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AIBU?

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Original poster

what would you do 72 years old farmers wife

59 replies

farmerwifesfriend · 30/04/2025 04:19

I live on farm with husband who inherited everything. So I don't have to worry about relatives living with . We don't have any money worries like others have either. I have never had a vacation!! My husband has no desire to go anywhere, even to ocean. He says he has everything he needs right here, and does not understand why I would like to even go away for a weekend... I am in major depression, I live about 100 miles from the ocean and have never been there. I fear I will never see any of the country, any suggestions.

OP posts:
LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 30/04/2025 07:08

Go on a singles holiday for over 60s!
Saga is popular but there's loads of them.

My gran aunts go all the time. Thet are fully organsied with lots of sightseeing and activities (tours, cooking classes museums, art galleries, cocktail classes, (interesting) factory tours etc )heres now a little gang as they made friends with other women over the years on diff trips. Occasionally the husbands come but often its just "the girls"

You could also just book a place on the coast and treat a friend!

Put a few meals in the freezer and order an online shop (if you need to) for dh while away
Farmer life is long hours

ThankULord · 30/04/2025 07:15

@farmerwifesfriend , are you a friend to the farmer's wife?
Will you travel with your friend?
Are you concerned about her? Her marriage?

HomeTheatreSystem · 30/04/2025 07:17

OP it would help to say where you were and whether you have access to money to be able to take yourself off somewhere. If you are in the US you have a variety of oceans to choose from and at least you don't have to worry about passports and visas. Just put one foot forward and get the ball rolling.

Cynic17 · 30/04/2025 07:17

Book something and go! You don't need your husband's company or his permission! 100 miles is not far - you'll be there in a couple of hours.

Midge75 · 30/04/2025 07:30

I don't know if your circunstances are difficult (are you needed on the farm every day (no one to cover for you), is your huband being difficult about you going on your own...?) but if there are no major issues, just do it. My dad doesn't like to travel anymore so in the past 10 years my mum has been all over the place with friends and groups. She's 81 now and was in Morocco a few months ago and is off to Romania very soon. Take your chance.

Ohthatsabitshit · 30/04/2025 08:04

If you can’t drive then learn. Then drive to the seaside.

ThirdStorm · 30/04/2025 08:07

Agree with others, do something for yourself, don't have regrets but equally don't make somebody who has no interest come with you - they'll hate it and you'll have a bad time! Have you thought about doing something like this? https://www.berryscoaches.co.uk/day-tours/events-attractions/

Coach Day Tours: Events & Attractions | Berrys Coaches | Book Your Favourite Day Tour With Berrys Coaches

Berrys Coaches are here to take you away to many wonderful sights around the country. Book with us to ensure a fast, comfortable journey!

https://www.berryscoaches.co.uk/day-tours/events-attractions/

hency · 30/04/2025 08:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 30/04/2025 08:10

Your husband is a selfish man. You're telling him you don't have everything you need and he's saying he has everything he needs so it's fine, end of discussion.

ScribblingPixie · 30/04/2025 08:25

You're in the US & have funds? What about planning an Alaskan cruise? You'll see lots of ocean.

IridescentRainbow · 30/04/2025 08:32

I’m 75 and my husband died last year. I had looked after him for 10 years through his illness and so I couldn’t go away then. Now if I go anywhere it’s on my own, and it’s really ok. Just do it. Book a hotel by the ocean for a couple of nights and go. It will be so good for your mental health.

28andgreat · 30/04/2025 08:38

Ah, I feel for you - being a farmers wife is never understood unless you've lived it. Your life isnt your own, you essentially cater to your husband and the land.

My Nan was a farmers wife, my grandad sadly passed away 9 years ago and even though she was grieving, I have never seen my Nan do so much.

She's reconnected with old friends, gone on holiday twice with us, does regular coach trips to the coast etc.

My advice is give up on your husband wanting to leave the farm, he won't. It's his entire life. Is there anyone else you can go away with? And ignore the guilt of 'will he be okay' because he will cope, and you need to live your life too.

AllTangledUpInDaisiesAndDiadems · 30/04/2025 08:41

Definitely go on your own, or with a friend.

