To move DS for the last term of school nursery?

[Persimo]

Details altered to avoid outing.

So DS will be off to reception in September. He used to go to day nursery, where he was popular and well liked, but the day nursery only take children up to 3 years old, so we then sent DS to the school nursery at our preferred primary, school A.

DS liked nursery at school A, except that there is a boy there (let's call him O) who consistently verbally and physically bullies other children, unprovoked. There are several children who O treats like this, and so my DH and I, and several other sets of parents, have gone into school to ask them to stop the bullying. School A claim to have tried to deal with the bullying, but it hasn't stopped.

The problem is, whilst my DS doesn't make a fuss about going into nursery, he unsurprisingly hates being around O. Since being picked on by O, DS's behaviour has really deteriorated. DS now cries at the drop of a hat, and seems to assume the worst of everyone now (i.e: if a child knocks over his block tower, he will now get angry and assume they did it on purpose, whereas in the past it wouldn't have phased him). DS has gone from being very gentle and sweet to being rough and aggressive with other children, he's like a completely different child.

In light of school A's inability to deal with O, DS won't be going there for Reception, he will be going to school B (other parents say it is a very happy school, great ofsted, great sats) instead. However school B doesn't have a nursery. I don't really want DS spending the last 3 months of term being picked on by O but I need the childcare, as I work full time.

There is one other nursery for DS's age group locally, again attached to a primary school (school C). School C has spaces in their nursery, but definitely wouldn't have a space for DS in reception as they are very oversubscribed.

My options are:

1. Leave DS at school A for the rest of the academic year, and then he moves to school B for reception
2. Move DS from school A to the nursery at school C for the last term, then he moves to school B for Reception

I am really torn and would greatly appreciate some advice.

YABU- leave DS where he is until the end of the school year
YANBU- move him, moving nursery and then to a new reception is fine

Move him.. if you want to keep his social networks going you can arrange play dates with kids you know will be at his future primary.. but as you have the choice.. I would move him.

hmmm. I wouldn't move him for a term that's really disruptive.

Is a childminder a possibility? It sounds like the imperative is to have childcare in place as opposed to the other benefits of nursery, so that might be easier in terms of settling him in (it will also provide you a childcare option for wrap around and school holidays once he starts school, if you don't already have that planned). I'd be loathe to move for what is just a few weeks before the summer holiday as I think it might be quite disruptive for him.

Where do the children who attend school B go to pre-school? Can your DS go there?

@RedSkyDelights local childminders are unfortunately full, otherwise that would be my preference.

I think I am torn as O is consistently hitting and pushing over my DS, telling my DS that he can't be his friend and telling other children not to play with DS, and school A are doing nothing about it, and DS has become really anxious and angry and rough as a result. So for me it's damage limitation.

I hope to work out what would be better for DS, moving nursery and then reception, but going somewhere where he isn't bullied, or staying put at that school until the end of the academic year and being bullied, but then moving for reception.

The thing is, there could very well be an 'O' at school C. What would you do then?

Do you know where O will be going to school?

@TheignT O is staying put at school A. I think the challenge for me is that my DS had no difficulty avoiding and being unaffected by tricky children at day nursery, but this particular boy just will not leave him alone, and my DS has become really angry and distressed as a result.

Don't let him keep being bullied. Move him. Sounds like it's really affecting him and kids adapt quickly to new settings at this age. If he's not going to school A there is no point letting him keep having these unhappy times at setting A.

Many schools will have an O, or in some cases a few Os. The difference is that some schools will do a decent job of supporting O, figuring out and dealing with Os behaviour and also protecting and supporting the other children, and some schools won’t. I actually have enormous sympathy with children like O, one of my own children has been O on occasion, but it does need sorting out for everyone’s sake and some schools just aren’t able to do that.

I would move your child - or put another way, I wouldn’t be sending him into nursery A given the impact it’s having on him.

We had similar, but didn't have your foresight and waited a long while to move DS. It's one of my biggest regrets in life and I think moving is absolutely the right thing to do.

