To do my daughters GCSE course work?

[LolaLouise]

My daughter is adhd diagnosed, probable autism which she is still on a waiting list for years after the referral was submitted, she gets frustrated and gives up quickly, she tries, she really does, but sometimes gets overwhelmed and cant continue a task.

Her art GCSE course work is due in this week, she was very behind. I have spent all last weekend and this weekend helping her get it done. Up until now its been sitting and encouraging her, ive done some of the research whilst shes been doing the sketches needed, and then shes re-written it out, suggestions of sketches she could do, and cutting it all out so she can place everything into her book, helping her with layouts and ordering, but mostly just keeping her on track and focussed in 2 hour windows. There was one piece of art required for it to be done, she tried, for hours, yesterday to do it, but she got so frustrated and couldnt do it, its a portrait of a person. She ended up getting quite upset with the drawing and the looming deadline. This isnt the first time she has attempted it, shes been trying to draw it for weeks, but i put it to one side as she was hyperfixated on it, and in order to get everything else done, i took it off the table and said we would do that last. The sketch is needed as her final piece was based around this portrait, though her final piece was just shapes no details. The teacher has told her she absolutly must include this portrait in her project. Her final exam has already been sat so she cant just change the direction of the project now.

So ive drawn it, its not great, i can draw a bit but not even close to being skilled, but its better than what she was able to produce. She doesnt know ive drawn it last night. Ive started the shading to block out the main shadows, but it needs finishing, which she can do in the same way she has shaded all her other work, it looks vaguely like the person its supposed to be if you squint a little bit. We are going to try again today, ive even suggested to her tracing the facial structure today if we can figure a way to do it as we have no thin paper left to trace with, just really thick watercolour paper and card left. But it needs finishing today to hand in tomorrow. Then we can focus on her other much needed revision.

Her college plans do not include something even close to art related, its one drawing in amongst probably 100 others over the 2 years of project work, in the grand scheme of things i dont think it will make a difference to her grade, but her teacher has said it has to be included, so she is building it up to be the most important thing ever. I just want to help her, and ease some of her stress. Would you give her the drawing and help her finish it? Or is it too much help? Ive convinced myself if she does the shading then its no different to having traced the initial drawing, which is perfectly acceptable in her work, we just dont have the access to do that easily today. Do we try the tracing first and it that goes wrong then i just give her this one to shade over? theres a chance she has tried tracing in school on the lightboxes and they have been discarded already, as i know she traced other images.

How much help is too much, considering her SEN, but also that this is GCSE work?

She needs to do the task herself
Spend a while looking at less conventional portraits with her online
Who knows - she might find attempting something in the style of Picasso more fun.

I haven't read the whole thread, so not sure if it was suggested, but baking paper is a good substitute for the tracing paper, you can use it over the laptop screen. Sometimes I trace the image holding it on the window glass, I don't have a proper tracing equipment.
People who don't have anxiety, or a family member with anxiety, might not be able to comprehend how debilitating it can be. If it helps your daughter to cope with the situation, do part of the project together. And good luck to her!

I understand why you would want to do this but what are you really teaching her if you help her cheat?

Support her with the two hour windows and facilitating her doing her own work, with the reassurance that her best is good enough.

Everyone has some level of anxiety, it doesn’t mean you can cheat.

So if she’s managed every other part of the project up to now and it’s one picture she’s struggling with, then tbh she’s probably done a lot better overall than some others. In the cohort there are likely to be kids (whether ND or NT) who hand in incomplete work, rushed work, don’t meet the brief accurately…
Some kids won’t have had any encouragement at home and may not be given the time and calm environment to get work done. Sad but true.

so once again, this is about keeping it in perspective. It’s one part of a project which she can’t do. She may still get a decent ish grade or she may not - but the important thing is that she will have done what she’s able to do, within the parameters of her capacity.

Doing things for her isn’t the answer. Support: absolutely. support by providing the time, space, peace and quiet for her to work at home, by encouraging her that her best effort is enough. Yes she’ll probably ignore that because kids tend to not listen to what their mum says. But just quietly and without being patronising, keep reassuring that it’s ok to find things hard. It’s really important that she learns at this stage that letting someone else actually do the work for her isn’t helpful.

