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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I’ll never be able to afford to buy on my own…

151 replies

Childmaintenanceq1 · 29/04/2025 20:07

Age 40…divorced
earn 50k…
I have approx 130 cash
bank will lend me 180 🙄 and that’s not even for sure…

So that’s max price of 310…there’s nothing in my area even close to that, I need 3 beds as I have two dc…bloody hell!

I thought that I was in a good position…obviously not!…just having a moan.

OP posts:
Rewis · 30/04/2025 06:46

BakelikeBertha · 29/04/2025 23:17

People frequently moan about the 'Boomers' who were all able to buy their own homes, had it easy, blah, blah! However, a lot of us were prepared to buy somewhere that was perhaps out of our area a bit, or places you had to do up, or somewhere tiny to just get on the ladder. We bought second hand furniture, and thought all our Christmas's had come at once, if were lucky enough to be offered a second hand washing machine, fridge, or cooker. Now it seems that while so many moan about how hard it all is, no one seems prepared to go without anything, or put up with discomfort of any sort, in order to get where they want to be. Everyone WANTS to buy the house that suits them, and furnish it with brand new stuff, often turning up their nose at the offer of something second hand, but that is the way that a lot of 'Boomers' managed to get on the ladder.

I'm afraid your attitude in response to all the suggestions people have made, makes me mad OP, as you don't seem prepared to suffer even the tiniest hardship, or inconvenience in order to get what you want. Why is that?

When I split from my DH, I moved from a large 4 bedroomed detached house, was used to having a new car every couple of years, and had plenty of spare cash for holidays etc., as he was a high earner. I suddenly found myself, with no job, (I'd been a SAHM) no skills, and no credit score. I got myself a part time job, as it was all I could get. Proved I was good at it, and was offered full time after a few weeks, which I gratefully accepted, even though I didn't like the job much. When the family home had been sold, I got a relatively small lump sum to use as a deposit, and with the help of a mortgage, I was in a position to buy an old, two bedroom house, in a cheap area, that needed EVERYTHING doing to it. My best friend came round to have a look when I got the key, and almost had kittens, asking me what on earth I was thinking buying a place like that. However, over a period of a few weeks, a lot of determination, and doing DIY most nights until 10pm, after a full day at work, I finally had one room which was decorated and cosy. My teenage child and I, lived in that house, while I continued to work all day, and do DIY every night, gradually making that poor little house into a home. I was absolutely terrified of taking on a mortgage on my own, but knew that as long as I was careful, I could pay that and the bills, and keep my child fed and clothed, and that was all that mattered to me.

Now, I am back to living in a large 4 bed house, have a new car, and am happily married to a wonderful man. Which just goes to show that if you're prepared to put yourself out and work hard, instead of whinging and feeling sorry for yourself, you CAN, get the things you want. So please stop moaning and feeling sorry for yourself, and do what you have to, to get where you want to be.

I didn't want to make this about generations but you brought up boomers. This was the most boomer thing I've read in a while.

femfemlicious · 30/04/2025 06:49

Childmaintenanceq1 · 29/04/2025 20:44

Is rather not say where I am, sorry, I know people are trying to make me feel better and help but I have looked at all options believe me. My only real option for now is to stay out and save if I can or find a new partner to buy with…easier said than done 🤣

The longer you wait, the more prices increase unless you are going to earn a lot more. Its a very bad idea to wait for a partner to buy with!. Even if you manage to get one, What if the relationship breaks down after you buy?. There a no knights in shiny armor coming to save you. You are better off getting shared ownership.

Summer2025 · 30/04/2025 06:51

BakelikeBertha · 29/04/2025 23:17

People frequently moan about the 'Boomers' who were all able to buy their own homes, had it easy, blah, blah! However, a lot of us were prepared to buy somewhere that was perhaps out of our area a bit, or places you had to do up, or somewhere tiny to just get on the ladder. We bought second hand furniture, and thought all our Christmas's had come at once, if were lucky enough to be offered a second hand washing machine, fridge, or cooker. Now it seems that while so many moan about how hard it all is, no one seems prepared to go without anything, or put up with discomfort of any sort, in order to get where they want to be. Everyone WANTS to buy the house that suits them, and furnish it with brand new stuff, often turning up their nose at the offer of something second hand, but that is the way that a lot of 'Boomers' managed to get on the ladder.

