9 year old girls and skincare obsession

[AgnesTeaHouse]

At the start of the school year DD9 was talking about one particular girl in her class who was always talking about her skincare routine, bringing out products and using them in class and talking about her mini skincare fridge etc. Seems this has really taken off and now all the playground chat for the girls is about what products they are all using. These are not cheap products and I was reading many of them contain retinols and other things damaging for kids. My daughter was invited to a birthday party where the party girl has requested “expensive skincare” as a gift! DD is feeling isolated as she (probably influenced by me) thinks it’s all a nonsense but I can tell the peer pressure is weighing on her.
Why on earth are we allowing 9 year olds to feel as though they have to conform to beauty standards? Feels like misogyny by stealth…
AIBU to think the parents here are entirely irresponsible for indulging their kids in this and are setting their daughters up for a lifetime of obsession with their appearance?

My daughter is the same! I've told her than in just a few years she will probably have greasy skin and spots and need skincare but that for now her skin is perfect and should be left alone.

I did let her look in Boots and told her to find something that didn't contain alcohol as an ingredient and she couldn't - that shocked her a bit I think.

It’s just so sad - my 11 year old son uses a gel cleanser now designed for young pre teen skin and it’s great to get him used to washing his face properly. However a lot of these beauty brands - like drunk elephant are just not suitable for young skin and actually causing breakouts and skin issues with girls I know who have been using for a while.

I’m shocked they are 9 years old - thankfully the nonsense is not starting here until later. But it is still nonsense … and so expensive. And they are messing up their skin which is so sad.

DD got into this sort of stuff in Y6, and to be honest it was all lead by friends who were extremely materialistic (and indulged by their parents). She’s longer friends with them, is now in Y7 at a new school and has no interest in any of it. She just did it to try and “keep up” and now laughs at how boring it all was and at the idea that primary school children are obsessing over anti aging creams 😆

My friend's DD has been using all sorts of crap on her skin since she was 9 (she's 12). She now admits she wishes she never started because when she tries to stop now, she gets spots and her skin feels awful. I think there will be a lot of regret down the line when all these girls realise how badly they have fucked up their lovely young skin 😞

Oh God, I've had this too.

Quite simply I've said she's too young, her skin is perfect as it is because she's a child and these products could damage her skin because they're not for children!

It's difficult when their friends have parents who just cave and let them have ro do whatever (including letting them watch things that influence them in this way in the first place) but that's parent life, eh? We all have to draw our own lines in the sand and stand by them.

I googled Bubbles skincare and they actually have a section aimed at under 13 year olds. It’s so insidious.

It is the same for us. We aren't in the UK and my dd11 doesn't have SM, yet the Sephora girl pull is real.

I have navigated it by allowing some lip products and various accessories... It is the same with the bloody expensive water bottles. Brands are coining it in through this massively penetrable marketing.

I have flat out refused any kind of skin care beyond some Cerave moisturiser.

5 years earlier it was Jojo bows with my elder girl, far less concerning...

But it is just another turn in the dial of fads and pester power.

Our job is to guide and say no where applicable.

It is cute in some ways, yet grim in others.

Because the kids can’t create these accounts for themselves.

They can. If they are internet savvy they make an e-mail address, they sign up, they enter a fake birthday. Everyone did that back in the day to access "you must be over 13" or whatever type sites.

However, I do think most parents just allow that, so they do know. They don't mind that they have TikTok, they don't agree with the age restriction. It has always been so though - kids watching films or playing videogames that are above their age etc.

It's very sad.

I was obsessed with Pokémon cards, Crazy Bones, and TY beanies at that age.

There is no reason for parents to be buying children this age skin care products, or indeed letting them watch garbage like beauty tiktoks (or tiktok generally, like really).

Really really depressing that 9 year olds are worrying about beauty standards.

In my DD's school, they are allowed to walk to school and home alone in Year 5 & 6. Or course parents might want them to have a mobile phone.

