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Original poster

To be sad that I was catfished?

51 replies

DatedOut · 04/05/2025 21:54

I went on a date today. I was pretty excited, he seemed nice from the photos. Nothing overly special but I thought that he was handsome and liked the way he communicated.

I pitched up at the date and I was immediately put off. The photos he used are 3-4 years old. It’s him, but in the last couple of days he gained a good amount of weigh, he started balding and just generally looked older.

I felt a bit misled. I got ready and made effort to look nice. My photos are very much like me, unedited, and no less than 10 months old. I asked him if he thought that I looked like my photos and he said in better in person than on the pictures.

we had an OK date. He was nice but I just couldn’t feel comfortable as I felt he knew what he was doing with his photos

I came back home and can’t help but feeling sad. I wouldn’t have minded if we didn’t get on. I’ve been on dates where I didn’t click with others and it was all good. We tried, n o spark, wishing good luck and move on. But with this one… I don’t know. I feel sad. Am I ever going to meet anyone? ☹️

OP posts:
Springadorable · 04/05/2025 22:04

3-4 year old photos isn't quite the same as being "catfished" with 15 year old photos. If you got on well I don't see that this would be an issue. If you didn't get on then that's enough in itself.

UpJacksArseAndRoundTheCorner · 04/05/2025 22:07

That's not what catfishing means.

But I agree, no-one should be using photos more than a year old at the most as it's completely misleading.

Having said that, I've seen a few threads in Relationships where apparently if a man complains the woman's photos are old and she doesn't look like them anymore, it makes him 'shallow' and he doesn't deserve her.

Weird.

BlondiePortz · 04/05/2025 22:09

You were not catfished

Blueberry911 · 04/05/2025 22:10

This isn't catfishing. Everyone will use pictures where they feel they look their best and I don't think a 3 year old picture is particularly past the realms of acceptability.

TipsyRaven247 · 04/05/2025 22:11

You don't have a clue about what castfishing means.

Cakeandusername · 04/05/2025 22:12

Probably been on dating app a few years and not updated. It was clearly him. If date was ok and you liked him I wouldn’t be put off going on a second date.

BobbyBiscuits · 04/05/2025 22:12

I don't know anyone who's gone from shaggable to repellent in 3-4 years?
Unless he was in prison or hospital or something?

It's certainly a shame you didn't like his looks when you met up. Presumably you disliked his personality as well?

Just forget him and move on. I think in a way it's not that deceptive. If the photo was really only a couple years old.

I only had two OLDs in my life and one of them used his dad's photo? He was about 17. Lol 😂

KrisAkabusi · 04/05/2025 22:13

You weren't catfished.

Did your photo have you in makeup? Maybe a filter on? People try to look their best in their profile photos.

ThatNimblePeer · 04/05/2025 22:13

Oh gawd, one of the reasons I don’t go on dates despite being on online dating and getting occasional interest is that I worry about someone having this reaction to me. I don’t like having photos taken and don’t take them very often so the ones I use probably are 2-4 years out of date at this point. It’s hard to see your own face objectively so I find it difficult to know whether they are still a fair representation or not. I agree photos within the last 6 months or so should probably be the rule, but even within 6 months someone can gain or lose a lot of weight. It slightly feels hard to win with this, use overly flattering photos and someone will feel disappointed when they meet you in person, but photos not flattering enough and they won’t want to meet at all? The last time I did go on a couple of dates they both looked let down presumably feeling I had catfished them with my photos which I really hadn’t intended to do, and since then I just haven’t had the heart. He probably wasn’t intending to disappoint you, OP, it really is quite hard to see your own face from the outside.

Original poster
DatedOut · 04/05/2025 22:14

okay, I see catfishing is not the right wording to use, but he looked so different to his photos. It’s looks more like that the photos he posted are from 10 years ago.

We got on but I couldn’t shake the thought of feeling misled. Like I’m sorry but that’s not how he looks. And it’s not about that he looks terrible (albeit he is not my type in real life really) it’s the fact that I reckon he knew what he was doing

OP posts:
sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 04/05/2025 22:16

You were misled, not catfished

If he's gone from fuckable to not fuckable in 4 years he's not doing well is he?

Chuck him back

Pleaseshutthefuckup · 04/05/2025 22:18

You aren't feeling it with him. You feel disappointed, so he's not the one.

Your reality is being gaslit by all the replies on here in typical MN style.

Catfish isn't the right word, but we all understand the intent here.

My only advice is you'll have to cast the net wider and go with the hope that the wider you spread yourself ( arranging dates) the greater the statistical chance you'll meet someone, or, just have some good dates.

