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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not expect this overwhelming grief

69 replies

Charltonstrek · 01/05/2025 00:13

My elderly dog 19 years old became very unwell 2 days ago was vomiting and retching nothing coming up appeared very weak lethargic breathing funny I took him to the vets and was told he was in a very bad way and his gums where very pale. Vet said she was concerned that we was going to lose him she mentioned various blood tests xrays etc but then said it may not be worth putting him through it and putting to sleep may be kinder I went along with putting him to sleep but now the sadness and guilt is really consuming me it keeps hitting me like a ton of bricks and the tears start I've never had such feelings of sadness and wish I could hug my dog once more and tell him how much I really loved him he was in my life for 16 years and I feel empty I wasn't expecting it to hit this badly how do I get over it and can anybody relate sorry I've posted here for traffic and I'm so upset that he's gone and ill never see him again.

OP posts:
MeanLeanRunnerbean · 01/05/2025 00:15

I'm so sorry for your loss. He was a member of your family and you clearly lived him very much, the grief is the hardest part about love

Shelby2010 · 01/05/2025 00:18

You shouldn’t feel guilty, he had a very long life and you took the selfless way of letting him go without suffering. Of course you miss him, but you will come to remember the happiness he brought you rather than the sadness at losing him. 💐

YeOldeGreyhound · 01/05/2025 00:20

Oh love, this is so sad Flowers
He was your best boy. 19 is amazing for any dog. And you had 16 blessed years with him, full of fun, love and nice memories. It is said it is best to say goodbye a week too early rather than a day too late.

If you need to, you can get in touch with the Blue Cross. They have a phoneline you can call and you can cry and tell them about your dog if it helps. www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-loss-support

IWillAlwaysBeinaClubWithYouin1973 · 01/05/2025 00:20

he had 16 wonderful years with you, so few dogs get that much. Maybe discuss it with the vet again? When an animal dies like that it's as if an innocent has died, they are little innocent souls, and you were the carer so it's bound to hit you very hard. When my first dog died 10 years ago I hadn't known the grief would be so bad, we now have a 9 year old dog and I keep looking at him and thinking OMG I have to go through that again.

Did you get his ashes back and/or can you plant a tree for him?

murasaki · 01/05/2025 00:21

Grief is the price we pay for love.

And you gave him the kindest gift you could, to stop him suffering. You showed him how much you loved him. He was part of your family for so long, it's a massive loss. Take care.

IWillAlwaysBeinaClubWithYouin1973 · 01/05/2025 00:22

@YeOldeGreyhound I used the Bluecross helpline and then did a fundraising event for them in honour of my dog - I found that helped a bit.

Charltonstrek · 01/05/2025 00:25

Thank you for the kind replies one minute I'm okay then suddenly overwhelming sadness where I want him back.
I'm having him cremated then his ashes back in a urn I've chosen but God the pain is bad at times.

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YeOldeGreyhound · 01/05/2025 00:27

Charltonstrek · 01/05/2025 00:25

Thank you for the kind replies one minute I'm okay then suddenly overwhelming sadness where I want him back.
I'm having him cremated then his ashes back in a urn I've chosen but God the pain is bad at times.

Getting his ashes back will help. It will feel like he is back home with you x

Would it help for you to talk about him here? Share a pic?

QuickPeachPoet · 01/05/2025 00:29

Goodness what a ripe old age! What breed was your lovely boy?

You have him the most wonderful life for 16 happy years, and ultimately made the kindest choice for him rather than let him suffer. You let him have a dignified death as he deserved woth you with him rather than die in agony. He will be wagging his from the other side of the rainbow bridge and saying ‘I’ll be waiting for you’.
Please be kind to yourself OP.

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 01/05/2025 00:30

Its ok to grieve, he was an important member of your family and its such a shock when they go downhill so quickly. You did the right thing by not prolonging his discomfort for your own benefit.

He was clearly very unwell, and we’re lucky to have the option to save our pets the pain and suffering. Of course you miss him but please don’t feel guilty at all. I had to make a similar call lately for two of my pets. It’s heartbreaking but we do our best for them. He was loved and looked after right until the end, when he received the ultimate kindness when you allowed him peace. Sending hugs.

KimberleyClark · 01/05/2025 00:30

I’m so sorry for your loss xx

Charltonstrek · 01/05/2025 00:31

QuickPeachPoet · 01/05/2025 00:29

Goodness what a ripe old age! What breed was your lovely boy?