I'm afraid your attitude in response to all the suggestions people have made, makes me mad OP, as you don't seem prepared to suffer even the tiniest hardship, or inconvenience in order to get what you want. Why is that?

When I split from my DH, I moved from a large 4 bedroomed detached house, was used to having a new car every couple of years, and had plenty of spare cash for holidays etc., as he was a high earner. I suddenly found myself, with no job, (I'd been a SAHM) no skills, and no credit score. I got myself a part time job, as it was all I could get. Proved I was good at it, and was offered full time after a few weeks, which I gratefully accepted, even though I didn't like the job much. When the family home had been sold, I got a relatively small lump sum to use as a deposit, and with the help of a mortgage, I was in a position to buy an old, two bedroom house, in a cheap area, that needed EVERYTHING doing to it. My best friend came round to have a look when I got the key, and almost had kittens, asking me what on earth I was thinking buying a place like that. However, over a period of a few weeks, a lot of determination, and doing DIY most nights until 10pm, after a full day at work, I finally had one room which was decorated and cosy. My teenage child and I, lived in that house, while I continued to work all day, and do DIY every night, gradually making that poor little house into a home. I was absolutely terrified of taking on a mortgage on my own, but knew that as long as I was careful, I could pay that and the bills, and keep my child fed and clothed, and that was all that mattered to me.

Now, I am back to living in a large 4 bed house, have a new car, and am happily married to a wonderful man. Which just goes to show that if you're prepared to put yourself out and work hard, instead of whinging and feeling sorry for yourself, you CAN, get the things you want. So please stop moaning and feeling sorry for yourself, and do what you have to, to get where you want to be.

Dh's grandfather bought a 7k house with a mortgage from the council in 1956 as a garment worker with no stable salary. His mother and father bought a 1 bed flat in nw london which was so small parents and 3 kids all slept in the bedroom on mattresses but then their generous parents gave them money to upgrade to a house in 1997.. It is incredibly run down and has never been done up in the 27 years she has lived there.

We bought our 2 bed flat (1 double room and 1 single room) in nw london in our 20s and as we are unwilling to ask our kids to sleep on mattresses, dh had a vasectomy when I was 6 months pregnant with first and only child..dh's mother's advice was to wait for a property market crash which coincided with cash gift from her father and inlaws to buy...and we were unwilling to wait around for that either!

Sharptonguedwoman · 30/04/2025 06:52

CheesyLeek · 29/04/2025 20:08

Where on earth do you live that you can’t buy a 3 bed for 310?

Anywhere near me.

MummyShah369 · 30/04/2025 06:55

BakelikeBertha · 29/04/2025 23:17

People frequently moan about the 'Boomers' who were all able to buy their own homes, had it easy, blah, blah! However, a lot of us were prepared to buy somewhere that was perhaps out of our area a bit, or places you had to do up, or somewhere tiny to just get on the ladder. We bought second hand furniture, and thought all our Christmas's had come at once, if were lucky enough to be offered a second hand washing machine, fridge, or cooker. Now it seems that while so many moan about how hard it all is, no one seems prepared to go without anything, or put up with discomfort of any sort, in order to get where they want to be. Everyone WANTS to buy the house that suits them, and furnish it with brand new stuff, often turning up their nose at the offer of something second hand, but that is the way that a lot of 'Boomers' managed to get on the ladder.

I'm afraid your attitude in response to all the suggestions people have made, makes me mad OP, as you don't seem prepared to suffer even the tiniest hardship, or inconvenience in order to get what you want. Why is that?

