To move DS for the last term of school nursery?

[Persimo]

Details altered to avoid outing.

So DS will be off to reception in September. He used to go to day nursery, where he was popular and well liked, but the day nursery only take children up to 3 years old, so we then sent DS to the school nursery at our preferred primary, school A.

DS liked nursery at school A, except that there is a boy there (let's call him O) who consistently verbally and physically bullies other children, unprovoked. There are several children who O treats like this, and so my DH and I, and several other sets of parents, have gone into school to ask them to stop the bullying. School A claim to have tried to deal with the bullying, but it hasn't stopped.

The problem is, whilst my DS doesn't make a fuss about going into nursery, he unsurprisingly hates being around O. Since being picked on by O, DS's behaviour has really deteriorated. DS now cries at the drop of a hat, and seems to assume the worst of everyone now (i.e: if a child knocks over his block tower, he will now get angry and assume they did it on purpose, whereas in the past it wouldn't have phased him). DS has gone from being very gentle and sweet to being rough and aggressive with other children, he's like a completely different child.

In light of school A's inability to deal with O, DS won't be going there for Reception, he will be going to school B (other parents say it is a very happy school, great ofsted, great sats) instead. However school B doesn't have a nursery. I don't really want DS spending the last 3 months of term being picked on by O but I need the childcare, as I work full time.

There is one other nursery for DS's age group locally, again attached to a primary school (school C). School C has spaces in their nursery, but definitely wouldn't have a space for DS in reception as they are very oversubscribed.

My options are:

1. Leave DS at school A for the rest of the academic year, and then he moves to school B for reception
2. Move DS from school A to the nursery at school C for the last term, then he moves to school B for Reception

I am really torn and would greatly appreciate some advice.

YABU- leave DS where he is until the end of the school year
YANBU- move him, moving nursery and then to a new reception is fine

Move him

Mean kids yes but not dc that are being assessed for a personality disorder

I doubt a 3 year old is being assessed for or has a personality disorder. More likely they have a difficult home environment or they’re neurodiverse and can’t cope in the nursery environment. Either way there are lots of kids with behavioural issues everywhere.

I get why you want to move him, but I wouldn't. There are no guarantees that there won't be an O at his new nursery, plus he'll be about settled in when they finish.

Does o have a younger sibling as kids can become agressive to other kids out of sibling jealousy
All the kids i know with behaviour issipues in nursery and reception have gone on to get sen diagnoses later.

Ideally think kid needs 1-2-1 support to watch him and intervene.
We had issues at reception but school thought instead of them having to watch the kids at breaks a parent can somehow stop a kids behaviour by just telling them off. Maybe for some kids but 100% that did not work on dc1. Go to her room, took things away. At some points loads of toys etc. It didnt help nor behaviour plans because 1 for her she wasnt intending on doing these thingx it was impulse. A reaction often to other kids behaviour or words.
Absolutely no effort was made by our school to supervise adequately.

We had so many chats like once you are 10 you are legally responsible etc it would be assault. Noone will like you. .. Etc

I guess there are a lot of behaviour problems nowadays and many parents dont tell them off so the assumption its the parents.
Anyway she is audhd and does actually have very low empathy.

@Tgfrislip for me it's 100% on the school for not sorting it out. Nobody would mind what O was like if school had given him a 1 to 1 to stop him hurting the other children.

I have worked specifically with a wide variety of SEN people, and my DS has quite a few SEN friends as I would like him to learn to appreciate all the different types of people.

O is very, very neurotypical except really cold, if that's the right way of describing it. He is significantly more socially skilled than the other children (i.e: those special games of his where he generates creative reasons within the game to allow him to hurt other children), zero stims, no problems with change of routine, comes cross as quite flat/emotionless and serious. The only time he's been known to smile is when he is doing something unkind to another child. O appears to have no problem with impulse control (if another child annoys him he will find a way to get that child alone and hurt them, even if that is days later, and holds very strong grudges).

I have met, and am fond of, many many SEN people through work. Something feels off about this 4 year old, and not in an autism or adhd sort of way. I have never met a child quite like this before

You seem to know an awful lot about this child. Just do what you think is best for your DC. Either way it’s a short time period so hopefully your DC will be settled in school anyway.

@Stegochops quite a few of the parents have become concerned about the school not managing this child. Between seeing this child at birthday parties, what DS has told me, and what other parents have seen, this isn't seeming like garden variety SEN.

I think I will move DS. Hopefully things get sorted out with O, but at the end of the day that is for school and his parents to organise, and is none of my business. My responsibility is to my DS, and I don't want him growing up thinking that being knocked about is normal.

I went through the same situation last year with my son.
I didnt class it as bullying- the other child is neurodiverse and at that age it is really difficult to simply tell a ND child not to do something. They simply don’t understand and potentially have a lot of sensory issues going on. So I’m sure the school are trying but it is hard to deal with.
I did move my son to another school in reception and it was very hard for him. He was very anxious about the move and he definitely found it harder than the children who didn’t come from another school nursery. I think it was a bigger change for him. The new school is lovely but I do wonder if it was worth all that stress to be honest. Based on this, I wouldn’t even consider moving him for the last term as I think there will be enough changes with starting at a different school. Instead I would ask the school about a 1-1 support for the other child and ensuring they are not left unattended with my child for the remaining half term.

So I asked DS if he wanted to move Nursery, and he said yes, so I moved him. He's been there 2 weeks so far and absolutely loves it. I am so relieved, I have my happy little boy back. He went in confidently, no tears, has made friends, and the teacher says it is like he's always been there. Thank you so much to everyone who said to move him.

Great update.

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Wonderful news, thanks for the update @Persimo. I hope all continues to go well for him.

Ngl alderbrook primary school is sexist