You have him the most wonderful life for 16 happy years, and ultimately made the kindest choice for him rather than let him suffer. You let him have a dignified death as he deserved woth you with him rather than die in agony. He will be wagging his from the other side of the rainbow bridge and saying ‘I’ll be waiting for you’.
Please be kind to yourself OP.

He was a cross breed and had the most wonderful temperment never showed a ounce of aggression loved me was attached to me.

OP posts:
Charltonstrek · 01/05/2025 00:33

He had become incontinent and suffered with arthritis was on medication for it but he kept going and going.

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Gogo509 · 01/05/2025 00:35

So sorry for your loss x

Littledidsheknow · 01/05/2025 00:36

Oh I’m so sorry to hear this. I hope in time the pain will lessen and thoughts of your dog will instead bring joy when you remember all the happy times you had together. 💐

And, not going to lie, this post has made me blub. My own beautiful boy has cancer and will probably only be around for another month or two. Dogs are amazing, but they break your heart.

YeOldeGreyhound · 01/05/2025 00:38

Littledidsheknow · 01/05/2025 00:36

Oh I’m so sorry to hear this. I hope in time the pain will lessen and thoughts of your dog will instead bring joy when you remember all the happy times you had together. 💐

And, not going to lie, this post has made me blub. My own beautiful boy has cancer and will probably only be around for another month or two. Dogs are amazing, but they break your heart.

Sorry to hear about your boy x

My old girl is nearing the end of her time as a dog. We are off on our last holiday in a couple of weeks. She loves the beach.

Charltonstrek · 01/05/2025 00:39

Littledidsheknow · 01/05/2025 00:36

Oh I’m so sorry to hear this. I hope in time the pain will lessen and thoughts of your dog will instead bring joy when you remember all the happy times you had together. 💐

And, not going to lie, this post has made me blub. My own beautiful boy has cancer and will probably only be around for another month or two. Dogs are amazing, but they break your heart.

I'm sorry give him lots of love which I'm sure you shall I wish I could hug my dog once more.
I spent time with him saying how great he had been and I was happy to have had him in our lives so long.

OP posts:
Charltonstrek · 01/05/2025 00:42

Now I'm lying here crying it's unbearable

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YeOldeGreyhound · 01/05/2025 00:43

Charltonstrek · 01/05/2025 00:42

Now I'm lying here crying it's unbearable

It is ok. It is still very new and raw.

Lucyintheskywithadiamond · 01/05/2025 00:45

It’s so sad. I am currently wide awake as our dog is dying, I think we have only a couple of days left. She is 5. I cannot stop crying and I am lost, I don’t know what I will do without her. Sending lots of hugs

Charltonstrek · 01/05/2025 00:46

Lucyintheskywithadiamond · 01/05/2025 00:45

It’s so sad. I am currently wide awake as our dog is dying, I think we have only a couple of days left. She is 5. I cannot stop crying and I am lost, I don’t know what I will do without her. Sending lots of hugs

I'm so sorry you can message me anytime

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YeOldeGreyhound · 01/05/2025 00:47

Lucyintheskywithadiamond · 01/05/2025 00:45

It’s so sad. I am currently wide awake as our dog is dying, I think we have only a couple of days left. She is 5. I cannot stop crying and I am lost, I don’t know what I will do without her. Sending lots of hugs

Oh no, what is happening with her? Has she seen a vet?

FatLarrysBanned · 01/05/2025 00:47

So sorry for your loss. It does get better and time is a great healer. I lost my 16 yo boy 9 years ago. I never thought there would come a time when I would think of him and not cry. Now I think of him and smile. Your time will come also, but not yet. The more we love the harder we grieve. Let the tears come, it's very early days. He sounds amazing, how lucky you both were to have each other. 💐

Charltonstrek · 01/05/2025 00:48

I'm dealing with this grief and worried about my 23 year old son who is looking very depressed but bottling it up he was away when our boy became ill and always said he would want to be around.

OP posts:
Lucyintheskywithadiamond · 01/05/2025 00:49

YeOldeGreyhound · 01/05/2025 00:47

Oh no, what is happening with her? Has she seen a vet?

Yes, we have been to the vets. We are having a few days to say goodbyes. As soon as she is ready, we will be putting her to sleep.