What to expect 10 year olds to do round the house...

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A friend said her kids do all the laundry... start to finish. I tried this with my kids it lasted one wash and I nagged the hell out of them. Back to me doing laundry.
What reasonable house tasks can I get them to take ownership of?

My kids have both done their own laundry since they were 11. They also change their own beds and take turns cleaning the table after dinner. At no point do I ever pick up anything after them.

My older one who's 14 is paid to be our cleaner - he does three hours of cleaning each week. The 12 year old just cleans the kitchen and gets paid for that.

I don't want to pay them for housework (not yet anyway) - I want them to just own a task! They are totally useless and it's my fault completely....

If I didn't pick up after them I would be drowning in tubs of slime and vampire books.

Unfortunately you have to be relentless with it and be on them a lot. It is draining and it's tempting at times to let them get away with it but it is worth it in the long run. I joke with my DS that I charge £7.50 to pick towels up off his floor and I make out that I'm trying to make a buck. If push came to shove I would punish him with something like losing his VR set for a while, but keeping it lighthearted gets the point across.

You could try rewards and start really small - e.g. tidy the table and we'll have cake.

I expect my 10yo to:

• Put away her own clean laundry
• Make her bed, strip it and put it back together on sheet washing days
• Generally pick up after herself

Other than that, she doesn’t have set chores. But I also don’t suffer fools when it comes to the basics I do ask of her.
Bed isn’t stripped? Sheets don’t get washed.
Laundry isn’t put away? I’m not doing further laundry until I get the empty basket back.
Not picking up after herself? I’ll go round picking up items that aren’t put away and they go in what we lovingly call “The Fuck It Bucket” 🫠😂
If it’s still in the Fuck It Bucket after 2 weeks and hasn’t been put away, I’ll assume it’s an unwanted item and either throw it away or donate it, depending on what it is.

No tips in all honesty mine both did naff all, if nagged they would occasionally make a bad job of say hoovering or emptying half the dishwasher or similar but occasionally taking the recycling out, walking the dog or emptying half the dishwasher or making a half baked attempt to hoover was about as good as it got.

This is exactly where I am! They will do the dishwasher if I nag them... then they will haggle for a quid which they can't really be arsed to get anyway.

I think I have ruined them. They have no interest in screens which is a win - except I can't use that as a bribe or a threat!

They have no interest in pocket money... they get enough from grandparents at birthdays to cover their book / slime / stationary habits!

I need a fuck it bucket.

Oh god I just can’t face adding another thing to the list I have to nag them about.

I’ve tried ‘sock pairing Tuesday’. Was a hit the first week then never happened again and I’ve given up nagging.

I tried putting you own laundry again and even being your dirty washing to the machine. Wasn’t worth the effort.

I tried when the kids got seperate rooms Friday then needed to spend 10 mins tidying, hoovering and dusting their rooms to get pocket money on Saturday. Again was a massive excitement the first week then constant nagging met with ‘it’s ok mum I don’t mind skipping pocket money this week. Maybe I’ll try next week’.

I got them to cook dinner (frozen leftovers, pasta and veg). They loved it the first week then never again.

10 year olds desk is piled high and I don’t have the energy to nag her about it

im heading towards totally incapable teenages for sure.

Maybe I need a bucket too

You gave up after one go!

Of course they’re totally useless if you just do it for them!

my kids did nothing.. and completely my own fault as i a OCD. doesn't bother me and they seem to be coping pretty well in adulthood without my insistence on them doing chores at 10. i prefered them being children for as long as possible.

I don’t think I did much at aged 10 … maybe polishing furniture with Mr Sheen on a Saturday if I were bored!
I think they shouldn’t have a floordrobe and to lay the table, but I’d never expect children to do laundry!! Maybe help change their sheets ( with me) or put socks into pairs.

Mine at 10 did own laundry (not ironing) and put it away. Tidied rooms and changed own beds. Things left out, one warning then bin. They regularly volunteer to set the table and clear away too and to be honest I’m good with this level and can’t see me wanting them to do more. Sometimes I’d like them to do it better (put clothes away rather than on the back of a chair which sometimes happens) but generally they do a good enough job.
Slime is banned in our house after a jewellery box incident 😂

Mine are expected to empty/fill the dishwasher, help hanging up/folding laundry, put away their clean laundry, strip and make their own beds.
They always resist and complain/moan. Tough 🤷🏼‍♀️

Made their beds, kept room tidy, empty dishwasher, things like that. My son did his own ironing from 13 on, plus much of his cooking.

You need a schedule, so that on those days they know they have to do it and some things are daily which they already do like brushing their teeth. You need to add to their list as they get older so it doesn't suddenly become a massive list of things they need to do as a functioning adult. You are raising them to become functioning adults. We had a laminated tick list so they ticked off and we reminded them to check the list.

You don't pick up after them because all it teaches them is that you will do it. Do not pay for chores because when they are adults no one is paying them.