When I split from my DH, I moved from a large 4 bedroomed detached house, was used to having a new car every couple of years, and had plenty of spare cash for holidays etc., as he was a high earner. I suddenly found myself, with no job, (I'd been a SAHM) no skills, and no credit score. I got myself a part time job, as it was all I could get. Proved I was good at it, and was offered full time after a few weeks, which I gratefully accepted, even though I didn't like the job much. When the family home had been sold, I got a relatively small lump sum to use as a deposit, and with the help of a mortgage, I was in a position to buy an old, two bedroom house, in a cheap area, that needed EVERYTHING doing to it. My best friend came round to have a look when I got the key, and almost had kittens, asking me what on earth I was thinking buying a place like that. However, over a period of a few weeks, a lot of determination, and doing DIY most nights until 10pm, after a full day at work, I finally had one room which was decorated and cosy. My teenage child and I, lived in that house, while I continued to work all day, and do DIY every night, gradually making that poor little house into a home. I was absolutely terrified of taking on a mortgage on my own, but knew that as long as I was careful, I could pay that and the bills, and keep my child fed and clothed, and that was all that mattered to me.

Now, I am back to living in a large 4 bed house, have a new car, and am happily married to a wonderful man. Which just goes to show that if you're prepared to put yourself out and work hard, instead of whinging and feeling sorry for yourself, you CAN, get the things you want. So please stop moaning and feeling sorry for yourself, and do what you have to, to get where you want to be.

Well considering that you had no SEN children and things worked out I think you are a lucky duck… you are clueless about OPs circumstances and it feels as though you want to glorify your own ego not sure how this is even helpful!

Zanatdy · 30/04/2025 06:55

Your only option is a 2 bed and you take a sofa bed in the lounge. Or shared ownership. I’d personally do the lounge. I have had to rent for many years but finally able to buy next year 250 miles away, been waiting for youngest DC to go to uni. Fortunately for me I can change my location and keep same role, and I have family in the vicinity, though I won’t be living really close to family, but 1hr away at most. In your case i’d get a 2 bed and a sofa bed.

Summer2025 · 30/04/2025 06:55

femfemlicious · 30/04/2025 06:49

The longer you wait, the more prices increase unless you are going to earn a lot more. Its a very bad idea to wait for a partner to buy with!. Even if you manage to get one, What if the relationship breaks down after you buy?. There a no knights in shiny armor coming to save you. You are better off getting shared ownership.

House prices in the se aren't going to increase a lot. This doesn't mean it will become more affordable for OP because whether you can buy is based a lot on your circumstances and if her earnings don't keep up with inflation she may not be able to buy anything bigger even if prices fall. But buying something unsuitable isn't a good idea in today's market.

Summer2025 · 30/04/2025 07:01

Childmaintenanceq1 · 30/04/2025 05:27

im kind of lost for words here, I’ll keep most thoughts on this to myself and just say…you have no idea of any of the hardships I’ve been through, I’m entitled to want to best going forward. I’m not asking for a mansion, just a 3 bed semi. It’s reasonable ask imo.

I am sorry but I think a 3 bed semi is a luxury in london and most good parts of the SE. We also have 130k equity, bought in London in our 20s and even on a 121k household income we will never be able to live in anything bigger than a 2 bed flat. Dh got a vasectomy when I was 6 months pregnant with first & only child partly to ensure that we wouldn't end up sleeping on mattresses (his parents had 3 kids in a 1 bed flat) in a single bedroom which was what his family situation circa 1989 to 1997 was.

Childmaintenanceq1 · 30/04/2025 07:02

Leafy74 · 30/04/2025 06:16

I may have missed it but what is your current situation and previous situation and what did you get in the divorce?

That’s my situation as it is…that’s what I have. Stated in the original post.

OP posts:
eone · 30/04/2025 07:07

Find a good mortgage broker and check mortgage options with them. Much better than bank and have access to many good deals and options. When we were buying our bank wanted to lend us much smaller sum than mortgage broker said we could borrow. That was with excellent credit score etc.

HomeTheatreSystem · 30/04/2025 07:08

Have you been to a mortgage broker? They might be able to get you a better deal. Or I'd buy a house that I could afford in a different area and rent where I am. At least you'd have a foot on the ladder and options down the line once you're no longer tied to the kids' schools and providing them each with a bedroom. Just an idea.

