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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Siblings should go to the same school

74 replies

CookiesnCrumbs · 04/05/2025 09:39

We have three children and have recently moved to Maidenhead. Our eldest is currently in Year 7, our second in Year 6 and our youngest in Year 4. Our middle child just got offered a spot in a great high school that we really like for Year 7. They are full in Year 8 for next year though--how reasonable is it for me to ask the high school to make room for our eldest? Especially keeping in mind that our youngest will be going to that school as well to me it seems reasonable for them to expand that year and accept our daughter. Is this common? Does the Borough get involved in these cases? AIBU?

OP posts:
DragonBalls · 04/05/2025 09:42

You can ask, but tbh you sound pretty entitled to think they should expand a year just to suit you. And I’m being polite here. Obviously I get why you would want this and I would feel the same, but…

BobbyBiscuits · 04/05/2025 09:43

I don't think they can just add children into the year because their siblings is joining the school in year 7. Lots of families could all say the same thing and it just wouldn't be reasonable.
It's not uncommon for kids to go to different schools. You don't have a legal obligation or anything to a place for all your children.
I guess you can ask but I'd say it won't work.

AppleKatie · 04/05/2025 09:44

Yeah that isn’t how it works

sunshineandshowers40 · 04/05/2025 09:44

Is this a state school? Wouldn't your oldest child be near the top of the waitlist as they would now be a sibling? Schools have to follow their admission policy. How many students are in each year group- secondary schools usually have a lot of movement over the academic year (unless it is a small school).

TheAmusedQuail · 04/05/2025 09:45

I assume you're out of catchment? I think you need to make the decision about your middle child, based on the idea your eldest child won't get in there. The fuss with Romesh Ranganathan demonstrates that it isn't possible to negotiate school placements.

It might not be fair, but it's how it is. At least you have some heads up to help you make your decision.

B1indEye · 04/05/2025 09:45

Doesn't matter what you think is reasonable, ask them and they will apply whatever rules cover the situation and tell you the outcome

No one here can know what it will be

MissJeanBrodiesmother · 04/05/2025 09:46

It is not about asking. You apply at the correct time and if you meet the criteria your eldest will be admitted or not. The school doesn't choose to or not.

Rosecoffeecup · 04/05/2025 09:46

Get your soon to be Y8 child on the waiting list and then once the soon to be Y7 is actually on roll they will move up, presuming there is sibling criteria

If them being together is your priority, did you apply for a place at the current Y7's secondary school? What was the reason for them not being offered?

KarmenPQZ · 04/05/2025 09:48

Is your eldest in the waiting list? Surely with sibling priority they’ll be near the top so just wait til a space come available.

i know a few families who send their kids to different schools as they think it’s what’s best for the kids. It’s perhaps slightly sad that the kids aren’t having a shared experience but has its benefits if it’s what right for them.

SE13Mummy · 04/05/2025 09:49

Have you applied to the high school for your eldest? You will need to look at the admissions criteria for the school to see if having a younger sibling on roll will give your eldest priority. If it does, that will only come into play once your middle child starts Y7.

Has the borough allocated your eldest a school place for now?

RareGoalsVerge · 04/05/2025 09:49

Yabu to say they should expand, but yanbu to want to move your eldest. However, there are often shifts and spaces especially for y9 or y10 and once your middle child is on the roll your eldest will be top of the priority list to receive any place that becomes available. The detriment for a y8 pupil being at a different school to their y7 sibling is minimal. 11-13 yo kids are perfectly capable of getting themselves to and from school and functioning there without a sibling. Tbh it's probably beneficial to your middle child NOT to start at the same school as the eldest sibling. When this happened to me, for the first time in my life, I was just me, rather than X's little sister. But if your elder child gets a place in y9 later on when someone leaves, that benefit won't get lost.

Springhassprungxx · 04/05/2025 09:51

sunshineandshowers40 · 04/05/2025 09:44

Is this a state school? Wouldn't your oldest child be near the top of the waitlist as they would now be a sibling? Schools have to follow their admission policy. How many students are in each year group- secondary schools usually have a lot of movement over the academic year (unless it is a small school).

Came on to say this - at best op it will bump you up the waiting list but they can't increase their capacity unless your child has an EHCP or os a looked after/previously looked after child (well that's our policy anyway)

PrincessOfPreschool · 04/05/2025 09:52

My child did not get into the same school as their older sibling, despite it being out nearest school and older sibling there (one of the criteria had changed). We appealed and nothing came of it. We had some very good grounds for appeal, mistakes made which were not ours, not just sibling - and we still didn't get in. It was OK having them in different schools and I now actually prefer the school we were given.

So no, I very much doubt this demand will do any good. Once your second DC is in, you will get a sibling preference on the waiting list so you can stay on the waiting list and your Y8 will need to move if/when they get a space if they still want to.

Noranydroptodrink · 04/05/2025 09:53

They won't make space for you now and you would look mad to ask tbh as that just isn't how it works. But as a pp said your eldest will be much higher up the waiting list now as a sibling so could get a place quite soon.

Basically you're not wrong to think siblings going to the same school makes sense and they should take that into account - and they do - it's just that they take it into account when deciding order of priority only. They can't take in extra pupils because of it, so siblings not yet in still have to wait for a space to come up by someone leaving. I think the only exception to that rule is twins.

BlondiePortz · 04/05/2025 09:56

They shouldn't do anything, you can ask though

Moveoverdarlin · 04/05/2025 09:57

Just ask the official process and follow it. Chances are a space may come available in the summer, but if there’s six on the waiting list then maybe not. Just have an open chat with them. Don’t be pissy if they say no, there is a process, they won’t change things for you.

MrsPeterHarris · 04/05/2025 09:58

DragonBalls · 04/05/2025 09:42

You can ask, but tbh you sound pretty entitled to think they should expand a year just to suit you. And I’m being polite here. Obviously I get why you would want this and I would feel the same, but…

This!

Mydoglovescheese · 04/05/2025 10:05

My 3 GC (siblings) all go to different secondary schools. Each goes to the school that is the best fit for them. They have learned to travel independently and their personalities have blossomed in their different environments.

Bluevelvetsofa · 04/05/2025 10:07

You may not be the only family who move into the area in similar circumstances. Schools have a PAN and that is fixed, unless there are exceptional circumstances. Yours aren’t exceptional. Put your daughter on the waiting list and hope that a place will become available early in the autumn term.

CompletelyFlopped · 04/05/2025 10:08

I empathise with your situation.

However, my son's school is full to bursting already!

If I thought his class sizes had to increase further just because someone had made a lifestyle choice, I'd not be overly happy about that!

Namechangetry · 04/05/2025 10:10

well to me it seems reasonable for them to expand that year and accept our daughter

How does it seem reasonable to you? Do you think every school should just expand their classes for everyone who wants their child to go there, or that you are special and the rules that apply to everyone else should not apply to you?

TeenToTwenties · 04/05/2025 10:14
  1. Have you applied / are you on wait list for the school for the eldest. And is there sibling priority (in which case you may be quite high up list already)
  2. Yes you can appeal. But In my non expert view you will need a far better argument than 'siblings should go to same school'. In grammar areas up and down the country siblings go to different schools due to different academics or sex.
  3. Appeal should focus on why your eldest will be disadvantaged by not going to preferred school, eg extra curricular, subjects offered, pastoral care needs or whatever.
  4. If you do want to appeal go onto the Secondary Education board rather than AIBU for advice from experts.
TheSilentMajority · 04/05/2025 10:21

When kids are in high school there is no sibling rule because they are assuming a child that age can use public transport so no need for same drop offs / pick ups.
the school would have its entry points on its website
plus just ask if there is space for your eldest there is a lot of movement in schools

user2848502016 · 04/05/2025 10:21

You can ask but they could say no. It depends how difficult it will make travel really. My youngest DD is likely to be going to a different secondary school to my eldest (her preference), but one will get the bus and the other is walking distance so getting them there is not a problem.
Does your eldest want to change school though? If they’re settled and have made friends I don’t think I’d move them just so they can be at the same school as their sibling.

Ionacat · 04/05/2025 10:24

Admissions are bound by the school admissions code, so they can’t just make a space for your eldest if you ask. You have to apply and either wait for a space to become available if the year group is full or appeal. However once your middle child starts, your oldest is likely to be near the top of the waiting list and you may get a space that way. If you want your eldest to go there, then get on the waiting list asap. and then make sure that they apply the sibling link as soon as your middle child is on roll.

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