To not expect this overwhelming grief

[Charltonstrek]

My elderly dog 19 years old became very unwell 2 days ago was vomiting and retching nothing coming up appeared very weak lethargic breathing funny I took him to the vets and was told he was in a very bad way and his gums where very pale. Vet said she was concerned that we was going to lose him she mentioned various blood tests xrays etc but then said it may not be worth putting him through it and putting to sleep may be kinder I went along with putting him to sleep but now the sadness and guilt is really consuming me it keeps hitting me like a ton of bricks and the tears start I've never had such feelings of sadness and wish I could hug my dog once more and tell him how much I really loved him he was in my life for 16 years and I feel empty I wasn't expecting it to hit this badly how do I get over it and can anybody relate sorry I've posted here for traffic and I'm so upset that he's gone and ill never see him again.

Sending you love OP. ❤️

Aw, I hope you have a lovely few days with her x

Sounds silly but I am deleting all dog related stuff from FB, Amazon basket etc as I know it will be heartbreaking after she has gone.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My Vet said it was the final act of love we could do for our beloved pet. And it's true, and comforted me and still does.
Hope this helps.

I'm trying but god I feel awful can't believe he's gone. I hope he's in a good place.

Sorry for your loss, it does feel like overwhelming grief at the beginning but in time you will remember the happy memories. I lost my 14 year old boy a few months ago and it was like no pain I had ever felt before! But you will feel better soon! Hugs to you.

Thank you

I had my best boy PTS in 2003 and still my heart is broken and still I cry

And I have had other dogs and cats over the years who I have also lost

But he was my best boy

He was in heart failure for years, managed with meds, then he went downhill very fast. Took him in, vet said his heart murmur had never been investigated ( picked up at 6 months ) so to bring him in so they could take a look. I got the call that afternoon - no hope, tumour, will I let him slip away?. I rushed home to collect him, the vet very kindly drained the fluid that was suffocating him, so we could have out last 24hrs. He was like a pup that night

Following morning, he was back struggling

He was put to sleep in my arms, at home, being fed malteezers

And the tears are flowing just typing that

Other dogs have some and gone, last lad, we went through him going blind and getting Alzheimers and when his time came I was OK - sad, but accepting and knowing it was for the best, his time had come and to keep him going was cruel

The lad we have now is beginning to heal my heart. A completely different breed , a dog I wasnt looking for but he was looking a home , which he found with us, and he's found that space I had in my heart

That might all sound so trite, but I truly never felt so much love for an animal in my life before I found my best boy, and I never ever thought Id feel it again, but this wee lad has shown me , it can happen

Taken 20 years

Accept that the grief is real and grief doesn't have a time span. There will come another best boy eventually ( hopefully ) to help mend that heartbreak but there will also always be that bit missing.

Im so sorry for your loss xxxx

I'm sorry about your boy and yes the love you feel for them is so deep and when they've gone the sense of loss like somethings gone from your life is overwhelming I will never ever forget him.

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the level of devastation there will be in our household when our beloved dog passes x

I've had to make that decision for four cats. It's broken my heart every time and the guilt is overwhelming in the early days. But each time it has been the kindest thing I could do for them - to let them go. Anything else would have been for me, not them.

I'm so sorry about your dog. It will get better over time. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve.

It is difficult as a lot of people don’t understand your grief when a pet dies. I remember when my first dog died over 20 odd years ago, I went to work the following day and my boss just said “oh dear, I am not a dog person” and carried on talking about work. I hated her after that.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I completely understand about the grief you feel when your dog dies. I’ve lost two.

You absolutely did the right thing putting him to sleep. It’s the last act of kindness we can give to our pets.

You will never forget him. He will live on in your heart. Time is a great healer, it will get easier for you.

I’m so sorry
I know exactly how you feel having lost my beautiful girl 16 months ago.
she was under the weather on the Sunday having vomited but seemed ok,
I had an appointment the next morning anyway for her for an injection so wasn’t overly concerned.
Monday morning she was so poorly I rushed her in,to cut a long story short pancreatitis which caused her to have a cardiac arrest at the overnight vet. She died without me with her.
please be kind to yourself as you did what was right for your lovely dog.Even if you feel it wasn’t as it really was.
i blame myself for not realising my girl was seriously unwell as had I known I’d have taken her on the Sunday.
we love them so much which is why it hurts so much when we lose them.
i had the phone call to ask did i want her resuscitated to which i said no as she was so so unwell and in so much pain and old but with hindsight i should have let her go in the morning as she had lots of tests and scans and still died.
wow that was longer than I thought it would be!

