Page 5 | Neighbours child constantly over the garden fence

AmIRetirementAgeYet · 2025-05-04T17:20:25+00:00

AIBU My neighbour's child is constantly climbing the fence and perching their head over to talk to myself and my child throughout the day. They are constantly listening out for the door to open or close and shout hello as soon as one of us comes out into the garden. Then they climb the fence to talk to us. Now I don’t mind a chat but this child is constantly interrupting our conversations or play. Asking to come over to join us or asking where my child is and if he wants to play. My child will often go inside because he gets no peace or let up from this child even when he says he does not want to play. The parents leave this child to their own devices a lot of the time but even when they are in the garden they do not ask their child to get down and stop bothering us. What would you do in this situation? It is making us very uncomfortable but we don’t want to be rude either.

grumpygrape · 18/05/2025 12:14

jenrobin · 18/05/2025 11:41

Have you tried speaking to his parents? I think you were right to try asking him to just stop first, but I think he's particularly obtuse and it's now beyond a joke. "Hi, I've asked little Johnny to stop climbing on and leaning over our fence because it was damaging the fence and it was really interrupting our privacy. He's now using a ladder and coming back to look over the fence half an hour after being asked to go away. I'm sure he doesn't mean any harm, but he isn't getting the message so I will need you to speak with him about not doing this any more". He seems ultra literal so he needs as many people as possible to explain the rules to him in the bluntest way and his parents know him best. You've told him he can't climb so he gets a ladder, you tell him to go, he assumes this means come back later. It needs to be very unsoftened language "You're not allowed to look over the fence ever, at all. Stop doing it and do not come back later." This message must come from all the adults. If that fails, trellis.

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This

ACynicalDad · 18/05/2025 12:17

Plant some rambling roses, will look beautiful, effectively extend your fence upwards and be a bit prickly as an added deterent.

Nanny0gg · 18/05/2025 12:47

AmIRetirementAgeYet · 05/05/2025 14:56

They live next door but they aren’t always out in the garden. They tend to stay indoors whilst the child is in the garden hence the suggestion to message…

It is my fence and I am also concerned about him constantly putting weight on the fence not only for the fence but his own safety too if he was to fall.

Edited

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That's easy!

Tell him to get down (very firmly) or he'll break it and his parents won't be happy at having to pay for it

HelplessSoul · 18/05/2025 13:11

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Original poster

AmIRetirementAgeYet · 18/05/2025 13:18

So first attempt of asking the child not to climb the fence in case he breaks it and hurts himself has backfired…
He is now using a step ladder in the garden to look over into mine and the other neighbours gardens for a chat.
I have asked that he gets down as we would like some time to ourselves but 30-60mins later he is back asking more questions and trying to engage with us.
The parents again aren’t out in the garden with him and choose to stay indoors whilst all of this is going on. So unable to have a conversation with them or for them to overhear what I’m telling the child to get the hint.
I feel like my only option is to replace the fence with something higher.

OP posts:

Original poster

AmIRetirementAgeYet · 18/05/2025 13:18

Nanny0gg · 18/05/2025 12:47

That's easy!

Tell him to get down (very firmly) or he'll break it and his parents won't be happy at having to pay for it

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So first attempt of asking the child not to climb the fence in case he breaks it and hurts himself has backfired…
He is now using a step ladder in the garden to look over into mine and the other neighbours gardens for a chat.
I have asked that he gets down as we would like some time to ourselves but 30-60mins later he is back asking more questions and trying to engage with us.
The parents again aren’t out in the garden with him and choose to stay indoors whilst all of this is going on. So unable to have a conversation with them or for them to overhear what I’m telling the child to get the hint.
I feel like my only option is to replace the fence with something higher.

OP posts:

TheMeasure · 18/05/2025 13:22

So, be more blunt. "We have asked you not to do this - that includes you being on a stepladder. Please get down and let us have a bit of peace in our garden."
And then ignore him.

jenrobin · 18/05/2025 13:39

AmIRetirementAgeYet · 18/05/2025 13:18

So first attempt of asking the child not to climb the fence in case he breaks it and hurts himself has backfired…
He is now using a step ladder in the garden to look over into mine and the other neighbours gardens for a chat.
I have asked that he gets down as we would like some time to ourselves but 30-60mins later he is back asking more questions and trying to engage with us.
The parents again aren’t out in the garden with him and choose to stay indoors whilst all of this is going on. So unable to have a conversation with them or for them to overhear what I’m telling the child to get the hint.
I feel like my only option is to replace the fence with something higher.

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The parents don't need to be in the garden for you to speak with them, just knock and have a quick word. I think this is more of a face to face than a messaging situation. Some children are bad at social cues and need to have things explained to them by their own parents. If they know him at all, they will totally get it. Just tell them you've tried asking him nicely but he's simply not understanding you.

hangingonfordearlife1 · 18/05/2025 13:57

i wouldn’t be talking to the child at all, go and speak to their parents.

Nanny0gg · 18/05/2025 14:30

AmIRetirementAgeYet · 18/05/2025 13:18

So first attempt of asking the child not to climb the fence in case he breaks it and hurts himself has backfired…
He is now using a step ladder in the garden to look over into mine and the other neighbours gardens for a chat.
I have asked that he gets down as we would like some time to ourselves but 30-60mins later he is back asking more questions and trying to engage with us.
The parents again aren’t out in the garden with him and choose to stay indoors whilst all of this is going on. So unable to have a conversation with them or for them to overhear what I’m telling the child to get the hint.
I feel like my only option is to replace the fence with something higher.

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Just out of interest - what tone are you using?

And stop with the asking and start with the telling (strict teacher voice)

'Josh, get down NOW. You are going to break the fence and hurt yourself. WE will let you know if there is ever a time you can come and play. If you don't stop I'll have to come and speak to your mum and dad about it'
(and then you'll find out he's doing what they've told him to do!)

RunningJo · 18/05/2025 15:30

Not read the full thread so apologies if this has been suggested.
Could you buy some planters and grow bamboo in them against the fence, they grow thick and tall. Obviously not an immediate solution but would offer some privacy in time. Depending on your fence height, could you add slats across the top to give more height. I appreciate this is added expense you shouldn’t have to have, but if it means you get your garden space back, I’d consider it.

I wouldn’t be asking him to get down though, more telling and more stern, ‘get down off the fence now before you break it’ ‘if X wants to play he will call for you’ ‘stop peering over the fence now please’. And I would definitely be speaking to his parents. They may not see it as a problem, might even think it’s sweet how he chats to you, (I mean they must see him finding and using the step ladder and know he’s out there?) But it needs addressing else you’ve got this until he grows bored of it - which is obviously not going to happen for some time.
I feel for you Op, it would annoy me too.