To do my daughters GCSE course work?

[LolaLouise]

My daughter is adhd diagnosed, probable autism which she is still on a waiting list for years after the referral was submitted, she gets frustrated and gives up quickly, she tries, she really does, but sometimes gets overwhelmed and cant continue a task.

Her art GCSE course work is due in this week, she was very behind. I have spent all last weekend and this weekend helping her get it done. Up until now its been sitting and encouraging her, ive done some of the research whilst shes been doing the sketches needed, and then shes re-written it out, suggestions of sketches she could do, and cutting it all out so she can place everything into her book, helping her with layouts and ordering, but mostly just keeping her on track and focussed in 2 hour windows. There was one piece of art required for it to be done, she tried, for hours, yesterday to do it, but she got so frustrated and couldnt do it, its a portrait of a person. She ended up getting quite upset with the drawing and the looming deadline. This isnt the first time she has attempted it, shes been trying to draw it for weeks, but i put it to one side as she was hyperfixated on it, and in order to get everything else done, i took it off the table and said we would do that last. The sketch is needed as her final piece was based around this portrait, though her final piece was just shapes no details. The teacher has told her she absolutly must include this portrait in her project. Her final exam has already been sat so she cant just change the direction of the project now.

So ive drawn it, its not great, i can draw a bit but not even close to being skilled, but its better than what she was able to produce. She doesnt know ive drawn it last night. Ive started the shading to block out the main shadows, but it needs finishing, which she can do in the same way she has shaded all her other work, it looks vaguely like the person its supposed to be if you squint a little bit. We are going to try again today, ive even suggested to her tracing the facial structure today if we can figure a way to do it as we have no thin paper left to trace with, just really thick watercolour paper and card left. But it needs finishing today to hand in tomorrow. Then we can focus on her other much needed revision.

Her college plans do not include something even close to art related, its one drawing in amongst probably 100 others over the 2 years of project work, in the grand scheme of things i dont think it will make a difference to her grade, but her teacher has said it has to be included, so she is building it up to be the most important thing ever. I just want to help her, and ease some of her stress. Would you give her the drawing and help her finish it? Or is it too much help? Ive convinced myself if she does the shading then its no different to having traced the initial drawing, which is perfectly acceptable in her work, we just dont have the access to do that easily today. Do we try the tracing first and it that goes wrong then i just give her this one to shade over? theres a chance she has tried tracing in school on the lightboxes and they have been discarded already, as i know she traced other images.

How much help is too much, considering her SEN, but also that this is GCSE work?

I have no issue with all the logistical support. Our DC is autistic and easily overwhelmed. We did a lot of list making and planning what needed to be completed each day. Also got the prit stick out and stuck things down in the layout she wanted. Typed some titles up for them stuck them down. I did intervene on some paintings and said weren’t good enough, needed more detail/depth/ contrast whatever. Helped them choose what to select to put in the portfolio. All advice like a teacher would but this was over Easter hols.

We did not do any of their drawings, studies or paintings. That oversteps the mark. The stylistic difference will be noticeable. Better to drop a few marks, unless this is THE ART submission. Then she is stuffed.

I really have to assume that you are not serious. Teaching your kid that cheating is OK? That someone else will always fix everything for you when you give up? Absolutely despicable behaviour.

Cheating in Art Gcse coursework routinely happens, money usually changes hands as well.

If you don't sort it yourself, there's an argument that your DD will be at a disadvantage as a result.

My aunt did my cousins entire degree for her. This is nothing by comparison.

Was it entirely course work? How is your cousin fairing now?

I know someone who did something similar for their child’s A level equivalents. The child received stellar results and got into a great university to do the degree they wanted, but without their parent’s help, they were lost, and it didn’t go well for them in the end. Twenty years later, they are fine and have recovered their equilibrium and even got their Master’s, but their parent’s kindly intentioned cheating actually had made things much worse for them. I’m not saying this is at all the same thing as for the OP and her daughter, but I do agree with those who say it is probably better to try and teach your child resilience and accept the possibility of “failure”, rather than expecting great things and being disappointed, if you see what I mean.

OP, I understand completely where you're coming from. My AuDHD DD is currently in Y9, and has just opted for art as one of her GSCEs. One of her biggest needs is help with organisation/time management as she lacks executive/cognitive function. I can already envisage the frustration, tears ("it's not how I want it to be") and meltdowns that will be coming my way, and like you, I shall find as many ways to help as I can without actually doing the work. You sound like an ideal, understanding parent to your DD. Hope you find some baking parchment!

I ended up submitting something else entirely. I got a lower grade than I hoped for but it was my own work. Or submit it as it is.

Yeah, this I’m afraid. And what others have said about rescuing. If it’s not an important grade, why does it matter so much. Her best is her best.

You’re protecting her from a really important experience - failure. You’ve even said it’s not that important. So let her not hand anything in, or something rubbish that SHE’S done, and get an appropriately lower score that accurately reflects her input. That’s real life. And she can focus on her more important, core subjects. Very common for kids to have a ‘forget about that one’ subject. You’re not helping in the way you think you are by not allowing her to fail at something, and for that to be ok. And also to learn the consequences of not getting something done.
These experiences before adulthood are useful.

Tbh I’d just do it and then she can move on with her other stuff, and I’d bet many of the mums who have read this and not commented too would as well !

My daughter has struggled with Art this year and it was such a relief when she finished her exam last week.
She worked so hard on her projects, staying at school late and redoing stuff.
My daughter is also neuro divergent and it was tough, but I never felt the need to do her actual work for her.

Hearing you did that for your daughter, well I'm not sure how I feel as I know how much my daughter struggled and challenged herself, but did it.