To think this is overkill ?

[AdderJagfa]

The context to this is I was 9 years old and it was the no man’s land time between Xmas and Nee Year - so let’s say around December 29th?

I had a mad crush on a boy at the time and I wrote a letter and rang someone’s doorbell I knew 2 streets away and gave it to the woman of the house who had kids roughly my age - I’d signed letter with the boys unusual surname. I wrote another letter and signed it with a completely different surname

After i delivered the letters I walked home knowing I’d made a huge mistake

That evening my doorbell rang and the husband and wife from the house in question were both at the door with the letters in hand and came into speak to my parents

I got a huge telling off and dressing down by my parents and felt very mortified and embarrassed about the whole thing. There was such a bad atmosphere in the house I actually begged for the cleaner to come the next day 😭 - but she didn’t cos Xmas hols

Just to say the content of my letters wasn’t in any way rude or offensive

AIBU to think the adults in this situation went too far?

For some reason I don’t understand, you are placing enormous weight on this incident from your childhood. I think you must have a lot of problems in your life, and be unhappy, to be obsessing about something relatively minor that happened so many years ago.

You acted strangely, your parents were angry and embarrassed. It doesn’t sound as if they beat you or locked you up with just bread and water, or even kept referring to it years later. Move on.

How is your relationship with your parents now?

The way I see it…. You were an only child living in a house with parents who, in your words, were cold and strict. You, perhaps, lived a little in your fantasy/day-dream world.
One day, when you were 9yrs old, you wrote two letters – playing out a happy adult world in from your head. You delivered these letters to a local family that you knew had children your age – I think you probably saw this family as the epitome of a happy family, with lots of children and animals, and wanted some kind of connection to them.

The parents of that family were either worried about you, or freaked out…. So they came to your house and talked to your parents. Given your parents attitude, probably not unusual in the early 80s, the were not happy with you and rather than trying to understand why you did it, they chastised you. This left a lasting impression on you and you are still thinking about this today, given that this was 40+ years ago it’s worrying that this is still on your mind.

I think you are still thinking about this from a child’s perspective – you need to reframe it, and look at it from the adult perspective. Perhaps your parents did over-react because of their concern about what others thought of them, but I think the neighbour adults did the right thing if they were worried about you.

How has this seemingly trivial thing become such a big deal to you? Why is this the incident you’re hyper focusing on? It was a very weird thing to do, I have a ten year old and I’d probably give him a telling off for doing something like this. The fact that you’re clinging on to it some forty years later is odd in and of itself.

Ok, I’ve now read all the responses on this thread and this poster has the most accurate interpretation of the circumstances so everyone if you want an accurate interpretation read THIS !!!

and

Exactly !!!!!! Spot on !!!!!

GET IN!!!!!

What do I win?

@BadLad a caramac Easter egg from the reduced section at Waitrose!🥳

I know kids do funny things but this was very strange behaviour from a 9 year old. If I were your parents I'd have been confused and concerned rather than cross I think. Maybe they were embarrassed in front of the other family that their child had done this weird thing. I agree with others that is sounds like you were attention seeking because your parents were busy/distant.

The fact that this still bothers you all these years later suggest you've got issues to unpick from your childhood. It could well be worth exploring these in therapy.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. You got told off for behaving like a twat. I assume you learnt from it. Time to move on was 40 years ago.

This still makes absolutely no sense to me 😂

It sounds like you might have been feeling quite lonely? Did you have any siblings? Just thinking that you said the letter was trying to be a typical adult conversation and congratulations about a job, when you had very career oriented parents. It doesn't sound like a very normal thing for a child to do, but I'm wondering if you were an only child with quite serious parents and that's why your imaginative "play" was around adults and jobs?
I don't necessarily think the adults overreacted, the other parents were right to check on you, and I think especially in that time most parents would have told their child off for what you did. We definitely all have done things we regret as children though, so I think you should forgive yourself and let it go.

Sorry I am still completely lost at what went on in 1981

I still don't understand. The OP wrote 2 letters, one of which she signed with the surname of a boy she fancied and another one with a random surname. The letters contained mundane stuff which she imagined grown ups would talk about. She then delivered both letters to a neighbour a few doors down who had several children but was unconnected with the boy crush. The neighbour brought both letters back to the OP's parents, whereupon the OP got a right royal bollocking. I still don't see how this would help her in her quest for the boy she fancied.

