Page 4 | AIBU to suggest DH should leave the house a bit later so we can travel to work together?

BlackNGold · 2025-05-04T17:49:35+00:00

DH and I work for the same company. In two weeks, there’s a couple of days I am going to be working from his office. He likes to leave a little earlier to beat the rush hour traffic - by his own admission he doesn’t have any calls until 9 and spends the start of his day browsing the internet. I start later than him so would arrive very earlier if I was to go in with him at his usual time. AIBU to ask him to leave a little earlier so he can take me in - we will both start on time but he says the journey will take him about 15 minutes longer due to traffic. This is his gripe, not that he needs to be in the office earlier to do anything. I would get the bus if he can’t take me in.

Ddakji · 04/05/2025 21:53

DappledThings · 04/05/2025 21:49

But it's as much one person putting themselves out as the other. The one who usually leaves early could put themselves out and change their routine for 2 days or the one who doesn't usually go in early could put themselves out and go early for 2 days.

Not sure why the OP in this situation isn't expected to be the one to change the routine and the DH is. Both would he doing each other a favour. The swing is that if the DH goes later he has a potentially shitter journey and ends up late. The OP might just have some time to kill.

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Yes, but her two options seem (to me, at any rate) to be worse than his. Hanging around for an hour or getting the bus. I’d put myself out a bit for a couple of days so DH could swerve that, and if we’re going to be all transactional about it, no doubt a situation would arise where I could repay him. Though a transactional relationship sounds like a non-starter to me.

DappledThings · 04/05/2025 22:00

Ddakji · 04/05/2025 21:53

Yes, but her two options seem (to me, at any rate) to be worse than his. Hanging around for an hour or getting the bus. I’d put myself out a bit for a couple of days so DH could swerve that, and if we’re going to be all transactional about it, no doubt a situation would arise where I could repay him. Though a transactional relationship sounds like a non-starter to me.

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Ah. To me leaving later, potentially getting caught in traffic and missing my relaxed easing into the work day time, potentially even ending up late if traffic gets really bad is far bigger a deal than getting there early and having a coffee and reading a book for a bit.

Riaanna · 04/05/2025 22:02

BlackNGold · 04/05/2025 19:48

It means I would arrive an hour earlier than when I can officially start work

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Yeah YABU.

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 04/05/2025 22:03

AppropriateAdult · 04/05/2025 20:20

What a weirdly transactional approach to a marital relationship. People who love each other often put themselves out to a very mild degree like this just to make the other person happy. I know my husband would, anyway.

OP, if there’s a genuine reason why you can’t hang around for an hour before you start work - depending on the set-up of the office, this might not be possible or comfortable - then yes, I think he should slightly inconvenience himself so you can travel together and you don’t have to get the bus. He seems very rigid and curmudgeonly to be so against this.

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She seems very rigid and curmudgeonly to demand that her husband get stuck in worse traffic and risk being late for his job so that she doesn't have to put herself out to a very mild degree and sit with a coffee and a book for a short period of time.

Lotsofsnacks · 04/05/2025 22:06

BlackNGold · 04/05/2025 19:48

It means I would arrive an hour earlier than when I can officially start work

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Is this a wind up? You’re only going to be working from his office, for a couple of days. Get the lift with DH as per his usual routine!! Then get a coffee and chill out. Stay sat in the car if needs be and look at your phone for a bit etc, before u go in. sounds like you’d be late if you got the bus, and what’s the point for the sake of being 20 min early (which a lot of people are on a normal day)

JudgeJ · 04/05/2025 22:16

DaisyChain505 · 04/05/2025 19:07

He has a routine that he is used to and likes. You’re the one coming into his routine and space so you fit around him.

If you don’t like it drive separately.

Leaving 5 minutes later can make a journey more than 5 minutes longer, if you want to travel together then you need to leave earlier.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/05/2025 22:37

AppropriateAdult · 04/05/2025 20:20

What a weirdly transactional approach to a marital relationship. People who love each other often put themselves out to a very mild degree like this just to make the other person happy. I know my husband would, anyway.

OP, if there’s a genuine reason why you can’t hang around for an hour before you start work - depending on the set-up of the office, this might not be possible or comfortable - then yes, I think he should slightly inconvenience himself so you can travel together and you don’t have to get the bus. He seems very rigid and curmudgeonly to be so against this.

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Mine leaves earlier to fit in with me. Means he has to spend some time drinking coffee at work rather than demanding I cut it fine and never have the chance to sit going through my inbox without any interruptions.

nadine90 · 04/05/2025 22:43

If you go with him, 20 mins earlier, you could bring your makeup and do it in the car, bring a coffee in a travel cup, even some breakfast, a book, and have a lovely relaxing hour in the car before your working day. I’d much rather do that than navigate public transport or sit in traffic feeling stressed

noworklifebalance · 04/05/2025 23:03

This is his gripe, not that he needs to be in the office earlier to do anything

But your gripe is that you don’t want to go in earlier but still want a lift so expect him to change his routine?
I am not sure why your convenience is more important that his.

I would get the bus if he can’t take me in
He can take you in, your just need to leave earlier than you like to. If you don’t want to leave early then get the bus.

noworklifebalance · 04/05/2025 23:09

Ddakji · 04/05/2025 20:31

God, are people really so set in their ways that they can’t do something different for TWO DAYS that might help their spouse out? And maybe enjoy travelling in together for a change??

Sure so why can’t OP be more flexible for her husband for the TWO DAYS

noworklifebalance · 04/05/2025 23:12

The level of entitlement people seem to have really winds me up - “Can you do something for me but if you can’t do it at my convenience then YABU and of course I cannot possibly inconvenience myself even slightly”

CarpetKnees · 04/05/2025 23:16

This has got to be a wind up.

You can go in with him and either

crack on with some admin for work
get a coffee and faff around on your phone
go out for breakfast nearby
take a book
go for a walk

OR Get the bus and probably still have to leave at the same time as it takes most people more time to travel by bus than car, and you'd have to allow for it not turning up.

Just weird to want to make your dh sit in traffic when he prefers not to, and arrive 'just in time' rather than the calm start to his morning he is used to.

Such a weird request.

Cruisinforcroissant · 04/05/2025 23:20

get a jump on your 10k steps! Share the lift, chat in the car and enjoy a new routine for a couple of days