I am not what you would call a dog person. But my best friend had a refuge dog - 7 when she got him, she lived to be 18 (the dog !) This year she slowly got more consumed by tumor in her liver, started to get prone to convulsions and confusion. Medication didn't help. It was horrible to watch. She was living for love of her human. (By way she adored me and it was reciprocal) so she was reassured when I was there. In the end it was unbearable and I begged my friend to let her go. I read a quote saying "better a day early than a day late". My friend was absolutely distraught. But when she was PTS, on her blankie with her best loved people around her, and the bloody silicone spider - by then legless - I bought her 8 years ago....she was in peace. It was such a relief. You did the right thing OP. Bless you. And all responsible people that care for their animals. It is absolutely the worst grief 💐

Ruby's 18th birthday party in December 2024 🌠🌈❤️

I’m sure many of the readers of this are in tears OP. I lost my girl 3 years ago and it’s still hard. I think it’s maybe because they don’t live very long (relatively to humans) that they feel like children to us and we have to make the tough decision.

I’m sorry for your loss, he was a grand age and you did the right thing. X

My heart breaks for you, OP.

My two loves would have been 19 this year, but I lost them six months apart at the height of lockdown/2020.

I can't take away your pain, but maybe I can make you feel a little less alone.

My one dog had been very ill most of his life. Ironically, he lived longer/was the older one. My younger dog unexpectedly died at age 13. Like yours, they noticed the pale gums. There had been something "off" with him for two weeks and we couldn't figure it out. Long story short, a trip to the ER determined that there was bleeding in his chest due to a tumor and that the risk of interference was far too high and the right thing to do was to put him to sleep then and there. The guilt that I felt afterward was crippling. It was somehow easier to know when the time had come for my other little guy as he had so many health issues for so long.

Here is what I can tell you. I cried for six months for each of them. I still cry at times, and it has been almost five years, but more often I now smile. I know that they were loved, and that grief is love. I know they felt that love and I believe that they are still here with me. Now I can smile looking back on those memories because each one is a gift, just like they were.

I won't sit here and tell you that 19 years is an amazing amount of time (it is, though) because no amount of time is ever enough. That was your baby.

In the end, you have to give yourself the grace of knowing that letting go was your final act of love. You wouldn't have wanted your sweet little dog to suffer. And when a dr says it's time, they usually mean it, because they love animals AND know when they can be helped and when they cannot.

Take all the time you need. It's different for everyone.

For what it's worth, I dared to open my heart again, and have been blessed with two more sweet dogs. I never thought I'd love like this again, but oh, I do! AND....I know that each of my dogs sent these two to me. I really feel their spirit in them.

Your little dog will always be with you. Just in a different way now.

Hugs. I now all too well how deep this pain is. I also know how lonely it can be when others don't understand or show up for you in this moment.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. The death of a much loved dog who has been in your life for so long is a very hard thing. I'm so sorry. My fellow is 15 and slowing down. I dread it.

I heard a vet on the radio years ago - an english guy who had written a book about caring for dogs. Someone called in who was agonised about whether the time was right for her dog to be pts. He said that dogs have no existential fear of death but do feel pain. So in general he thought the kindest most loving thing to do was to make the decision sooner rather than later. Well done for being so loving to your dog.

thinking of you OP.

Who the hell voted YABU?!

OP, I am so sorry for your loss. It’s so so hard with animals because they are so innocent and don’t know what’s going on. I think that’s what makes these things hard.

One day at a time, you won’t feel this terrible forever. You’ll always remember your lovely dog. They are so special. ❤️

RIP to your lovely dog - sending you love xxx

I think people forget how hard it is to lose a pet you have grown up with. They are family. My son was 21 when we had to let go of our 17 year old cat due to a stroke. He loved that cat, he couldn’t remember not having him in his life, it did hit him really hard.

You loved your dog and I am sure you gave him a wonderful life and you did the best thing at the end, not putting the poor love through tests which would have been traumatic for such an old dog.

Thank you all it really helps

I’m so sorry for your loss @Charltonstrek i hope you managed to get some sleep. One of the hardest parts is feeling like no one understands, or other people thinking you’re overreacting because it’s ’just a pet’. Hopefully the thread has shown you that people get you and it’s a grief as deep as any other. We love our pets and losing them is devastating. Sending you love.

How are you getting on today? x