How are you doing now @AdderJagfa?
Have you or had you a 9 year old child ?
You would worry if they did the same - what was their motivation?
Were they upset about something. Parenting is different now of course and you would worry but talk about it gently with them.
The neighbour was concerned about an odd incident, possibly worried about you and your home circumstances.
Your parents were embarrassed about what happened.
There isn’t a Paren’s Handbook - we don’t always get it right.
I’d let it go.
We’ve all done daft embarrassing things.

I’m only saying what I think happened , not why it happened. The only reason I can think of is that the OP had a crush and went a bit loopy.

The most unreasonable thing is that you're still dwelling on it 44 years later 🤔

I haven’t got a bloody clue what this one’s all about 🤔 🤷‍♀️

i am really having trouble understanding all this to be honest just when I think I may understand it, an update is given that baffles me more.

BUT I think I am correct in thinking that this happened 44 years ago when you was 9 so you are 53 years of age now, you did something a bit strange then and got told off for it as your parents were probably embarrassed by it. That’s all nothing else, it’s really time to move on.

You did something weird writing strange letters. Even now you're being a bit odd, alluding to but not giving the celebrity's surname. If they were a celebrity then their surname wasn't secret.
The adult thought it was weird, or thought you took the letters to the wrong place and took them to your parents.
Your parents were confused and tried to question you - no shit, I'd be asking my child why they did this too.
You thought they were angry - maybe, or maybe just worried.
Woman later looked weirdly at you in the street - that's because you did something weird.
Your cleaner couldn't come - well usually they are booked by the adult who pays them not the 9yo.
Now you're trying to make something of it 44 years later- that's weirder than the letters. If you feel you need help understanding your relationship with your parents then try a counsellor and give lots of information not individual incidents, because it can be confusing to just give bits of stories.

This thread does not make any sense.

Quite early to have a crush so intense - 8/9. It's a really strange thing to do, Op and I can't blame your parents for being embarrassed and annoyed, uptight or not. It was however, 1981, 43 years ago!! Have you done other random things since that you've instantly regretted?

Some of these responses are so harsh. It’s totally normally and actually very healthy to revisit childhood memories as an adult and seek a new perspective of them by talking them through with others. Telling someone to “move on” and “stop dwelling” is not good advice. It’s healthy to reflect on and resolve upsetting incidents from your past.

Continuing to be affected by being told off over 40 years ago as if it's a major trauma is not healthy. A sense of perspective is more fundamental to wellbeing than raking over the past to justify your sense of grievance.

So harsh!

You did something odd back then, and to be perfectly honest you still sound odd now. Parents sound a bit odd too. However, our differences are what make us individuals, so it’s absolutely fine to be odd. We are all weird to someone. I think we all have something from our past that we did as kids that still gives us delayed embarrassment or angst to this day. That’s normal too. Don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s only a matter of days till my next faux pas usually…

Op, I may be far from the mark here.

But I am imagining a lonely child in need of some attention. Perhaps you thought by signing your name as your crush’s surname that, in your fantasy , you were married-that he wanted to be with you.

Giving the letters to a random neighbour (a mum too) also strikes me as wanting to make contact. In a sort of ‘any attention is better than none’ sort of a way.

You knew it was a bit off/wrong at the time as you immediately regretted it but you did it anyway - I think you must have thought at the time that it was worth it. You were trying to reach out to someone something that you couldn’t articulate.

I agree with others that adults didn’t want negative attention from the neighbours in those days which helps to explain the telling off at the time (poor you 😔). I feel like today we would try to understand where the behaviour came from more but back then adults treated children oftentimes as simply mini adults.

I am also wondering about the coldness after. We know from police reports that Christmas is one of the highest times a person might experience domestic abuse. May your parents had been arguing and you picked up on an atmosphere and then like small children do you blamed yourself for it.

Are your parents still around and could you ask them about it? Could be interring to see their reaction -would they laugh at the memory or would they even remember it?

Please don’t feel shame for the incident or even for ‘dwelling ‘ on it. Kids do daft things. It’s a time of great learning and you were trying something out and learning from it. Sign of a smart person! I

You’re still concerned and mulling over it decades on, which could be said it’s to the point of ridiculousness too. Maybe it’s just a family trait.