Meh. My mum did my GCSE French coursework for me. Also have ADHD, although it wasn’t diagnosed for another 20yrs after she did that piece of coursework. I was terrible at languages, I’d left it way over deadline and I was in a state. What are you going to do?

I know there’d be plenty of people here who would gladly report me to AQA to let them know that in 2001 someone else did my French coursework for me and who’d also think that I’m a thief who’s somehow stolen a B grade GCSE, but I needed help and she gave it. I never went near a language again after the (compulsory) GCSE that I had to sit and got three good grade A levels and two degrees all without anybody else’s help.

I have no regrets (and neither does my mum!) Help your daughter if you can @LolaLouise

I also took her to the theatre to see one of the plays she was doing for english lit as the book was too overwhelming for her to read.

I also listened to her English speaking exam speech about 500 times and offered suggestions on which bits were too long so she could get it to the right time and organised it so it flowed.

Ive read out 1000s of flash card science questions and corrected her when the answer was wrong.

Ive told her how i used to write equation on the bare chests of boy band members on posters in the 90s so i could remember each one connected to a different semi naked man in my exams

Ive listened to her french speaking exam more times than i care to remember to the point i think im learning french by osmosis since i knew about 4 words before then

i bought countless revision guides and sat with her going through them. Reading bits out loud for her to make her own notes and do little pictures for.

you may chose to parent differently, but this is how i parent and support my child. If that gives her an advantage so be it. But none of that diminishes her efforts. Nor does me writing a few dates out.

If she is caught out, they could invalidate ALL her GCSE’s that include course work.
Cheating is not only not a good luck, it’d be teaching your daughter the wrong message.
If her art result doesn’t really matter, just submit what she can manage, even if it’s not great. Hopefully the rest of her work will get her through.

Also, if this piece isn't in a style she's good at (or feels like she's good at), give her a massive pep talk about not needing to be good at everything. Even compare it negatively to other things she's good at if you think it might help.

Reassure her that getting a poor grade in this particular assignment doesn't relate to her self worth (I struggle with motivating myself to try at something I'm not good at because trying and doing poorly is reeeaaalllly painful. I would absolutely rather fail for not trying than try but still do poorly if that makes sense? If she's had rejection sensitive dysphoria she might be the same).

If her issue is more that she's just not interested or motivated by this particular assignment (and I totally get that, I still remember one A level teacher's absolute confusion when I got a U in an assignment when I'd had A's in everything else for that class... it's really hard to explain that nothing was going on at home, I just couldn't learn the content because I found it too boring and couldn't see how it would help with anything in my life). Try getting her to repeat why she needs to do it.

"You are going to complete this work because it's part of your GCSEs.

You need to complete your GCSEs to move on to your A levels(or whatever she plans to do next). Then you can do (whatever she hopes to do as a career)

Doing this piece of work will help you achieve your goals"

It sounds ridiculous but it can really help to repeat why you are doing something. Sadly I didn't figure this out until after university, but it's something I still do it now in my 30's. It helps motivate me to do things that don't interest me or have become old and aren't novel enough to hold my interest anymore.

As above, she cant do this as they have specifically told her she has to include a drawing that is like the original image, which is a photograph of a person.

I took my coursework home in the 90's, not a new trend. Exams are timed, course work is not.

This is easy to say, its not easy to convince a child hyperfocussing on one element, that this isnt even going to affect her grade, she will likely still pass at her predicted grade. It really isnt as simple as telling her to just submit it, thats not how her mind works.

Well, she’ll have no choice.
Don’t enable this craziness. Cheating is cheating. You need to teach her that lesson rather than doing her work for her.

