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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Siblings should go to the same school

74 replies

CookiesnCrumbs · 04/05/2025 09:39

We have three children and have recently moved to Maidenhead. Our eldest is currently in Year 7, our second in Year 6 and our youngest in Year 4. Our middle child just got offered a spot in a great high school that we really like for Year 7. They are full in Year 8 for next year though--how reasonable is it for me to ask the high school to make room for our eldest? Especially keeping in mind that our youngest will be going to that school as well to me it seems reasonable for them to expand that year and accept our daughter. Is this common? Does the Borough get involved in these cases? AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
CookiesnCrumbs · 04/05/2025 11:32

Thanks for the advice and/or thoughts. We arrived recently (Oct 2024) from overseas (Spain) and we were given spots at the nearest school with space as we were obviously not in time for applications. The school is quite far and makes dropoffs and pickups very difficult because our youngest is in year 4 and can't go home alone. The schedules are very similar between schools and traffic in the area is significant. The bus in the area runs every hour so that's not an option. We've applied for school transport but have not heard back even though we've insisted. Our middle child was given a spot closer to our home (we are within catchment for this new school, as someone asked) and we are on the waiting list for our eldest as we applied as soon as we arrived because that is our closest high school. I imagine that now with our middle child we should move up on the waiting list in September and maybe we get lucky. The admission criteria does give priority to siblings even though it is a high school and apart from distance we do feel that this school is a better fit for both our daughters. We've been told that PAN can be expanded by up to 7 for the year and theyve added 3 pupils last year so I wanted to know if anybody has had PAN expanded for a sibling/catchment situation in the past. Frankly having people accuse me of being entitled seems harsh--all I'm asking for is an opinion on whether this is common or not and if anybody has had a similar experience and can tell us how it ended up working out.

OP posts:
minnienono · 04/05/2025 11:34

Perfectly reasonable to go onto the waiting list if there isn’t space but no they won’t be making a space

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 04/05/2025 11:48

It can be a but if a logistical nightmare, but if it's any comfort, my children have thrived being at different schools.

CloverPyramid · 04/05/2025 11:49

I agree that it makes sense for siblings to go to the same school. But that doesn’t mean an extra place needs to be created in the good one that one sibling got into, or that the LA needs to do the legwork to ensure they are together.

In my opinion, the solution is for you as a parent have to do the work to find the best school that has places for all your children. Or accept they go to different ones.

wafflesmgee · 04/05/2025 11:49

Hilarious!
YABVU

Tiswa · 04/05/2025 11:52

Do they have sibling priority as an admission criteria? Because once the year 7 child is in the position on the waiting list for the year 8 child should change and they would move up (potentially to right near if not at the top) if a space became available.

but if a space became available is key they cannot just create a space it would need movement. But speak to the school as well

Amba1998 · 04/05/2025 11:53

In our local council siblings being at different schools and increased travel time is explicitly listed as not a valid reason to appeal

Tbrh · 04/05/2025 11:58

It's not their problem you moved? But also it can be nice for kids so be at their own school rather than be in the shadow of their sibling

CloverPyramid · 04/05/2025 12:07

CookiesnCrumbs · 04/05/2025 11:32

Thanks for the advice and/or thoughts. We arrived recently (Oct 2024) from overseas (Spain) and we were given spots at the nearest school with space as we were obviously not in time for applications. The school is quite far and makes dropoffs and pickups very difficult because our youngest is in year 4 and can't go home alone. The schedules are very similar between schools and traffic in the area is significant. The bus in the area runs every hour so that's not an option. We've applied for school transport but have not heard back even though we've insisted. Our middle child was given a spot closer to our home (we are within catchment for this new school, as someone asked) and we are on the waiting list for our eldest as we applied as soon as we arrived because that is our closest high school. I imagine that now with our middle child we should move up on the waiting list in September and maybe we get lucky. The admission criteria does give priority to siblings even though it is a high school and apart from distance we do feel that this school is a better fit for both our daughters. We've been told that PAN can be expanded by up to 7 for the year and theyve added 3 pupils last year so I wanted to know if anybody has had PAN expanded for a sibling/catchment situation in the past. Frankly having people accuse me of being entitled seems harsh--all I'm asking for is an opinion on whether this is common or not and if anybody has had a similar experience and can tell us how it ended up working out.

