What to expect 10 year olds to do round the house...

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A friend said her kids do all the laundry... start to finish. I tried this with my kids it lasted one wash and I nagged the hell out of them. Back to me doing laundry.
What reasonable house tasks can I get them to take ownership of?

It's pretty much what I was doing at that age - it really isn't all that much work.

My 10 year old puts their laundry away, can put the washing machine on, empties the dishwasher and puts dishes away, tidies their room, strips and helps make their bed, general tidying up. Usually it’s done without a fuss and if there is a fuss then no Xbox etc until what I’ve asked has been done.

Mine did the dishwasher and fed the cats morning and night, now he's almost an adult he does F ALL!!!

My 9 year old is responsible for all aspects of keeping her room clean and tidy, putting her dirty laundry in the hamper and clean stuff away, dusting hoovering tidying and emptying her bin. I do change the bedsheets because her bed is an awkward one to change and she is quite petite for her age. She also dries up, preps dinner for our dogs and gets them fresh water, and helps with putting away the groceries. All our children help out and do whatever is asked of them as we started them from a very early age and have raised them to know that we are a team. We all live here and all help out. They don’t see it as chores. It’s so important that cleaning, tidying, cooking etc become normal so they become capable young adults.

DD has been responsible for sweeping the floors every day since she was 8 or 9. At some point, though I can't remember what age) she became responsible for emptying the dishwasher. She does the dishes several times a week but that wasn't until she was 12 I think, she was too short before that!

I can't remember where this list came from, but I saved it for the sheer comedy value of anyone thinking 10 year olds were capable of wilderness survival, amongst a host of other batshittery!

I've seen that list a few times, always cracks me up!

7 year old DS seems to have cracked 'knows basics of faith' as he prayed to Jesus that his sister would lose her volleyball match quickly so they could go home
Nevermind the fact that we're not religious at all!

My 10 year old sets the table for dinner, usually makes his own lunch 1 or 2 times at the weekend, feeds the cats in the morning, puts away his laundry (some nagging required). Have just started with them doing 1 load of own laundry from start to finish.

Interesting set of responses here.

Idk about 10 year olds, but my 4 and 6 year old are responsible for:

Sorting and putting out the recycling every week with supervision (they weirdly love this job).

Putting their plates/bowls into the dishwasher after use.

Getting their own water / drink during the day.

Picking up laundry in their bathroom every Saturday morning ready for me to load the dishwasher.

Helping put their laundry away as I do it.

Weekly room tidy up so I can hoover.

Frankly I don't want to raise men who weaponise incompetence as a result of being mummied. Kids can definitely take on responsibility and we'll be adding to the list as they get older. Each job takes 10 mins max and teaches essential life skills.

Why would a 10 year old not be able to pack a lunch? It takes very little time and is very good for their independence.

Absolutely nothing, their children not staff. Their time will come when they're older, let them be children for goodness sake!

Mine are supposed to lay the table, clear their plates from the table afterwards, unload the dishwasher and keep their rooms reasonably tidy /tidy up their toys and clothes. And put away their own clean laundry (I put it in their rooms).

In reality it's a battle to get them to do anything. They are 9 and 12.

I think for that age, things like putting away their own laundry, setting the table, tidying their room, making sure things they want washing are in the laundry basket, feeding pets, etc. Basically things that take less than 30 minutes per day. I don't want my child to feel burnt out because she comes home from school and has a ton of chores to do. I want her to experience being a child. You have your whole adult life to come home from work, do chores, cook, and then only be left with an hour tops to relax. I think oddly small children are different, as a 4 year old might find it fun to follow you around with a duster or watering plants in the garden!

I wouldn't personally expect a 10 year old to help with cooking meals multiple times a week. I think they need time to be children as well.

I actually think a lot of it depends on the personality of the child. My mum never made me and my brother do anything. My brother is now really tidy. Naturally I'm very messy, and it's a conscious effort for me to keep on top of. I don't think anything my mum would have done would have made a difference. But I love cooking, whereas my brother hates it lol. Then my friend who had a lot more chores than me, is about average in terms of tidiness 🤷

My son is 9 and he does a lot to help.. but i do have to remind him constantly. I think at that age you do.
He does a good job though.
He doesn't put the washing on but he does move washing from the washer upstairs to the drier and then moves it from the drier and sorts it into piles of what belongs to who.
He also hoovers the stairs, cleans and tidies the toddlers play pen, cleans the table, puts his clean laundry away, changes his bed.
However he does none of this unprompted. I do have to say "can you please do this now"

Mine never did anything at that age. They are now adults and fairly tidy and clean.

