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Original poster

Boyfriends weird reaction to male name and number on a bit of paper

76 replies

Waspee · 03/05/2025 14:35

Was this a weird reaction?

I’m in a fairly new relationship. Both late 20s. Boyfriend found a ripped off piece of paper with a male name and number written down whilst cleaning my car as a favour (I am driving a group of hens next weekend and mentioned needing to get car cleaned). The number was for a gardener I ran into when in my local. I’ve been searching for him for years as he was extremely reasonably priced and did a decent job when my parents used him for their garden years ago. He’s also in his 50s if not 60s.

Anyway, boyfriend very dramatically pulls out the paper when we were in the middle of having dinner (I had made an effort to cook and set the table nicely) and he very abruptly says “can you please explain this”. He’s not in the slightest bit controlling but the whole thing just weirded me out. How to make a mountain out of a molehill…

I’ve not seen a single red flag in the few months we’ve been serious. I’m not saying this is a right red flag but it’s not a green one either.

Why not breezily mention “oh and here’s the number you had written down, still need it?”

OP posts:
notacooldad · 03/05/2025 17:13

Most people I know whip out their phone and put a number straight in rather than having little bits of paper hanging around which inevitably get lost. So the only reason I can think is that BF thought that some bloke had written his number down and slipped it to OP.

That is most people you know though and not true of everyone.

Yesterday I was given a number over the phone to contact a different department of the council. It is easier to scribble the number down on a piece of paper than ask them to hold on, open notes in my phone and listen and type it in. Dh is self employed and on his desk there's loads of bits of paper with things like ' Bob ( tyre guy) 077......

It's still common to write on paper. I know it's a dying art but it's not extinct yet!

Endofyear · 03/05/2025 20:02

Well, it certainly would make me wary and it's something you need to keep an eye on. Any repeat of jealous/suspicious/controlling behaviour and I'd be off! Hopefully it's a one off and he feels pretty silly now.

Notsosure1 · 03/05/2025 20:33

WasherWoman25 · 03/05/2025 14:48

This feels a bit MN double standards again.

Woman finds a ripped up woman’s phone number and it’s get your ducks in a row, don’t believe what he says, do some digging etc.

Exactly this - I was going to say, if it had been a woman’s name and number on a piece of paper in your partner’s car, how would most of you (including OP) react?

WasherWoman25 · 03/05/2025 20:55

Notsosure1 · 03/05/2025 20:33

Exactly this - I was going to say, if it had been a woman’s name and number on a piece of paper in your partner’s car, how would most of you (including OP) react?

Show quote history

According to most of the PP’s they would have politely asked with no concerns what so ever. We all know this isn’t true in reality.

AnonWho23 · 03/05/2025 21:14

I wouldn't really be bothered as a one off. He felt worried, jealous, fearful, confused. He approached you about it the wring way buy we've all miss communicated or reacted incorrectly on occasion. He didn't double down when you told him who it was. I'd let it go. But, if it becomes a pattern then he'd be gone. Realistically, in the first 2 years they are on their best behaviour. It doesn't get better than that.

TheFormidableMrsC · 03/05/2025 21:17

I’d get rid I’m afraid. His first thought is that you had to explain a name and number he found in your car. Absolutely not. If it’s a new relationship then I’d get out. He’s shown you what he is, listen to him.

Biffbaff · 03/05/2025 21:21

Yeah it's the narcissist-style mean performance at dinner that gives me the heebie jeebies here. Shows a nasty streak. It's cruel and calculated waiting until dinner to bring this up. I don't like the idea of him seething away and then acting like he's on EastEnders. Sorry but he needs to get a life.

notacooldad · 03/05/2025 21:41

Exactly this - I was going to say, if it had been a woman’s name and number on a piece of paper in your partner’s car, how would most of you (including OP) react?

This is OPs new partner. Why would he be abruptly demanding explanations.
Anyway I've had a marriage full of names on scrap paper, men's and women's. I've never had the need to ask but along the line I find out they are from, I don't know now, but business or customer related.

Silsatrip · 04/05/2025 00:29

My dh gets lots of calls from strange women, sometimes men, sometimes they are trying to give him money. (He is a bit like Will).

I have never demand he explain himself (I do take the money if they call to the door or pass on his number if anyone asks for iy)

The13thFairy · 04/05/2025 09:58

"He's not in the slightest bit controlling" - I'm slapping my thighs at this!

Bridestone · 04/05/2025 10:02

I’d be moving on without this one. Melodramatic performances of jealousy don’t do it for me.