Childmaintenanceq1 · 30/04/2025 07:08

eone · 30/04/2025 07:07

Find a good mortgage broker and check mortgage options with them. Much better than bank and have access to many good deals and options. When we were buying our bank wanted to lend us much smaller sum than mortgage broker said we could borrow. That was with excellent credit score etc.

I’ll approach a mortgage broker thank you.

OP posts:
OneAgileTraybake · 30/04/2025 07:08

CheesyLeek · 29/04/2025 20:08

Where on earth do you live that you can’t buy a 3 bed for 310?

I’m in Essex (border of London side, not Suffolk side!) and I couldn’t even get a 2 bed flat for that 😂

FedupofArsenalgame · 30/04/2025 07:10

MellowPinkDeer · 30/04/2025 05:39

Takes longer from billericay / Brentwood than Chelmsford! But no, nothing in those places for that money , unless (gasp) Basildon?

Really. How do you work that out? 35 mins from Billericay to Liv Stt.

Not too sure about some of Basildon at £310k either.

Jc2001 · 30/04/2025 07:11

CheesyLeek · 29/04/2025 20:08

Where on earth do you live that you can’t buy a 3 bed for 310?

Ptetty much the whole of the South East

MellowPinkDeer · 30/04/2025 07:12

FedupofArsenalgame · 30/04/2025 07:10

Really. How do you work that out? 35 mins from Billericay to Liv Stt.

Not too sure about some of Basildon at £310k either.

Edited

It’s also 35 minutes from Chelmsford because doesn’t stop between Shenfield and Stratford. Every-time I’ve gone from Brentwood it’s taken longer as stops more!

FedupofArsenalgame · 30/04/2025 07:16

MellowPinkDeer · 30/04/2025 07:12

It’s also 35 minutes from Chelmsford because doesn’t stop between Shenfield and Stratford. Every-time I’ve gone from Brentwood it’s taken longer as stops more!

Ah I see. Nor do the Billericay trains They go Billericay, Shenfield ( the 2 places I stated, didn't mention Brentwood tbh) then Stratford and Liv St

Might be possible for house in Chelmsford around that price?

MellowPinkDeer · 30/04/2025 07:20

FedupofArsenalgame · 30/04/2025 07:16

Ah I see. Nor do the Billericay trains They go Billericay, Shenfield ( the 2 places I stated, didn't mention Brentwood tbh) then Stratford and Liv St

Might be possible for house in Chelmsford around that price?

Edited

yes , and even more so one more stop along at witham.

edited to add we looked at billericay but the house prices don’t really reflect that you don’t actually get into London quicker and it’s defo not going to work for the OP.

camelfinger · 30/04/2025 07:22

I don’t want to be horrible but a 3 bed property in the south east on one normal salary has never been realistic for many years. Everyone I know in a similar position either rents or owns a flat. It will probably get harder as there are lots of flats being built and very few family homes on the market. If 3 bed homes were reasonably priced there are plenty of people who would beat you to it, that’s the thing with a market. I think you have to compromise on something OP, it’s not going to get any easier.

Lilly11a · 30/04/2025 07:26

I don't think the op wants solutions, they just want some sympathy. You are correct that no one in your position would be able to buy a 3 bed semi .

There is no short term answer if

  1. You re a single earning household with no significant pay rises or windfalls coming
  2. It must be in X area
  3. Won't do shared ownership
  4. Won't or can't partition off part of the lounge ( which I did ) and put up short term with lack of downstairs space
  5. Kids won't share ( which I did before option 4)
  6. Once older one is 16 , build a garden office ( which I ve just done )

If all of those choices are untenable you are choosing to rent

Leafy74 · 30/04/2025 07:28

Childmaintenanceq1 · 30/04/2025 07:02

That’s my situation as it is…that’s what I have. Stated in the original post.

Sorry if I didn't make it clear.
Where are you currently living and what happened to the marital home?

Childmaintenanceq1 · 30/04/2025 07:30

Leafy74 · 30/04/2025 07:28

Sorry if I didn't make it clear.
Where are you currently living and what happened to the marital home?