My first thought was that is absolutely cheating, but if your DD is struggling, becoming anxious, hyperfixating on this one little drawing amongst a hundred others within the course work, then a little bit of help must be OK surely. It's only like a History or English project getting read through by a parent, who then suggests a better adjective or points out a spelling or grammatical error.
It's not like you've sat and done all of the work whilst she is out with her mates. Although I see the moral dilemma, this is eating you up, and eating your DD up, it's a small thing, done out of love to protect her. I think it's absolutely OK in the circumstances. X x

I am not sure if you have decided on a solution.
I am sorry I can't catch up with the thread ...
But I would do it OP ...
I have ASD and ADHD and I remember vividly my mum doing the same for me for my art class when I was 12. School is very difficult and so overwhelming for me. I never grew to expect the help.. I have a phd and was top of my year at a RG uni for undergrad so It clearly didn't do me any harm ( degree is not in art obviously)

Have you ever dealt with autism/adhd in teenagers? Its not enabling craziness. Its how her brain is wired. Ive already said many times im not giving her my sketch to use in the project, but that still leaves her stressing over a drawing that in her brain she absolutely has to complete well enough it looks like the person she is drawing. There is no alternative for her at the minute.

Can you really not see this as micromanaging? I'm not creating a narrative that doesn't exist, I'm reading the narrative you are telling us.

You're making your own sketch.
You're drawing a grid.
Copy this honey!
Oh don't you want to do that?
OK go buy some tracing paper!
Trace my sketch!

It's just a really high level of over-involvement in a child's art project.

As I said, I don't think this is good for her self esteem. Just let her do it her way, let her learn to problem solve.

I really doubt one sketch would make the difference of a grade anyway. You say she is hyperfixated on it, but your attitude isn't helping. If she doesn't want to do this sketch, let her not do it! It sounds like it wouldn't be in her own style anyway

My mum didn’t involve herself AT ALL in my school work. Not even proof reading. I took accountability very young and am thriving. I have 6 figure salary in a senior professional role, I did very well throughout school etc… you get the idea. (I’m ADHD, diagnosed through school in 2005)
A close friend of mine, who’s mum was over involved, organised everything for her child and ‘helped’ her with school work. That girl was predicted good grades and did well at school, mediocre at 6th form and dropped out of uni. She couldn’t cope, because she had never been given the opportunity to do It for herself.

Don’t take your child’s independence from them, it will only harm them.

If she is caught cheating it will not only get her disqualified from that GCSE but also from others with the same exam board and she would likely be barred from resitting them for a number of years. There could also be consequences for the school as an exam centre.

It's not worth the risk. It would be better to just not do that drawing than to cheat.

Mum of an autistic/ADHD daughter who did art GCSE and really struggled. And TA to ND students also really struggling with it. It's a really tough GCSE for them to do.

Are you planning to give her this level of support for the rest of her life? I know it is hard, especially when they have these extra struggles, but ultimately we need to be encouraging independence. That includes letting them mess things up sometimes. It's possible that you fussing around her will be escalating her anxiety about it. Perhaps making sure she has what she needs to do it herself, then walking away and leaving her to it, might help her to be more productive? Just check in on her now and then and make encouraging noises.

Yes. I have. And the reality is you’re still crossing the line here and setting up for huge issues down the line.

Seriously, she wants to do it, she feels she needs to do it, she has sat crying hysterically at me for hours and hours because she cant draw a picture that looks like a photo that her teachers has told her she HAS to include in her project. So i shelved it and helped her focus on teh other elements, now we have circled back to this one bloody drawing. Im trying to help her figure out how she can achieve what she believes, wholeheartedly, she has to achieve. Im not making these decisions, she is, and asking for my help.

If she can't do it she can't do it and her grade will reflect this.
Sorry but no

Ask someone with a printer to print it for you.

Draw a 12 square grid on the printout, and do the same on her paper.

She can then draw a grid at a time, which is more manageable task wise than looking at the whole picture.

Fellow autism/ADHDer here. This method follows the recommendation to break tasks down into several simple ones. It makes the metaphorical wall easier to circumnavigate.

Well you do you. My other children are successfully working and successfully starting at a decent uni, i feel i have parented all 3 of my children to the best of my abilities, and if they come to me asking for help, they will get it.

This is the route were are now taking, but with my sketch not a print out. She is currently sat at her desk on facetime with her art class friends attempting it.