Ask school B about other settings their kids tend to come in from, there might be another option you aren't aware of where he can make some friends before he starts. If not, then the other school.

I'd move him. My dd started to hate nursery in her last year before school. I was pregnant at the time so thought it was down to that. Over 4 months it got progressively worse and there was a lot of staff turnover. We moved her to a school nursery (not the one she was going to school at) in the Feb. Instantly she was a different child and I wish I'd moved her sooner. Granted Feb is a fair bit earlier than May but the difference was instant. We even ended up changing school preferences to stay at the new nursery.

Only thing I'd consider is what is your plan for over the summer? Will there be different childcare again before school?

@WombatStewForTea annual leave is saved up so DS will be home over summer, so it would be nursery, then a break for the summer, then new reception

if you do love him you wont be able to use thy e funding for another nursery place so you’d have to pay the full amount. Just something to take into account when deciding.

A move and then another move will be very disruptive but sadly it sounds like the lesser of two evils for the poor lad.

That isn't true. There may not be any restrictions depending on switch (school to school for example), and if there are then the local authority can approve a move - which they should do if it's due to bullying.

I'd move him too. Where do most children who are going to School B go to nursery? Any chance you can get him in there? That way, it's not just a move to escape Child O, it's a positive move to help your DS get to know his future classmates before starting school, and ease his transition there.

I think move him. If there's only two nurseries for children this age, he might already know someone there, or someone from the school C nursery might also end up going to school B. Plus it sounds like he was ok moving from old nursery to his current one. I think it'll be good for your son to relearn being in a nursery environment is fun / ok / safe before he moves on to reception.

Three months is a really long time when you're that age so I would move him. It shows him you're listening to him and taking care of him.

He will also widen his circle of friends and gain confidence.

I have to tell you there will always be a bully, there will always be a discrepancy as to how it is dealt with , there will always be a need to equip your own child with dealing with it strategies,there will always be a need to be rational about this. Are you going to move him at every little hiccup over the next 13+ years? Are you always going to listen to everyone else ?

I wouldn’t be moving him, I’d be demanding that school A sort the bullying. If it’s continuing, then they haven’t done enough. You shouldn’t have to move your child to accommodate their inability to effectively manage what is a very common issue.

You won’t be able to use the funding for the second place, as first nursery would of been paid for the full term. So you’d need to pay but if you can afford it I’d move him.

I wouldn't move him for one term tbh but maybe break it up if you have some leave you can take from work. There could be O's or worse in school C!

Does he go to nursery every day?
Also depending on where you live it is only 7 and a bit weeks assuming you can't move him until after half term.
I am not sure I would go through a move where he might find it hard to settle (this term in school nursery is the hardest as some will have been there since turning 3 and will be ready to move up to reception, while others who have only just turned 3 and never been to nursery will have just been given free places this term and find it hard to settle if they have never had childcare before. It is also the fullest school nurseries generally are which also means supply staff are also sometimes added in to keep up ratios but may be less familiar with the setting and how it all works).

Also I hate to say it but there are a lot of O's in schools. As someone else pointed out, it might be how the school deals with these children that makes a difference, but with so many funding cuts there is often not the resources e.g. staff to be watching 1:1 unless they have an EHCP. It is quite possible that things will get better for O as they move into school and maybe they do have needs that nursery are noting and trying to get provision in place for. It could be that your child starting school B with no nursery may be a school taking on children who haven't been to nursery before or have been to other settings who may not have been so keen to start any process in diagnosing children with additional needs as it had no long term impact for them in terms of moving into the school.

Personally I’d pull him out now if it is that bad and causing your child distress. Roughly 12 weeks is a VERY long time to a toddler.

yes weigh it up against disruption and starting Reception etc, but that age can be very social and resilient to making new friends.

There may be space, but are you sure school C will actually let him join for such a short amount of time? Especially as he's not attending the school for reception.