In primary mine would have pulled their duvet back to allow the bed to air and on a set day stripped their bed and put it into the washing machine. This does not take long and was done before school. They can try to put it all back on as much as possible and for those declaring this is too hard they do this on residential school trips, make their beds up.

The rule we had for meal times was everyone clears the table, puts things into the dishwasher with guidance on where things go. Everyone stays in the kitchen until everything is clean and put away, a team effort so they understood what goes into making a meal from planning, to shopping, making it and clearing up afterwards. The children can wipe and dry the table. Good cross body movements. We would put music on to help pass the time.

Their rooms were tidied daily but their rooms were for sleeping in as they had a playroom and some things were left out for days on end like Scalextric track.

All things like bags, coats, shoes were all put away. If they weren't I would wait until they were engrossed in playing and then tell them they had to come back to do it.

Sock pairing, putting their laundry away under supervision until you can trust them, wiping out a bathroom sink, loading their things into the dishwasher and unloading a dishwasher are things they are more than capable of doing. Unpacking shopping and putting some of it away too.

I should add mine are young adults now, their rooms are tidy, even at uni, they cook from scratch, clean, shop and I raised them to think of others.

I think it’s easier to get them to take ownership of small regular jobs. I have 10 yo twins one cleans the table after every meal, the other sweeps the kitchen floor. Older DC loads / unloads dishwasher unless he cooks in which case I do.

My 10 year old has to tidy and hoover her room weekly before she gets her pocket money (same as her older siblings). She doesn't do a perfect job, but she is getting better. I'll do a proper overhaul of her room once or twice a year to retrieve all the crap that's disappeared under and behind the bed etc.

Other than that they take it in turns to clear and wipe the table after dinner, set the table and sweep the kitchen floor. My older ones put their clean laundry away, but the youngest isn't quite tall enough.

Mine are younger than that but I think at that age I only set the table (and was expected to keep my room tidy but not sure I did that very consistently!). I might have helped with the dishwasher but certainly didn’t own it as a task - that concept came later around age 13 or so. And no money linked to it, it was just about being a civilised human and family member.

I think 10 is too young. I did chores like dusting when I was younger and the odd clothes wash, but not until I was about 12/13. I did not get paid for it - it was seen as part of being a family and looking after our home together.

What I was expected to do at 10 (and before), however, was tidy my own room, put my clothes in the wash basket and away once washed. I think that is sufficient for a child.

OP I know you're looking for advice which is a good sign but you really need to turn things around ASAP before they become useless and lazy teens/adults. I appreciate 10 is still a child but good habits need to be formed. It's really unfair to set people up that way in life and makes independent living 1000x more difficult when the time comes.

My 10yo and 7yo makes their beds, keep rooms tidy, and tidy up after themselves as standard. Will set the table. Will strip beds. 10yo puts clothes away when asked. They empty the dishwasher at the weekend. They will dust if asked and made to, and likewise vacuum, badly. 7yo needs more assistance. They don't do all these things all the time. They're just in training imo!

My parents didn't get us to do anything and it took me literal years of my adult life to learn what I should have been taught as a child/teen.

Because of that I made sure my kids know how to do all household tasks, now I can ask them to do the dishwasher, clean the kitchen, clean the bathroom, put a wash on (and they know how to separate colours and which things can't go in the dryer) sweep, hoover, mop, clean the bathroom etc.

You have to sit/stand and watch them several times and talk them through every little step until they can reliably do it themselves. They might not like it but it's tough, they will be running their own houses one day and believe me it's much easier to learn over a few years as a teen/kid when the full responsibility isn't yours.

They should be responsible for -
Their own school lunches.
Emptying their schoolbags regularly and disposing of worksheets or work they've brought home.
Keeping track of when they need PE gear, art supplies, etc. for school and getting that ready the night before.

Making their own beds daily.
Stripping their beds once a week, putting on a bedding plus clothing wash, putting wash out to dry, remaking their beds, putting clothing away or in airing cupboard along with bedding.
Keeping their rooms tidy and clean - all hoovering and polishing and window cleaning.

Helping with meal prep twice a week. They should be learning to prepare a whole meal - maybe Saturday lunch to start with.
Loading or unloading dishwasher.
Bringing their own plates, glasses, mugs, to the kitchen after all meals or snacks or drinks, scraping or emptying, and leaving them wherever you prefer to have them left.

You for your part will need to sit them down and make sure they understand your expectations, including performing the chores and doing them without whining. Make a chore chart and a reminder notice about whining.

Take them to task about whining and do not let things slide. Your management skills are essential here, and you need to be on the ball constantly.

Yes, that means work, but it's essential you do this work. You will be teaching your DCs essential life skills, developing their confidence and self esteem enormously, showing them they are accountable to you (supremely important as the teen years approach), and demonstrating management skills to them too.

You will be training them to transition smoothly into the next phase of their lives, where responsibility and accountability must accompany a certain amount of increased trust and freedom.