PAN being expanded is for very exceptional circumstances, such as twins or stepsiblings being in joint place for the final spot or a child applying for an in-year transfer who has additional needs that can only be catered for specifically by that school (eg an SEN pathway, a trained TA who knows braille etc) or has an EHCP naming that school. It isn’t just because more people want places than are available.

LIZS · 04/05/2025 12:32

They can’t just “make space”! You could make an in year application for eldest then appeal if refused, and/or go on waiting list. Assuming this is not a selective school where process may differ slightly. If they have attended since October could they not travel independently next year?

IzzyHandsIsMySpiritAnimal · 04/05/2025 12:37

Unfortunately you are being unreasonable.

Schools allocate places based on certain criteria and you can't use the argument that "Little Jimmy has a sibling in the school" - there will be a reserve/waiting list and there will be other children with siblings in the school hoping to get a place, along with others meeting the various other criteria.

LIZS · 04/05/2025 12:43

And you won’t go up the waiting list until sibling has started at the school in September. You may need to check your dc1 is still on wl after the summer,

Itisjustmyopinion · 04/05/2025 12:49

We've applied for school transport but have not heard back even though we've insisted.

Well as you have insisted, I would expect them to be right on it. Not like they have nothing better to do 🙄

Very entitled attitude. What if every pupil in the school had two siblings like you, they can’t magic up extra classrooms just to “squeeze them in”

StarTwirl · 04/05/2025 12:53

Your eldest as you know by now has jumped the queue re sibling so will more than likely get a place in September

StarTwirl · 04/05/2025 12:54

Also the more you stamp your feet and make a fuss the less likely you’ll get anything you ask for

Screamingabdabz · 04/05/2025 13:00

Everyone who gets refused a place wants the school to ‘just expand the year’ to fit their child! 😂

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 04/05/2025 13:00

how reasonable is it for me to ask the high school to make room for our eldest
it's not at all.

I am honestly curious
Especially keeping in mind that our youngest will be going to that school as well

why do you think YOU are doing THEM a favour by sending your kids there?

ItsFridayIminLoveJS · 04/05/2025 13:02

Good luck with that
Three Grandsons only 18 months between them .. all offered different high schools.
Took two out to HE.

80smonster · 04/05/2025 13:03

Nope. They shouldn’t have a sibling rule in any state school. Why should someone who had fewer children be less important than you? This is such an entitled post.

LIZS · 04/05/2025 13:25

StarTwirl · 04/05/2025 12:53

Your eldest as you know by now has jumped the queue re sibling so will more than likely get a place in September

Not until the second child has started.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 04/05/2025 15:50

Itisjustmyopinion · 04/05/2025 12:49

We've applied for school transport but have not heard back even though we've insisted.

Well as you have insisted, I would expect them to be right on it. Not like they have nothing better to do 🙄

Very entitled attitude. What if every pupil in the school had two siblings like you, they can’t magic up extra classrooms just to “squeeze them in”

Bearing in mind that the OP is Spanish, I suspect the use of "insisted" here isn't quite right, or as entitled as it sounds.

The system for allocating school places in English state schools is nuts. It is understandable that someone not familiar with it will make errors in navigating it.

CaramelGhost · 04/05/2025 15:54

I'd also consider your child. You say you've moved, so they have already had to settle into one new school (unlike most year sevens who join with their primary friends)and now you're thinking of moving then again?

The school likely won't support as the majority of pupils make their own way to school at that age, there are no sibling rules

hazelnutvanillalatte · 04/05/2025 15:58

My youngest is going into reception and got a different school from his siblings - and they are at our local school. I have declined the place and stated my case so will see what happens. I definitely don't think it's fair

WonderingWanda · 04/05/2025 16:03

They can't just go over PAN for your child. There will have been a whole host of children/ parents who applied for a place in that year group who applied in year 6 and didn't get a place as well as some who applied since. All you can do is go on a waiting list.

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 04/05/2025 16:09

80smonster · 04/05/2025 13:03

Nope. They shouldn’t have a sibling rule in any state school. Why should someone who had fewer children be less important than you? This is such an entitled post.

sibling rule is also terribly unfair because it means parents live in a nice area only long enough to put one into their chosen school, then move out. Thankfully it is disappearing and not used in many counties anymore.