

Op do it.
My nephew is at college and he said loads and loads of students all do assignment work using chat gpt and the checkers can't even detect it or they use student docs and change the words

It's so rife I think you can morally give her a bit of help

Just because it’s rife doesn’t mean it’s right. Since when has the prevalence of a moral failing been a good reason to teach our children to do it?