I’m renting, he has marital home. It’s also not suitable in my eyes. (That’s a whole other thread)

OP posts:
Childmaintenanceq1 · 30/04/2025 07:34

My wage will increase, I’ve just had a promotion so if I work hard over the next year or so I reckon I could move up again and hopefully reach the 60+ mark. Things are feeling a bit brighter this morning after a nights rest (they usually do don’t they?) thank you all for your support, I shall continue ploughing on and hopefully things will work out. I’ll contact a broker and see if I can get a bit more.
also there's little to no flats in my town I keep forgetting to mention that as people have said it…and they are usually more expensive which is odd. But anyway. Thank you ☺️

OP posts:
FedupofArsenalgame · 30/04/2025 07:36

BakelikeBertha · 29/04/2025 23:17

People frequently moan about the 'Boomers' who were all able to buy their own homes, had it easy, blah, blah! However, a lot of us were prepared to buy somewhere that was perhaps out of our area a bit, or places you had to do up, or somewhere tiny to just get on the ladder. We bought second hand furniture, and thought all our Christmas's had come at once, if were lucky enough to be offered a second hand washing machine, fridge, or cooker. Now it seems that while so many moan about how hard it all is, no one seems prepared to go without anything, or put up with discomfort of any sort, in order to get where they want to be. Everyone WANTS to buy the house that suits them, and furnish it with brand new stuff, often turning up their nose at the offer of something second hand, but that is the way that a lot of 'Boomers' managed to get on the ladder.

I'm afraid your attitude in response to all the suggestions people have made, makes me mad OP, as you don't seem prepared to suffer even the tiniest hardship, or inconvenience in order to get what you want. Why is that?

When I split from my DH, I moved from a large 4 bedroomed detached house, was used to having a new car every couple of years, and had plenty of spare cash for holidays etc., as he was a high earner. I suddenly found myself, with no job, (I'd been a SAHM) no skills, and no credit score. I got myself a part time job, as it was all I could get. Proved I was good at it, and was offered full time after a few weeks, which I gratefully accepted, even though I didn't like the job much. When the family home had been sold, I got a relatively small lump sum to use as a deposit, and with the help of a mortgage, I was in a position to buy an old, two bedroom house, in a cheap area, that needed EVERYTHING doing to it. My best friend came round to have a look when I got the key, and almost had kittens, asking me what on earth I was thinking buying a place like that. However, over a period of a few weeks, a lot of determination, and doing DIY most nights until 10pm, after a full day at work, I finally had one room which was decorated and cosy. My teenage child and I, lived in that house, while I continued to work all day, and do DIY every night, gradually making that poor little house into a home. I was absolutely terrified of taking on a mortgage on my own, but knew that as long as I was careful, I could pay that and the bills, and keep my child fed and clothed, and that was all that mattered to me.

Now, I am back to living in a large 4 bed house, have a new car, and am happily married to a wonderful man. Which just goes to show that if you're prepared to put yourself out and work hard, instead of whinging and feeling sorry for yourself, you CAN, get the things you want. So please stop moaning and feeling sorry for yourself, and do what you have to, to get where you want to be.

Well you seem to have fallen on your feet TWICE marrying men that can provide the 4 bed house and new car especially the first time when you weren't working. Lucky you. Not everyone is in that situation

And people DO quite happily buy stuff secondhand or get for free. Neither mine nor my kids houses have much " new " stuff in. All inherited, bought cheaply, upcycled etc

Hall84 · 30/04/2025 07:38

Do you receive any child maintenance? I think you can use this as 'income' during the affordability checks. I'm a little earlier in the process so trying to sell the marital home whilst I live with my parents. (We wanted to avoid DD moving schools) I earn the same as you, am the same age and without a broker am looking at a mortgage of ~£190k. There isn't as much equity in our house so realistically am looking at a budget of ~£240. I'm going to speak to a broker once the house is sold but it's soul destroying sometimes to think that even a 'good' wage on paper won't allow me to buy a modest home for us. Good luck.