💐

PiriPiriMenopause · 30/04/2025 08:42

Farmers can really be so stuck in their ways, especially the older generation! They think if they leave the farm than it’ll disintegrate completely. The lifestyle creates workaholics and it can be SO difficult to break that cycle as even when they are forced to have a day off the phone still rigs, or they’re thinking about what they’re sowing next, or feeding cattle or buying another tractor.

You don’t have money worries which is a massive advantage, especially in farming. Take advantage of this and go yourself. Plenty of farmer’s wives do! I know you want to spend time with your husband but you know yourself you’ll be waiting forever. Just leave him to work the farm, he’s and adult and it’s his choice. But don’t waste your life not fulfilling your desires to do things you want to do!

Eenameenadeeka · 30/04/2025 08:43

Go and see the ocean! Do you have any children or a friend to go with, if he doesn't want to go?

Nannyfannybanny · 30/04/2025 08:44

Do people actually read posts! The lady says she lives on the farm with her husband , and no family living there.I'm also assuming the US. Farming is an incredibly hard intensive life. You can't throw a sickie have a lie in.. course this is Mumsnet,so you would be expected to divorce..I would be very surprised at a non driving farmers wife.. hire a campervan, take yourself off,go where you want to,see the ocean
After all these years of seclusion,it would be very scary going on a cruise for instance,you likely wouldn't have a suitable wardrobe,a lot of strangers can be very intimidating,if you're not used to it..

.

justasking111 · 30/04/2025 08:50

Mum in her seventies toured Italy. The following year she did NYC and New England. Do one of those Caribbean cruises if you're in the USA it's all organised for singles.

bevm72yellow · 30/04/2025 08:55

He is thinking about only himself and what he needs or wants. You are the linchpin to why he has the life that he has. Farm probably comes first in most situations but it is the people on the farm who come first. You are not getting your needs met and you have got used to being put way down the line all the time. In fact you may be seen or told as causing trouble or upsetting everybody and the workings of the farm by even requesting what you want. Get a friend and start making changes .....ignore husband's demands and possibly trying to guilt you into not going away. The backlash may be guilting you or saying " you left me on my own" or feigning or exaggerating sickness or ailments.

Jollyhockeystickss · 30/04/2025 08:56

I'm lucky I've always lived by the sea, infact I live right next to the water now, I go on holiday all the time as lifes too short, the ocean and water is magical it's my happy place, you need to go on holiday on your own to the ocean, life is far too short

Hankunamatata · 30/04/2025 08:57

If you want to stay with him you need to carve out your own thing. A couple hobbies etc. Friends you could travel with. If he doesn't want to go anywhere that's fine but ita not stopping you.

NorthWestToWest · 30/04/2025 09:01

Guessing you aren't in the UK as we don't say 'ocean' - usually 'sea'.

Do you mean you've never been to a beach/ sea in your life?

Where do you live? Are you 72or is he?

Winter2020 · 30/04/2025 09:02

In the long term does your husband ever plan to retire? Will you sell the farm or do you have someone to take it on? What would happen if he was too sick to work?

I'm just curious as he doesn't seem able to take a few days off.

pontipinemum · 30/04/2025 09:02

I'm a farmers wife too. Has it always been like that for you? My DH would probably keep happily farming away 365 days a year but I make him go on holidays, which he then enjoys.

My ILs are around your age. They don't go anyway. But FIL has had a few big trips with my SIL, MIL isn't interested. Can you go with someone else?

Seventree · 30/04/2025 09:02

Please, please go on your own. Life is too short not to see the sea.

If you're in the UK a coach tour could be perfect. My grandma goes on an coach holiday every year, sometimes alone and sometimes with a friend. She says there are always single passengers and people tend to chat over dinner etc.

Bjorkdidit · 30/04/2025 09:03

Cynic17 · 30/04/2025 07:17

Book something and go! You don't need your husband's company or his permission! 100 miles is not far - you'll be there in a couple of hours.

If the OP can drive or there's suitable public transport, which may not be the case in rural US.

OP, are you able to leave the farm for the day? Can you get to the ocean (eg drive and access to a car and money?). If you're not confident going alone, which really shouldn't be a worry, it's really fine to go places by yourself, then do you have a friend or relative to go with you?

Just because your DH doesn't want to leave the farm, or feels that he can't, doesn't mean you shouldn't or that he won't let you go.