Lavender14 · 04/05/2025 10:06

WasherWoman25 · 03/05/2025 14:48

This feels a bit MN double standards again.

Woman finds a ripped up woman’s phone number and it’s get your ducks in a row, don’t believe what he says, do some digging etc.

I agree, I think I'd have questioned if I found that tbh.

I think for me the key is how quickly he dropped it and accepted your explanation. If he'd continued to not believe you or used it as an excuse to go off on one then I think that would be red flag territory but he's asked you to explain it and then accepted your explanation. I wouldn't lose sleep over this unless it comes up again.

Maddy70 · 04/05/2025 10:06

The advice on here always makes me laugh , if it was a female finding a girls number in his car everyone would be in an uproar. And ltb.

He was worried. He asked you about it. Issue solved.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 04/05/2025 10:07

It's the way he did it that's a bit of an ick though. You'd pull it out, look at it, say 'oi, whose number have you been getting?!' hear the explanation, laugh, move on.

Putting it in his pocket, brooding on it, waiting til the middle of dinner.. ick.

BlueEyedBogWitch · 04/05/2025 10:10

Oh my god, chuck him.

My first husband was a pompous arse from day 1, too. I should have dumped him and saved myself 20 years of misery.

Notsosure1 · 04/05/2025 18:57

TheFormidableMrsC · 03/05/2025 21:17

I’d get rid I’m afraid. His first thought is that you had to explain a name and number he found in your car. Absolutely not. If it’s a new relationship then I’d get out. He’s shown you what he is, listen to him.

Wouldn’t your first thought be for your partner to explain name and phone number of random person the opposite sex hidden in their car tho?

notacooldad · 04/05/2025 19:12

@Lavender14
I agree, I think I'd have questioned if I found that tbh.
Questioned or 'abruptly demanded? There's a world of difference right there.

@Notsosure1
Wouldn’t your first thought be for your partner to explain name and phone number of random person the opposite sex hidden in their car tho?

He's a new boyfriend, where does it say the number is hidden and no, my first thought wouldn't be to question because it's non of my buisness. I never in 35 years of being with dh have questioned him and dh has never questioned me about numbers either. We were/ are both secure with each other right from the beginning.
Neither have questioned about names in contacts either while I'm at it!

Phone numbers could be anything, a mobile car wash guy, a recommended decorator, car diagnostic chap etc. Why would you need to question?
Bizarre!

It's not a double standard in our house we are treating each other the same.

BeNiceWhenItsFinished · 04/05/2025 19:19

Waspee · 03/05/2025 14:44

I would say he felt silly. He certainly didn’t not believe me

Well that's very magnanimous of him.
Confused

Missj25 · 04/05/2025 19:51

Waspee · 03/05/2025 14:44

I would say he felt silly. He certainly didn’t not believe me

Well then , there’s your answer OP ..
If he was a control freak , that’s not the reaction you would have gotten …
He’s just a little unsure if himself, it is the beginning after all …..🙂

pimplebum · 04/05/2025 19:56

I’d be very wary and assume this is how he rolls
it’s a new relationship so he is now showing his true colours

Missj25 · 04/05/2025 23:09

Maddy70 · 04/05/2025 10:06

The advice on here always makes me laugh , if it was a female finding a girls number in his car everyone would be in an uproar. And ltb.

He was worried. He asked you about it. Issue solved.

If it had been other way around as you say PP
The pitch forks would have been out 😂 😂

HerfNerder · 04/05/2025 23:28

As he accepted your explanation and seemed a bit sheepish afterward, I'd just file it away and get on with life. If he treats you like a suspect in a crime drama or soap opera for a second time, I'd tell him I wasn't prepared to live this way and it needs to stop. If he has concerns, he should raise them in a calm manner, and if you've never given him legitimate reason to suspect you of cheating, he needs to show some faith in you.

Rewis · 04/05/2025 23:37

Maybe I'm just tired. But I'm kinda missing the red flag. He found a piece of paper with a mandatory first name and a phone number. He brought it up over dinner and listened and accepted the explanation.

Bridestone · 04/05/2025 23:46

Rewis · 04/05/2025 23:37

Maybe I'm just tired. But I'm kinda missing the red flag. He found a piece of paper with a mandatory first name and a phone number. He brought it up over dinner and listened and accepted the explanation.

You don’t think pulling out the piece of paper in the middle of dinner and demanding an explanation is a bit ‘melodramatic showdown’?

S0j0urn4r · 05/05/2025 00:03

It's a red flag.