AIBU to suggest DH should leave the house a bit later so we can travel to work together?

[BlackNGold]

DH and I work for the same company. In two weeks, there’s a couple of days I am going to be working from his office. He likes to leave a little earlier to beat the rush hour traffic - by his own admission he doesn’t have any calls until 9 and spends the start of his day browsing the internet.
I start later than him so would arrive very earlier if I was to go in with him at his usual time. AIBU to ask him to leave a little earlier so he can take me in - we will both start on time but he says the journey will take him about 15 minutes longer due to traffic. This is his gripe, not that he needs to be in the office earlier to do anything. I would get the bus if he can’t take me in.

I’m with him. I always timed my commute to miss the worst of the traffic if I could. You want a lift, you need to fit in with his routine.

Do you have a childcare run or something you need to do before you head in that would stop you going in at the time he usually leaves?

Is there any reason you can’t leave earlier

You’re the one joining his routine, so you adjust to his time, if you want to go together.

So you'd prefer to sit in 15 mins extra of traffic rather than set off 20 mins earlier and have a smoother journey?
As a fellow commuter there's no way I'd choose extra traffic if I could help it. Sorry OP but YABU

Is there a massive drip feed here about why you can't leave earlier?

It means I would arrive an hour earlier than when I can officially start work

So it is about your routine being pandered to?
Better he's late for work than you be a bit early?

I leave early when travelling to work, I hate travelling later and getting stuck in traffic. I arrive 30-40mins before my start and either get a head start or eat my breakfast and read something on my phone. I would arrive really stressed and spoil my day if I travelled 20mins later. Just go to 20mins earlier and either flex your hours or do something with the time.

If it's only a couple of days why don't you just go in a bit early?
Take a book with you or something.

For me, the person doing their regular thing keeps their timing and the person asking the "favour" fits in with them.

You need to leave earlier, with him, not expect him to change his routine for you.

Enjoy the hour at the start of the day - go for a walk/run, read a book, drink a coffee, browse mumsnet, look out of the window...

So? Go for a coffee. Chill out. No need to expect him to lose his relaxing routine because you don't want one.

Why should he leave later. Get stuck in traffic and lose his chill time

sure if you take the bus it will take longer and have an hour travelling

just go with him. Get there early and read a book. Email. Play games

Just go in early with him. He has a routine which works for him.

If you want him to give you a lift, then you need to fit around his timings.

YABU.

You're the one adding onto his normal routine on these days so I'd say if you want a lift you need to leave when he leaves. Why not go in earlier and treat yourself to coffee or go for a walk?

I had put YANBU but I kind of see it both ways - you should both be happy to accommodate each other! But I suppose it would be nice for him to keep his usual routine and for you to have a stress-free early start?

Are you my mother? Never learnt to drive - no other reason than she couldn't be bothered. But expects everybody else to adjust their timings to suit her requirements. "Oh I'll just hop in with you." OK I'm leaving at X time. "No I want to leave at this time." Nil shits given if that impacts my day. Tantrum ensues if you refuse to comply. Or she just gets spiteful.

Just leave him be - you’ll upset his routine and he won’t look favourably upon it.

I'm guessing you're both on shift patterns, if you say it's when you "can" start work. My DH and work for the same organisation and have on occasion worked in the same place and shared a lift. He has strict hours, I don't, so I had to work around him.

In your shoes I'd be glad to have a bit of time in the car with him.

It’s you that wants the lift, so you go in earlier. There is no real reason why you can’t do that if you’d prefer to travel together, or just go separately and you can both suit yourselves with timings.

What a weirdly transactional approach to a marital relationship. People who love each other often put themselves out to a very mild degree like this just to make the other person happy. I know my husband would, anyway.

OP, if there’s a genuine reason why you can’t hang around for an hour before you start work - depending on the set-up of the office, this might not be possible or comfortable - then yes, I think he should slightly inconvenience himself so you can travel together and you don’t have to get the bus. He seems very rigid and curmudgeonly to be so against this.

So? You’re the one needing a lift so you need to go in earlier. It won’t kill you

So what, though? An hour earlier isn't really a big deal, why mess up his routine? If you really don't want to get up and leave earlier, just drive yourself.