Young adults, rent, chores

[Brunocatmon]

My ds is almost 22, he lives with me as does his gf, she's 21.

My 14 yr dd lives here too.

In a couple of months more dc will be coming back from living overseas but for now it's just us.

Ds and K have their own downstairs room, access to any food, utilities, bathrooms, shared shampoos etc. They each pay £150 per month. They both work p/t in hospitality.

Dd 14 is in school.

I work, often 8, 10, 13 hour shifts.

I have made a few house rules such as clean up after yourself.
Put recycling etc straight away into correct places.
Put rubbish out if bin is full etc.
Clean up after yourself in bathroom.
Nothing awful.

Today I have a split shift so 4 hours this morning, home for a while, back to work for 4 hours at 4pm.

I came home to last night's pots and pans still dirty ( we have a dishwasher ),
Rubbish bin completely overflowing,
Bathroom light on.....
And, the fucking tumble dryer on. It's a million degrees outside and we have a washing line.

I feel disrespected and it's making me sad. I've had the same conversations over and over again but I'm just moaning.

How do I ensure young adults follow the very few house rules that I have.

I've just spent £45k renovating the house, new bathrooms, kitchen, utility, their room and they just don't seem to care.

It's very depressing

Hang on you are going to have 7 adults and 2 children living with you? 😯 You are an absolute saint.

My eldest just got gentrified out of her place and might have to move back in for a bit if she doesn't find a place soon. But she's working and going to school and does a lot around the house.

Totally! Some folk just got what it takes. I only have one adult here with me. Feels enough!

Sorry OP, I have a particular issue with young adults not working full time for no particular reason. I was brought up to think that is unacceptable. More and more young people don’t work full time. However, they don’t seem to be able to live independently.
I would not be able to accept a young adult living with me on these terms. Nor a girlfriend. You should raise the rent and have a plan for them to move out.

Temporarily yes. Future son in law works full time. All dc work pt except 18 yr dd, she works full time. My eldest dd (30) works pt. 5yr did school.

We will rarely all be around at the same time 😁

I don't understand it either. I only have a pt contract but I do overtime every week to make it full time hours.

Well done so far, but I suspect your resident DC isn't taking you seriously & will continue to take the wee-wee.

When your other DCs return you will need to be specific about rent & household expectations. EG: fine for you to move in with me while looking for somewhere else to live, but I need £x per month, also I expect you to cook for everyone x times a week, buy your own toiletries, keep the communal living areas clean & tidy, by which I mean, all children's toys in the toy box, vacuuming every day etc. Whatever you decide. I would suggest that you buy a white board with the rota for cooking, cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming main living areas, the kitchen surfaces wiped down & floor mopped every evening & who is responsible for doing this every day. I would also add that the tumble drier is only to be used in an emergency - eg: when unable to dry laundry outside & need is urgent so can't be dried on an airer inside. Put it in writing.

Hopefully having siblings who follow the rules may put pressure on DS to follow them too.

Most pubs have hours that they can offer - a person can do several shifts at different pubs to make their hours up. Also fast food outlets tend to have a high turnover of staff & will be able to offer a few hours a week - even if they unsocial, it's money isn't it?

150 rent and 150 for maid services going forward

I would use the return of your other children to the house to get the gf out.

If she leaves, your DS will probably spend time at her parents in Ireland, plus have to work more to be able to afford flights there etc.

Or, she’ll up her hours to be able to rent somewhere and then your DS will move in with her.

They are very much taking the piss at the moment and I imagine the agreement you get today won’t actually materialise into hard work and housework tomorrow 🙄

Hire a cleaner to come in twice a week and increase their contribution accordingly.

My adult kids are home too and they can swing from being super helpful to leaving the place in a mess. It is not bad enough to get a cleaner in to help but it's very annoying! So I feel your pain.

Take fuse out of tumble.
Switch off wifi.
Empty fridge.
These Benefits are earnt with showing respect for you and your rules.
Buy ear muffs and keep them on.
If they don't like it well they know how to fix it. Either move out or play nice

I think your son was very disrespectful cutting you short.

You're the homeowner and the bill payer. He is there by your goodwill and his GF too. Yet he won't even let you have your say about how he and his GF trash your and your other child's home. This guy and his GF should be feeling the wrath right now and he blew you off.

It's time for consequences if these two don't clean up their act. They leave trash out, throw it on their bed. Same with their dirty dishes. Unplug the dryer. Change the Wi-Fi password. Like kids, they can get it when they've done their chores. Time to make them as uncomfortable as possible.

You're about to have a full house and they've overstayed and been dirty and costly and worn out their welcome.

My daughter and I have already talked about chores etc and responsibilities. On my late work night she cooks for the family including my 15 yr old. If she's on a late ill do it for her dc too.

I'm really looking forward to having her here.

Crikey how many bedrooms do you have?!

She’s an ally & could help talk to them about it.

Wow just reading this makes me claustrophobic. 😳 (your update with plans for everyone staying with you).

There is NO WAY I’d put up with any of this. My dd is 22 and she’s welcome to come home but on her own - I wouldn’t have any partners etc living with us. Where’s the incentive to move out? I really hope the £250 rise in the rent etc works out and they start pulling their weight but I think they know they’ve got it nice and cushy with you and they know you won’t really chuck them out. I’d be changing the WiFi password and all sorts!