No.
We both work full time and there are 3 children. If they didn't all help around the house within the limits of how old they are, then things would fall apart
We are all members of the household so we all contribute.
And it's very good for kids to learn how to do this things so they just become second nature. Keeping your environment tidy and clean is as important as personal hygiene.
You wouldn't say "oh it doesn't matter just let them be kids" about showering.. why do it about keeping their house clean and tidy? These are very important skills to keep themselves safe and healthy

Sounds harsh but they don’t need to love it. They need you to stick to your parenting boundaries and make them help. No kid wants to but every kid needs to learn responsibility and that being part of a family is team work and we all have a role.

@JustTalkToThem and @Thunderpants88 i def didn’t give up on boundaries and quit after 1 go. As I said I nagged and nagged and bribed and withheld pocket money.

At the end of the day I’ve decided my kids are busy enough then I’m going to let them be kids and not have massive expectations that they should contribute to running a house. As adults we’re living too 80+ so why not give the kids 15 years of being free of some chores. They still do some stuff and they do their homework and reading. Have minimal screen time and maybe TV 3 times a week tops. I’m just going to let them be kids. I don’t remember doing anything as 10 year old and I’ve grown up as a perfectly capable adult so I have absolutely no doubt my kids will get there too but they don’t need the additional burden right now.

I went in a gap year at 18 having probably never cooked a meal or done laundry regularly and I managed fine…. Never looked back and never lived at home again. I’m a firm believer that independence is so empowering for kids when they’re ready they will bloom into it. No need to waste years nagging and adding to stress levels of everyone involved.

plus for me there’s a gender element as my eldest is a girl and youngest a boy so I am massively conscious not to have higher expectations of eldest.

when the kids show glimmers of wanting to be helpful / independent eg wanting to bake themselves I am not a helecopter parent. But I’m henceforth signing out of unnecessary nagging… this even includes homework. I asked my daughter on Monday if she wanted me to keep asking or if she wanted not to do it this week and she choose the latter. I have no doubt she will excel academically and in life and I will always be there if she needs me. Hmmm now just thinking what I do about the begging for piano practise since it costs a small fortune I do want them to practise but is it worth it…..

At 10 I don't expect anything. At 13 both were expected to hoover the house whilst I was at work. I can't be bothered to nag and I don't think it changes who they become. My mum was a SAHM but I was desperate to help her and learn stuff, be independent whilst my DB was just annoyed by her going in his room. My kids are opposite now they have their own homes, one being very untidy and disorganised, the other being borderline obsessively clean and tidy. If you can afford it, get a cleaner. Takes all the emotions out of housework!

From toddlers they learnt to put dirty clothes in the washing basket on the landing; clear their things from the dining table and help tidy away their toys.
We had an extension built when they were about 8 and had our first dishwasher.
It was their job to empty it before school (after I'd removed any sharp knives). They also helped pair socks, put the food shop away, sort out a basket of dirty washing and they were expected to empty school bags (drink and snack containers for washing up) and put swim kit in the washing machine.
Before we went away/holidays/school trips/cub and scout camps they helped with sorting everything out that they needed/wanted to take. I checked they had everything and then oversaw it being packed (especially for school trips/camps so they knew where to find everything).

My DP doesn't do all this and he is 47...
I've failed...

That's ridiculous. Maybe clearing the table occasionally and loading the dishwasher sometimes. And not creating a mess would be helpful.

Mine have one chore each - so one does the dishwasher, one puts away laundry (I do the actual washing) and one hoovers.
Plus they look after their pets and keep their rooms tidy.

For everyone who has flagged the gender issue - my kids are both girls... we recently went on holiday with a family of just boys and even my girls noted that they did nothing and the mum did everything for them!

I know that is not the case for all boy families but it was a contrast... and made my lazy pair look like saints!

You’re having to undo years of them thinking things can be left “because mom will do it”
start with a small daily job and work up. I know you don’t want to pay them, but some form of reward system usually helps.

my girls are 5 and 3, and the 5 year old will make her bed in the morning (not perfectly, obviously, but tidy) put her dishes by the sink/dishwasher after a meal, tidy they playroom before bed time, tidy away toys out in their room.
the 3 year old helps put laundry in the washer or dryer, bring dirty laundry through to the utility, helps an adult empty the dishwasher and they both help feed the cats.

I just can’t imagine them getting to 10 and not doing some form of household chores.