Neighbours child constantly over the garden fence

[AmIRetirementAgeYet]

AIBU

My neighbour's child is constantly climbing the fence and perching their head over to talk to myself and my child throughout the day.

They are constantly listening out for the door to open or close and shout hello as soon as one of us comes out into the garden. Then they climb the fence to talk to us.

Now I don’t mind a chat but this child is constantly interrupting our conversations or play. Asking to come over to join us or asking where my child is and if he wants to play.

My child will often go inside because he gets no peace or let up from this child even when he says he does not want to play. The parents leave this child to their own devices a lot of the time but even when they are in the garden they do not ask their child to get down and stop bothering us.

What would you do in this situation? It is making us very uncomfortable but we don’t want to be rude either.

Strategic planting. I did a big planter with bamboo in.

You are overthinking this. Say something, or don’t. What you allow is what will continue.

I do stop and chat to him most of the time but it has now become persistent. We can’t go 10mins without him popping his head over especially if he can hear us talking or playing.

This is your problem. The child thinks talking is ok - because you’ve chatted with him. Children that age don’t have any understanding of limiting things. If they like it, they’ll carry on ad nauseam (yours!).

Do not ever talk to the child when you/he are in the back garden. Limit chat to when you’re in your front garden or in front of your house. Back gardens are private. That’s worked well for us: blank them in the back, but exchange a few friendly words in the front. They soon pick it up.

Trellis and some climbing plants.

It's difficult if you do want to chat over the fence but only on your own terms when it suits you.
It would be clearer to just have a standard rule. Otherwise it's very confusing for a young child that you want to chat sometimes but not others.

I agree front gardens for chatting and back gardens are private

Just say something like. We're busy. Please don't climb the fence. We'll chat next time we see you on the front. And then ignore. And repeat. Do not engage in the back

Plant some prickly plants?!

With all due respect, you're the ADULT.

How can you not deal with this simple situation? Its a kid FFS, not a JW banging on your door?

I would love you to stick this meme on their side of the fence in the night.

As you are at your wits end, say something firm to the child - "I don't want you to climb the fence any more. When we are in our garden, we want to talk just with each other. So please stop climbing up to talk to us".

I would say something like this, since it's got this far. It would be too blunt for you to do a complete switch without warning, ie just totally ignoring him or telling him off.

I'd also approach his parents and tell them that you want more privacy to enjoy your garden in peace, so you'd appreciate their telling their child not to climb on the fence (which will damage it over time, they're not built to withstand the weight of people on the structure) nor expect to be engaged with.

I think if it was me I’d say something like
‘hello x, we are busy today, climb down carefully now’ then ignore whatever he did or said.

This might sound cruel but could you just ignore him. I mean completely, no responses to his chattering.

He will eventually run to mummy and daddy and say that you won't answer his questions at which point you can have the conversation about fence climbing and privacy.

Messaging?? I thought they live next door? 😳

Whose fence is it btw?

If it's yours, you can tell the child not to climb up as they're going to break it.

Whose fence is it ? If it’s yours then politely ask the parents to stop him climbing the fence as if it gets damaged you will need to give them the bill. Then add trellis along the top.
If it’s not yours then I’d put a fence up in front of it in your garden to block them out.

Make up your mind. You need a consistent approach. You're not being kind to him by sometimes tolerating his chatter, sometimes inviting him over.

Big foghorn.

But really, you need to be consistent: he’s a kid. How’s he supposed to know when is OK to talk and when is too much when you sometimes will chat over the fence and sometimes not? Blanket rule: leave you all alone in the back garden. If you’ve got a front garden, make that the free-for-all.

Plus more strategic planting: trellis topper on the fence, fast-growing (prickly) climbers. Trees. Headphones (for you; don’t plant them).

@AmIRetirementAgeYet it is sad re the parents. Those saying just ignore the child I personally think that's the child being punished for the adults lack of intervention and your son may want to play with him as they get abit older and are able to hold their own boundaries.

Literally just talk to the parents and explain! You can't expect to haul all of this onto a child that isn't being taught any different!! If the parents don't know it bugs you then they aren't going to do anything about it, that's the crux of it.

Can’t you just speak to his parents and be very consistent with him? You say your ds and he talk over the fence, but you can’t have it both ways. Tell him no and mean it.

They live next door but they aren’t always out in the garden. They tend to stay indoors whilst the child is in the garden hence the suggestion to message…

It is my fence and I am also concerned about him constantly putting weight on the fence not only for the fence but his own safety too if he was to fall.

Presumably you sometimes have to tell your own child not to do something?

Its the same technique.

You’re right. I have no issue in telling my own child however from experience other parents don’t always appreciate their child being told by another adult.

Just speak to them like an adult face to face.

And it's good that you own the fence, definitely mention you're worried about it getting broken.

Also, stick some close woven trellis on top.

Thing is if you keep saying ‘can you get down please” you’ll have the mother at your door telling you off for not giving her entitled pest of a kid what he wants. Can’t she take him up the park? Fucking nuisance.

Retractable washing line along the length of the boundary fence.
Cheap cotton sheets and some pegs.

Hide behind your makeshift "fort"