Neighbours child constantly over the garden fence

[AmIRetirementAgeYet]

AIBU

My neighbour's child is constantly climbing the fence and perching their head over to talk to myself and my child throughout the day.

They are constantly listening out for the door to open or close and shout hello as soon as one of us comes out into the garden. Then they climb the fence to talk to us.

Now I don’t mind a chat but this child is constantly interrupting our conversations or play. Asking to come over to join us or asking where my child is and if he wants to play.

My child will often go inside because he gets no peace or let up from this child even when he says he does not want to play. The parents leave this child to their own devices a lot of the time but even when they are in the garden they do not ask their child to get down and stop bothering us.

What would you do in this situation? It is making us very uncomfortable but we don’t want to be rude either.

Hosepipe. Child begone .

People and animals get hurt all the time.

Big deal.

“Hi child, we’re having private family time now so please climb down and we’ll speak later”.

Say it loudly when parents in earshot.

You have to be on a wind up now.

Oh give over, she’s trying to work out what to do. She’s not ignoring suggestions although I’d argue quite a few suggestions and in fact, posts, should be.

Luckily, there’s no requirement for her to take batshit advice.

‘Don’t climb the fence please sweetheart / name of child you might hurt yourself or break it, you can talk to us when we’re at the front of the house.’

My next door neighbour did this as a pathetic attempt to intimidate us into going through with, and fully paying for a higher fence! Honestly it takes all sorts! They're probably looking for free childcare care from you, so that they don't have to entertain their own child. I'd say to the child, "Can you please not look over the fence, you could fall, and we're having some private time in our garden at the moment." If the child keeps doing it say, "Could you please go get your Mummy or Daddy?" Then have a polite word op.

Messaging the parents sounds fine to me. Unless you see them regularly, it's more casual to just text them than to march round and knock on the door. Depends on the neighbourhood though as I know some people casually pop over to the neighbours (I would rather die - JK...kind of)

You've tried gently telling him to go away. I don't actually think you should get really stern or rude with him personally. He's only a little kid. Message his parents who seem to ignore him most of the time, which is just sad

He would actually really enjoy this

Water pistol to the trap, job done 👍

Do the deeds say that the fence is your responsibility , or theirs? Whichever it is, use this fact to engine your conversation when you raise with the parents.

If my neighbours kid kept climbing on my fence, I'd be round there...

Get down off my fence love, you are going to break it. Get down now and stop shouting over at us, go on get down, my fence is going to break if you keep climbing on it and then your Mum and Dad are going to have to pay for a new one, so get down and stop climbing on it.

Rinse and repeat

I should have used the paying for it line on my nbrs, it would have stopped this in a heartbeat! This is a good thing to say op.

Why should a neighbour have to do this over and over? I'd get tired of that really fast.

Speak to the parents. If they take offence, that's their problem. It's their child to raise.

So first attempt of asking the child not to climb the fence in case he breaks it and hurts himself has backfired…

He is now using a step ladder in the garden to look over into mine and the other neighbours gardens for a chat.

I have asked that he gets down as we would like some time to ourselves but 30-60mins later he is back asking more questions and trying to engage with us.

The parents again aren’t out in the garden with him and choose to stay indoors whilst all of this is going on. So unable to have a conversation with them or for them to overhear what I’m telling the child to get the hint.

I feel like my only option is to replace the fence with something higher.

Just go around to the neighbours, knock on the door and gently ask them to explain to little Nigel that of you have said no to playing he needs to leave you alone and not keep pestering you while you're in the garden.

I feel like my only option is to replace the fence with something higher

Speaking with your neighbours, who will know all about what's going on, costs nothing.

Echoing PPs, trying to talk to the neighbours is your first step.

Turning the fence panels round so the bar is on your side might help (assuming he can't get the step ladder all the time). Although the nicer side is plain, traditionally the owner has the bar on their side as it offers better security against people trying to climb in to your property.

https://www.therange.co.uk/garden/fencing-and-landscaping/garden-screening-and-trellis/bamboo-garden-screening#887415

Bamboo screening against the fence might be a low cost option rather than replace the whole fence. You may only need it for a couple of years before the child is out playing in the street rather than in the garden.

Have you tried speaking to his parents? I think you were right to try asking him to just stop first, but I think he's particularly obtuse and it's now beyond a joke. "Hi, I've asked little Johnny to stop climbing on and leaning over our fence because it was damaging the fence and it was really interrupting our privacy. He's now using a ladder and coming back to look over the fence half an hour after being asked to go away. I'm sure he doesn't mean any harm, but he isn't getting the message so I will need you to speak with him about not doing this any more". He seems ultra literal so he needs as many people as possible to explain the rules to him in the bluntest way and his parents know him best. You've told him he can't climb so he gets a ladder, you tell him to go, he assumes this means come back later. It needs to be very unsoftened language "You're not allowed to look over the fence ever, at all. Stop doing it and do not come back later." This message must come from all the adults. If that fails, trellis.

"like some time" sounds like he took you literally at your word and gave you SOME time 😂

How about “Get down from the fence sweetheart and go and tell your mummy and daddy that you’re lonely and you want them to play with you, we’re busy.” On repeat.

This is really tricky imo. We're lucky enough to get along great with our neighbours of 2 different house next to ourselves. We all have 2 kids of various ages but they all get along great 90% of the time. We're also lucky that there is a really good, untold balance between who goes to whose house do it's not always the same house/garden being used. But the big factor in this is that at least 1 parent of each household is always there with the kids and involved in the decision of who goes where. We don't let the kids dictate that or bother the neighbour constantly, that is sp antisocial! I would tell the kid to go and fetch their parent to discuss it with them every time he pokes h9s head to ask. And be as insistent as him, bore him no ends and he'll probably calm down a bit.

We used to have three foot fences between our house and next door. Every time we were in the garden the man from next door would make stupid comments to us, try to be funny or engage us in conversation. We really liked this family but it was just too much. We moved eventually and never had low fences again. We later found out the people who bought our house replaced the fence with a six foot one when our ex neighbours were away for the weekend.

I don’t know , kids just like playing with other kids , it’s what makes a childhood really ..🤷‍♀️ Obviously if it’s annoying your dc that’s not ok but it’s so cruel some of the suggestions. Are they an only child maybe? Probably bored…
I’d say it to the parents if it’s an issue for you . I’m definitely someone who doesn’t mind other kids coming over as long as their parents are aware and accept responsibility if a child fell etc . I’m actually quite introverted and my kids have siblings and play all together so we don’t need play dates etc but I’ve no issue with other kids joining in at all and it tends to work well. Bottom line though if you and your dc aren’t happy I’d talk to the parents.