I worked in and around the beauty industry and it’s absolute madness that girls this young are using skincare. I see ‘mum and daughter’ posts where the pair are doing their 8-step routines.
It is bad enough for adults. There is no need for layering and layering products on your skin. While I’m not saying abandon products which work for you, but you’d be better using your funds to see a dermatologist.
They are seeing an increase in adults with skin issues because the constant use of products is damaging the skin barrier.
And ‘skin experts’ aren’t derms. They are usually there to sell you something. You only have to look at places like Caroline Hirons’ fan page on FB to view the levels of madness.
You have to remember it’s a business. It’s there to relieve you of your money.
As for children, it’s absolutely appalling that adults are letting them use products like retinol. And of course it’s all based on looks and income as Drunk Elephant isn’t cheap.
I would have a chat with the school. I actually think it would be good to have someone come in and talk to pupils and parents about what they don’t need.
A skincare fridge for a child of nine is immoral in my opinion.
And always remember as you go about your day someone is sitting thinking of ways to make you part with your money, creating problems you never knew you had. Ta da - here is a solution!
(There are some great products out there by companies I respect but so much of it is a waste of money!)

I would say depends with TikTok. I don't allow DD to have an account but I often save videos on there to watch with her - usually some kind of comedy video or animal-related. Or Minecraft videos, which she plays. She's a big fan of videos that have clips of certain animals, "cat core" or "panda core" for example. Can't see the harm in that, but that's a parent-lead activity, not free-reign.

It’s a phase; there’s no need to be over dramatic and going to the school about it. My daughter liked it for a bit, now back to her toys.

Yeah, I’ve noticed this too.

Dont get me wrong, I think it’s massively important as kids get older that they are taught to take care of their skin - ie keeping it clean, moisturised and the importance of sunscreen - getting into those good habits will only benefit them into adulthood…….
But you’re right, so many of these little girls are being bought products that are highly inappropriate for their delicate baby skin 🥴🥴
My DD is 10 and kept asking in the lead up to her birthday - Drunk Elephant is the big buzzword brand here in the US at the moment. I didn’t know much about it, so I looked into it….some of those products contain the highest percentages of acids and actives I’ve ever seen without prescription 🫠😳 I told her absolutely not. I’m an adult, and I wouldn’t even be able use products with that high a percentage of actives without destroying my skin barrier!!
We live in a very hot, dry climate, and DD has recently had the odd tiny spot pop up, so I’ve told her that for now she needs to just stick with the basics to keep her skin barrier healthy: a gentle cleanser in the evenings (Cerave moisturising cleanser), and the same Cerave moisturiser that I put on all of the children and of course sunscreen every morning.

To say this is misogyny is to let parents (is this case mainly mothers) off the hook.

This obsession has be fed with money - quite a lot actually.

Whomever is buying the stuff is to blame.

my god. At 9 years old I was playing with Barbie and Bratz dolls! Skincare didn't even make an appearance in my life until I was 16. This is OUTRAGEOUS. YANBU

same in all the schools I know.

Children are allowed to walk home alone from year 5, so parents give them phone from year 5

Not included children from divorced parents who like to have a way of being in touch with the other parent?

It's ridiculous. When I was 9 I'd noi idea about skincare. WhenIwas about 14 I worried about spots. That was it.

The most ridiculous thing is that parents are buying all this stuff - some of it £70/80 a time

but this just feels like parenting failure

YABU and massive eye roll

I think it's silly, but girls have been obsessed with nail varnish and make-up from KS1. I do a massive eyeroll again, at "pampering sessions" in lieue of birthday parties, but if the girls like it.

You lost me with your superior attitude and judgemental nonsense frankly.

*Because the kids can’t create these accounts for themselves.

You are naive if you think all 9 year olds have restricted devices that don’t allow making an email address /downloading whatever they fancy.

IME lots of parents have never logged into their Internet router and set up Internet controls because they don’t consider themselves techie enough and want to be able to look at porn or whatever.

My dd is in her 20s now but 10 years ago she was watching vloggers sell high end cosmetics to their young teen audiences so many of them were jumping from no makeup to using high end brands. My dd had to experiment with budget brands if she wanted to wear make up - no drunk elephant and expensive stuff until she earned her own money.

Ditto.

It's thoroughly depressing. We are living in a society where it seems almost anything is perfectly fine with some parents.

People voicing concern are viewed as overdramatic and behind the times, and nothing, however important, worrying or unacceptable, is ever allowed to be considered a big deal.

It's shit parenting.

And your 'if the girls like it " comment is just stupid.

Appalling lazy parenting

its actually really difficult when your daughter is in a class with girls who are obsessed with this. This is the age where friendships and fitting in become really important and this age/sex group have been marketed at forever- Barbie, bratz, now it’s this. Either you let her participate in as limited way as you can manage or she is completely left out and upset. Both options are pretty shit.