It could become soul destroying potentially. I'd spend less time online talking and get to meeting potential guys quicker before you get your hopes up through chatting too long ( in a safe place!).

67676767ttt · 04/05/2025 22:21

TipsyRaven247 · 04/05/2025 22:11

You don't have a clue about what castfishing means.

Edited

Nor do I - what is "castfishing"? 😂

KrisAkabusi · 04/05/2025 22:23

DatedOut · 04/05/2025 22:14

okay, I see catfishing is not the right wording to use, but he looked so different to his photos. It’s looks more like that the photos he posted are from 10 years ago.

We got on but I couldn’t shake the thought of feeling misled. Like I’m sorry but that’s not how he looks. And it’s not about that he looks terrible (albeit he is not my type in real life really) it’s the fact that I reckon he knew what he was doing

When everyone disagreed with you the photos suddenly aged by an additional 7 years? OK.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 04/05/2025 22:26

He probably isn't getting women with a current photo so used an old one, planning to win you over with his personality 😒😒

If you weren't bowled over by his personality, I'd throw him back

Online dating does sound terrible (it awaits me 😅) but there's better out there I'm sure x

Edit, yabu to be sad girl, men do this x (and women too, before anyone comes for me)

Original poster
DatedOut · 04/05/2025 22:27

KrisAkabusi · 04/05/2025 22:23

When everyone disagreed with you the photos suddenly aged by an additional 7 years? OK.

Show quote history

Not at all! The photos are only 3 years old. Well that’s what he told me. But in real life it seemed more like a good 10 years.

I have no reason to not to believe him that the photos are only 3 years old but he has aged a lot in that 3 years.

Thanks @Pleaseshutthefuckup . I don’t know why I feel so low about this one though. It has never happened before…

OP posts:
FightingFish · 04/05/2025 22:27

I think you’re right to feel like this. If he is not honest about his looks/age he could lie about anything. Did you tell him that he didn’t look like him in the profile photos?

LillyPJ · 04/05/2025 22:29

I did OLD and found that many men around my age (about 50 at the time) just didn't have loads of photos of themselves to choose from. Ok, so they could get some more recent ones but we all try to choose the most flattering ones we can find.

Cardinalita90 · 04/05/2025 22:30

OP I totally understand. I had this exact situation a couple of months ago and felt a bit angry tbh. His photos were probably 7-8 years old and I wouldn't have gone on the date if I'd seen up to date ones. It doesn't make us shallow, physical attraction is important.

meganorks · 04/05/2025 22:38

That doesn't sound like catfishing. I realised the other day my LinkedIn pic was over 10 years old. I thought I would just replace it and couldn't find a single vaguely acceptable pic on my phone. I don't take selfies and generally look shit in pictures.

If you liked him and got on then why not give him a chance?

I get the catastrophising, as I have a tendency to do it too. I have also never had to face the horror of OLD. But I'm not sure this is quite the disaster you are claiming. Maybe try ways to meet more people IRL and avoid online altogether.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 04/05/2025 22:40

It wasn't a catfish situation, just a man who used a very old photo, maybe ask, how old is the profile picture. before going out for the next date.
If he claimed that the photo is 3 years old, take it as 10 years.

Original poster
DatedOut · 04/05/2025 22:42

@meganorks Im with you… it’s definitely not catastrophic, end of the world kind of situation.
i thibk i am just a bit disheartened. I’ve been trying to put myself out there and it hasn’t been easy

OP posts:
incandescentglow · 04/05/2025 22:42

i have had many dates with people where i've turned up and yes it was the guy in the pictures, but very clearly old pictures that don't represent his current appearance and you are very valid to feel disappointed. it's not shallow or rude, i personally think it really throws you off because you build up what they'll be like in person and its just not what you expected

and it does feel like a bit of a scam and a waste of time, however that's the risk you take with online dating

if you got on and you do want to see him again, go for it! see what happens, you might get used to him but if you're unsure, politely walk away and take another risk lol, happy dating x

SwanOfThoseThings · 04/05/2025 22:42

EmeraldShamrock000 · 04/05/2025 22:40

It wasn't a catfish situation, just a man who used a very old photo, maybe ask, how old is the profile picture. before going out for the next date.
If he claimed that the photo is 3 years old, take it as 10 years.

Edited

Do you think they'd admit it if it was more than 12 months old? Probably you'd get a vague reply "Not sure, last year sometime, maybe."

steff13 · 04/05/2025 22:49

67676767ttt · 04/05/2025 22:21

Nor do I - what is "castfishing"? 😂

Show quote history

It's where someone uses photos of a different person in order to get dates.