Is my neighbour a CF or AIBU?

[Allaboutthetrilogy1985]

Has anyone had trouble with neighbours because of their SEN children? I have a DS who at the minute is going through headbanging. So we have him in a travel cot next to us as its safer. However, he likes to rock the cot which admittedly does make a racket and of course we try to limit the rocking by using furniture to pad him in - but you know - stimming!!! Our neighbour has text tonight saying how the banging day and night is ruining his life and keeps them awake. I feel bad that our son is disrupting them, but even on his worse days he crashes by 9 (being put to bed at 7) i can imagine those two hours are irritating but what else can i do? He sleeps through so i just cant understand the argument for keeping them awake unless they go to bed at 7? And all day is crazy as he goes to a childminders? Neighbour is fully aware of DS needs. Our neighbour also complained about our dog barking all day when we were home all day with said dog and heard not a peep! So should i be polite and try and ‘do better’ as he suggests, or shall i tell him to do one and fall out?. Both neighbour and us own our properties. Ps he doesnt seem to worry about noise when revving his stupid midlife crisis vespa outside our house at 7am on a weekend….

AIBU for not doing better?

Thanks. Yes we've ordered a floor bed but it doesn't arrive until wednesday which we explained to neighbour. We’ll put that in our room to keep an eye on him but will stop the rocking. We did explain to neighbour that that was the delivery time and we needed BH weekend to baby proof our room as we work FT but still got that text this evening

I hadn’t read it like that. Looking at it now, It’s ambiguous. Anyway, even if they did mean the neighbours face, suggesting smothering someone is not on.

I’m very sorry. I’ve not got any solution for you other than a foam mattress topper and a little kid’s sleeping bag - maybe? The mattress topper would absorb almost any shock and noise.
As an aside, a woman came to work (well, to assist me) for me several years ago. I’ve come to care about her very much.
I’ve noticed that as she’s sitting here, she rocks back and forth, not constantly, but a decent amount of the time. Only recently did I discover that this is “stimming.” I’d never heard of it before.
It never bothered me, I simply never saw anyone do that - I just thought it was a quirk of hers until I happened to read an article about stimming.

Why are you asking if the neighbour is a CF?

That is vile. How fucking dare you.

@MNHQ why is this message still up?!

Come on it’s obviously the neighbours is taking the piss and making things up. He says he can hear banging when you are not even in the house. He says it’s all night but it stops at nine. He complained about the dog barking when you were in and knew it wasn’t.
plus the garage door when you have just got home with twins. It takes a special type of twat to do that.
i would be temped to get a solicitor to send a letter regarding harassment, highlighting the times when you know he has blatantly lied. Say you will be keeping a recording of all the noise coming from yours when you are in and also keeping a recording of when you are out the house. if he keeps reporting noise when there is not any you will be going to the police for harassment.
he will back down when challenged- bully’s aways do.

He would not stand a cat in hells chance of a noise complaint if it’s all quiet by 9. If he comes again tell him to stop harassing you and get in touch with the council. My friend is currently living next door to a couple who have mad drug parties every other night and the council could not give a toss or the police for that matter.

We used to live next door to a family and the daughter was constantly on a machine that beeped to alert if something was wrong. When she was having a bad night it beeped a hell of a lot.-
did we complain- did we hell because we are not twats- we got some earplugs.

Just out of interest is he having a go at you or your husband or both.

If your neighbour is constantly complaining about noise that isn’t taking place, then it sounds like harassment to me.

I think you and your partner need to be firm with your neighbour. Reiterate his complaints don’t correlate, and if they are in fact from your place he is exaggerating. He sounds petty, and it sounds like the sound may not even be from your place.

Keep a log of any noise in your place, as well as any complaints from him. Mention his Vespa at all hours too, and any noise he makes.

Sending you hugs, it sounds like you’re having a tough time. You seem like wonderful parents.

Oh yeah I second every time he makes a noise from the Vespa complain. Fight fire with fire

Oh one more thing/
if you feel it is boarding into harassment and is making stuff up report as a disability hate crime to the police. maybe bring that into a conversation with him next time he complains that you have taken advice and making things up like he is doing is a hate crime.

If he is saying your son who is classed as having a disability is banging when he is not then that would fit the criteria. Or if he threatens anything.
i work with the police on a disability hate crime project so i know you can do this and you would fit the criteria.

You would not believe how many neighbours, especially older neighbours (not ageist it’s a fact) got really nasty about children having disabilities. Especially disabilities such as autism and adhd which apparently was not around in their day (no they just put kids with autism and such in asylums or schools would put pupils with special needs on the thick table or give them a dunce cap).

it was not unusual for a neighbour to completely make things up just for spite and to cause trouble. Saw it time and time again. Some of them got taken to court, some got warnings and some cautions. Most backed down after a warning- if not it escalated to the next stage.

if you do decide to ring the police ask to speak to the diversity officer and don’t take no for an answer as they specialise in this kind of thing. If you are on the north west I can signpost you to a good charity that supports people with hate crime .

Your neighbour is clearly exaggerating and sounds v uptight. Complaining
about a dirty garage door! Get a life, mate! And have some empathy for people with disabilities.

You’re clearly not disturbing his sleep unless he goes to bed before 9. And unsocial hours are 11pm to 7am. Don’t get stressed about him. Just politely respond each time (in case he uses your response as part of a noise complaint) but in a firm way that makes it clear there’s no persistent or unsociable noise and you’re reasonable people, e.g.:

”Hi, how are you? I’m sorry you’ve been disturbed. My son’s been struggling with his disability at his bedtime. He should settle within an hour by 9pm as he usually does.”

I wanted to thank everyone for their views and advice. I definitely need to sense check with opinions more often. weve had some treatment for his ears today and not one headbang or cot rock since which is wonderful for everyone. Sods law in the best way x

In the nicest possible way, @Allaboutthetrilogy1985, your neighbour can fuck off. Two hours is not bad at all, you’re trying everything, you’re updating him more than he has a right to know. I’d probably be more understanding of his position if the other neighbour was also having an issue, but given that he can’t even hear your son, your other neighbour is just one of those people who need something to complain about. Hence the complaint about your dog barking, then only complaining about the dog when you were out, complaining about your ds when he’s at the childminder, asleep etc.

he will never not complain so tbh I’d disengage. Let him moan about the same thing rather than him going through the effort of finding a new and different thing that you then worry about. You do seem to be a considerate person and so long as you can truthfully say that you’re doing the best you can, then stop trying to appease some prat that won’t ever feel that you’ve done enough.

Brilliant update OP. Well done, I hope he is a lot more comfortable.

I have had many a week that would have gone easier if we'd managed to rule out pain sooner.