Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

what would you do 72 years old farmers wife

59 replies

farmerwifesfriend · 30/04/2025 04:19

I live on farm with husband who inherited everything. So I don't have to worry about relatives living with . We don't have any money worries like others have either. I have never had a vacation!! My husband has no desire to go anywhere, even to ocean. He says he has everything he needs right here, and does not understand why I would like to even go away for a weekend... I am in major depression, I live about 100 miles from the ocean and have never been there. I fear I will never see any of the country, any suggestions.

OP posts:

latelydaydreams · 30/04/2025 04:39

Go on your own, or with a friend?

There’s nothing stopping you and life is too short.

Just say, darling, I want to see the ocean. I’m going on X day, want to come? If he says yes, then great. If not, pack nice food and a good book and make the most of it!

DecemberBackIn63 · 30/04/2025 04:42

Can you go with a friend?

I think it's sad that your husband doesn't want to visit places, if it would make you happy, BUT I think that I'd ask a friend or something, & still go.

MaggieBsBoat · 30/04/2025 04:44

Yes please go @farmerwifesfriend is this possible? Do you drive? Have you someone you could go with? This is not asking for much in life. Maybe go once and if it helps go regularly. I live by the sea and when I am feeling down, I go and sit by myself on the beach and just breathe and stare and I always come away with my heart a little lighter.

notatinydancer · 30/04/2025 04:45

Have you got any children ? They will be adults ? Can you go with them ?

InWalksBarberalla · 30/04/2025 04:47

Book a cruise or a tour and just go.

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 30/04/2025 04:52

Do you have access to finances?

If so, go without him. This is really sad. I couldn’t cope with a world so small.

Peripop · 30/04/2025 04:56

I'd just go by myself. Life aint a dress rehearsal!

ApolloandDaphne · 30/04/2025 05:00

Where do you live? I'm assuming not the UK because I don't think anywhere is as far as 100 miles from the sea. Do you drive? If so then 100 miles isn't too far to go by yourself or with a friend. Seize the day and go see the ocean.

HoppingPavlova · 30/04/2025 05:01

Go on your own or with friends. My DH doesn’t have an interest in most places I want to go and things I want to do, and ditto for me with him. Occasionally there is something we both want to do/go but it’s probably an 80/20 rule where we holiday apart due to different interests. If none of my friends are interested either, I go on my own, which in some ways is better as it’s all to your own schedule without having to take others into account. Some countries/places, I’ll join a tour for certain sightseeing if it’s hard to get to or I think a tour guide will add to the experience, but I make sure I get small ones (like 15 people or less in a mini van, not the big coach type tours).

Pppppplease · 30/04/2025 05:11

That's sad. I am only 32 but would come to the beach with you if you are close to the South East UK, I can bring my nan she is 74 if you'd like. We only get one life, please don't spend the rest of it in a bubble if you have dreams get out there!

TheBlueUser · 30/04/2025 05:13

If you're not confident to go on your own and money isn't an issue, there are companies that organise tours you could join.

You will meet new people who have similar interests to you and have a lovely time! Leave your husband at home.

Don't sit there wishing you could do something, do something about it and go to see the ocean!

Funkyblues101 · 30/04/2025 05:33

The OP must be north American. No 72 year old Brit would call the seaside and holiday "the ocean" and "vacation".
Also, it's not uncommon in the US for people to have never left their state, especially the older generations. Can understand that farming is very restrictive.

TimeForATerf · 30/04/2025 05:38

I don’t understand this, you’re using typical North American terms and yet if you’re located there 100 miles can be a drive to the nearest Walmart. 100 miles in Australia is also no distance, although you use miles and not km?

Morph22010 · 30/04/2025 05:49

ApolloandDaphne · 30/04/2025 05:00

I’m in uk and our nearest seaside is about 95 miles away, so if I was referring to how far I’d say about 100 miles

CaptainFuture · 30/04/2025 05:53

Are you a72 wife or is the farmer 72?
Is this a new relationship for you?

TunnocksOrDeath · 30/04/2025 05:57

Go without him, or go with a friend. My parents are 90 miles away, and I visit them for an overnight stay with my child every week during the school holidays. It really isn't that far. My husband stays at home and gets some work done while it's quiet! I understand that this may be something you would prefer to do with your husband, but I believe it's better to do it without him than not at all.
I'm assuming you're American (nowhere in the UK is more than 87 miles from the sea) so be prepared for a lot of incredulous replies here. Brits travel a LOT. But actually that just shows how easy it can be, especially in the internet age. I'd book a proper hotel if you're not a confident traveler, then the desk clerk can help you if you need assistance with transport links, local knowledge etc. while you're away.

Landlubber2019 · 30/04/2025 06:27

My farming wives all holiday alone or with friends.

LillyPJ · 30/04/2025 06:27

Go on your own. Be independent. He's happy where he is so there's no point in forcing him.

CloverPyramid · 30/04/2025 06:29

Is he still farming? What does he farm? If he’s a livestock farmer, it’s true that he can’t leave regularly or take a holiday without it being a major inconvenience. My friend’s dad is a dairy farmer and he felt awful asking someone to cover for him on my friend’s wedding day, nevermind for a holiday.

It’s a shame he’s never done it for you though. At this point, he’s very unlikely to change. I’d be looking at going by yourself or with friends.

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 30/04/2025 06:29

Doesn't he allow you to go away by yourself?
If he doesn't, well you have a problem DH.
If he does, well, organise a solo break or get a friend to go
Are you in America?

RedHelenB · 30/04/2025 06:30

You need the sea in your life. Do you have any children you could go with?

Feelingmuchbetter · 30/04/2025 06:31

It’s time to plan your adventure to the ocean and other places. You have one life.

UpsideDownChairs · 30/04/2025 06:44

I don't know where you are, but over here there's a thing called Rory's Travel Club - they started out just doing cheap trips, but now they do all sorts of things, including group trips which welcome lone travellers, so you've got support around you.

I've not done them alone, but I did a similar thing on a lapland trip with the kids - got a full bundle so I didn't have to worry about organising anything, we just turned up where we were told and got on a coach - it made the whole trip so easy.

If you wanted to start out small, I bet there's a coach company relatively local to you who does day trips to various places, get your arm in on those, then you can head out further if you find you like it.

NetZeroZealot · 30/04/2025 06:49

The OP appears to be in the US where it is not uncommon for people to not leave the State they live in.
80% of Americans have never had a passport.

redphonecase · 30/04/2025 06:50

Divorce?

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread