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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I’ll never be able to afford to buy on my own…

151 replies

Childmaintenanceq1 · 29/04/2025 20:07

Age 40…divorced
earn 50k…
I have approx 130 cash
bank will lend me 180 🙄 and that’s not even for sure…

So that’s max price of 310…there’s nothing in my area even close to that, I need 3 beds as I have two dc…bloody hell!

I thought that I was in a good position…obviously not!…just having a moan.

OP posts:
GivenUpOnSleep · 29/04/2025 21:57

If you have a good credit history, stable job and minimal/ no childcare costs given the ages of your children, you should be able to borrow more than the 3.5 times salary you have quoted, especially as you have a decent deposit to reduce the lender’s risk.

Speak to a decent mortgage broker and you should be able to borrow another £50-£100k.

FedupofArsenalgame · 29/04/2025 22:05

MellowPinkDeer · 29/04/2025 20:54

Braintree , Maldon, witham or Colchester maybe ?? But not really the good bits, no. I sold my 3 bed 2 years ago for £525k.

I was more thinking shenfield, Billericay that bit. Within decent London commute I suppose

minnienono · 29/04/2025 22:10

Unless you are in London or immediate area there are properties out there. Here it’s expensive but 3 beds are available for £300k if you are willing to move 10 miles or so outside of the city so cheaper commuter towns. Might not be ideal but sometimes we all have to move

Dweetfidilove · 29/04/2025 22:23

Childmaintenanceq1 · 29/04/2025 20:44

Is rather not say where I am, sorry, I know people are trying to make me feel better and help but I have looked at all options believe me. My only real option for now is to stay out and save if I can or find a new partner to buy with…easier said than done 🤣

I know this is said in jest, but it's really sad that a woman with a good job and large deposit would need a partner to buy a property that suits very basic requirements.

This is how so many get stuck in absolutely awful relationships, terrified of leaving for uncertain pastures.

I'm sorry I have no useful advice, but hope everything works out for you and your children 💐.

greenose · 29/04/2025 22:27

Buy a two bed but separate the biggest room into two bedrooms with a stud wall. Can be done very easily and cheaply

Halfemptyhalfling · 29/04/2025 22:33

Can you hold on until your youngest starts secondary and then move to a cheaper area?

Abigaillovesholidays · 29/04/2025 22:34

It's really difficult, prices in my area are ridiculous for someone buying on their own. It's either a huge comprise with location or a flat.
You should be able to borrow more than that though.

Ph3 · 29/04/2025 22:38

@Childmaintenanceq1 I’m sorry OP! I completely get it. We were in an incredibly expensive area (all for the grammar schools) and the house we were in was so incredibly overpriced for what it was - I ended up resenting it! I’m sorry OP.

BakelikeBertha · 29/04/2025 23:17

People frequently moan about the 'Boomers' who were all able to buy their own homes, had it easy, blah, blah! However, a lot of us were prepared to buy somewhere that was perhaps out of our area a bit, or places you had to do up, or somewhere tiny to just get on the ladder. We bought second hand furniture, and thought all our Christmas's had come at once, if were lucky enough to be offered a second hand washing machine, fridge, or cooker. Now it seems that while so many moan about how hard it all is, no one seems prepared to go without anything, or put up with discomfort of any sort, in order to get where they want to be. Everyone WANTS to buy the house that suits them, and furnish it with brand new stuff, often turning up their nose at the offer of something second hand, but that is the way that a lot of 'Boomers' managed to get on the ladder.

I'm afraid your attitude in response to all the suggestions people have made, makes me mad OP, as you don't seem prepared to suffer even the tiniest hardship, or inconvenience in order to get what you want. Why is that?

When I split from my DH, I moved from a large 4 bedroomed detached house, was used to having a new car every couple of years, and had plenty of spare cash for holidays etc., as he was a high earner. I suddenly found myself, with no job, (I'd been a SAHM) no skills, and no credit score. I got myself a part time job, as it was all I could get. Proved I was good at it, and was offered full time after a few weeks, which I gratefully accepted, even though I didn't like the job much. When the family home had been sold, I got a relatively small lump sum to use as a deposit, and with the help of a mortgage, I was in a position to buy an old, two bedroom house, in a cheap area, that needed EVERYTHING doing to it. My best friend came round to have a look when I got the key, and almost had kittens, asking me what on earth I was thinking buying a place like that. However, over a period of a few weeks, a lot of determination, and doing DIY most nights until 10pm, after a full day at work, I finally had one room which was decorated and cosy. My teenage child and I, lived in that house, while I continued to work all day, and do DIY every night, gradually making that poor little house into a home. I was absolutely terrified of taking on a mortgage on my own, but knew that as long as I was careful, I could pay that and the bills, and keep my child fed and clothed, and that was all that mattered to me.

Now, I am back to living in a large 4 bed house, have a new car, and am happily married to a wonderful man. Which just goes to show that if you're prepared to put yourself out and work hard, instead of whinging and feeling sorry for yourself, you CAN, get the things you want. So please stop moaning and feeling sorry for yourself, and do what you have to, to get where you want to be.

kirinm · 29/04/2025 23:23

A 3-bed house in my area costs £1,2m! My first 1 bed flat cost £390k. London is obviously expensive but so are lots of other places. I assume that’s the majority of the country.

GivenUpOnSleep · 29/04/2025 23:37

BakelikeBertha · 29/04/2025 23:17

People frequently moan about the 'Boomers' who were all able to buy their own homes, had it easy, blah, blah! However, a lot of us were prepared to buy somewhere that was perhaps out of our area a bit, or places you had to do up, or somewhere tiny to just get on the ladder. We bought second hand furniture, and thought all our Christmas's had come at once, if were lucky enough to be offered a second hand washing machine, fridge, or cooker. Now it seems that while so many moan about how hard it all is, no one seems prepared to go without anything, or put up with discomfort of any sort, in order to get where they want to be. Everyone WANTS to buy the house that suits them, and furnish it with brand new stuff, often turning up their nose at the offer of something second hand, but that is the way that a lot of 'Boomers' managed to get on the ladder.

I'm afraid your attitude in response to all the suggestions people have made, makes me mad OP, as you don't seem prepared to suffer even the tiniest hardship, or inconvenience in order to get what you want. Why is that?

When I split from my DH, I moved from a large 4 bedroomed detached house, was used to having a new car every couple of years, and had plenty of spare cash for holidays etc., as he was a high earner. I suddenly found myself, with no job, (I'd been a SAHM) no skills, and no credit score. I got myself a part time job, as it was all I could get. Proved I was good at it, and was offered full time after a few weeks, which I gratefully accepted, even though I didn't like the job much. When the family home had been sold, I got a relatively small lump sum to use as a deposit, and with the help of a mortgage, I was in a position to buy an old, two bedroom house, in a cheap area, that needed EVERYTHING doing to it. My best friend came round to have a look when I got the key, and almost had kittens, asking me what on earth I was thinking buying a place like that. However, over a period of a few weeks, a lot of determination, and doing DIY most nights until 10pm, after a full day at work, I finally had one room which was decorated and cosy. My teenage child and I, lived in that house, while I continued to work all day, and do DIY every night, gradually making that poor little house into a home. I was absolutely terrified of taking on a mortgage on my own, but knew that as long as I was careful, I could pay that and the bills, and keep my child fed and clothed, and that was all that mattered to me.

Now, I am back to living in a large 4 bed house, have a new car, and am happily married to a wonderful man. Which just goes to show that if you're prepared to put yourself out and work hard, instead of whinging and feeling sorry for yourself, you CAN, get the things you want. So please stop moaning and feeling sorry for yourself, and do what you have to, to get where you want to be.

Clueless.

Childmaintenanceq1 · 30/04/2025 05:22

Halfemptyhalfling · 29/04/2025 22:33

Can you hold on until your youngest starts secondary and then move to a cheaper area?

When my youngest starts secondary my eldest will be sitting exams…not a good time to move. I’m stuck in this area because of their schools, my work is 15-20mins away which means I can commute and collect within afterschool times. No need for any other childcare. Their dad is in he area too…they need to be close to him. Most of my family are here too. Moving area wouldn’t work logistically unfortunately (and it wouldn’t make a HUGE difference price wise either to be fair I reckon.

OP posts:
Childmaintenanceq1 · 30/04/2025 05:27

BakelikeBertha · 29/04/2025 23:17

People frequently moan about the 'Boomers' who were all able to buy their own homes, had it easy, blah, blah! However, a lot of us were prepared to buy somewhere that was perhaps out of our area a bit, or places you had to do up, or somewhere tiny to just get on the ladder. We bought second hand furniture, and thought all our Christmas's had come at once, if were lucky enough to be offered a second hand washing machine, fridge, or cooker. Now it seems that while so many moan about how hard it all is, no one seems prepared to go without anything, or put up with discomfort of any sort, in order to get where they want to be. Everyone WANTS to buy the house that suits them, and furnish it with brand new stuff, often turning up their nose at the offer of something second hand, but that is the way that a lot of 'Boomers' managed to get on the ladder.

I'm afraid your attitude in response to all the suggestions people have made, makes me mad OP, as you don't seem prepared to suffer even the tiniest hardship, or inconvenience in order to get what you want. Why is that?

When I split from my DH, I moved from a large 4 bedroomed detached house, was used to having a new car every couple of years, and had plenty of spare cash for holidays etc., as he was a high earner. I suddenly found myself, with no job, (I'd been a SAHM) no skills, and no credit score. I got myself a part time job, as it was all I could get. Proved I was good at it, and was offered full time after a few weeks, which I gratefully accepted, even though I didn't like the job much. When the family home had been sold, I got a relatively small lump sum to use as a deposit, and with the help of a mortgage, I was in a position to buy an old, two bedroom house, in a cheap area, that needed EVERYTHING doing to it. My best friend came round to have a look when I got the key, and almost had kittens, asking me what on earth I was thinking buying a place like that. However, over a period of a few weeks, a lot of determination, and doing DIY most nights until 10pm, after a full day at work, I finally had one room which was decorated and cosy. My teenage child and I, lived in that house, while I continued to work all day, and do DIY every night, gradually making that poor little house into a home. I was absolutely terrified of taking on a mortgage on my own, but knew that as long as I was careful, I could pay that and the bills, and keep my child fed and clothed, and that was all that mattered to me.

Now, I am back to living in a large 4 bed house, have a new car, and am happily married to a wonderful man. Which just goes to show that if you're prepared to put yourself out and work hard, instead of whinging and feeling sorry for yourself, you CAN, get the things you want. So please stop moaning and feeling sorry for yourself, and do what you have to, to get where you want to be.

im kind of lost for words here, I’ll keep most thoughts on this to myself and just say…you have no idea of any of the hardships I’ve been through, I’m entitled to want to best going forward. I’m not asking for a mansion, just a 3 bed semi. It’s reasonable ask imo.

OP posts:
MayaPinion · 30/04/2025 05:30

Can you get a two bed with a living room that could be used as a bedroom? Or a two bed with a dodgy loft conversion?

MellowPinkDeer · 30/04/2025 05:39

FedupofArsenalgame · 29/04/2025 22:05

I was more thinking shenfield, Billericay that bit. Within decent London commute I suppose

Takes longer from billericay / Brentwood than Chelmsford! But no, nothing in those places for that money , unless (gasp) Basildon?

GreenFressia · 30/04/2025 05:39

I did shared ownership. Bought in 2016 before the last growth in prices. A lot of it is timing- you can easily get priced out, if wages don't grow but property does. Unfortunately I think we are just about to enter another one of those stages, or will in the next few years.

Childmaintenanceq1 · 30/04/2025 05:50

MayaPinion · 30/04/2025 05:30

Can you get a two bed with a living room that could be used as a bedroom? Or a two bed with a dodgy loft conversion?

Nothing of that description on the market right now…

OP posts:
Leafy74 · 30/04/2025 06:16

I may have missed it but what is your current situation and previous situation and what did you get in the divorce?

Superhansrantowindsor · 30/04/2025 06:23

I think you should buy something even if it’s temporary as renting is dead money really. I’d get a two bed and sleep on a sofa bed personally if I couldn’t convert the loft or a garage. Far from ideal but if that’s all you can afford then that’s it. I can’t afford to live in my home town in the type of house I wanted so I have moved very far away. I understand that isn’t an option for you so compromise- massive compromise- needs to be made elsewhere.

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 30/04/2025 06:30

Could you buy something smaller or in a cheaper area and rent it out long term until kids have left school, and then stay where you are in the meantime, using that rent to pay yours? I know it's a bit risky bieng a landlord but at least you would have your investment in place.

Secretsquirels · 30/04/2025 06:33

Generally, property prices increase faster than wages, and renting is dead money so now is a good time to buy even if it’s hard.

I think that if you want to buy you’re going to need to think outside the box. A couple of options might be:

Buy with someone else (family member?) who is using their portion as an investment

Ask a family member to loan you some extra deposit money, and live frugally for a couple of years while you repay.

Buy one of the seaside flats and rent it, stay in rented yourself. Overpay the seaside flat mortgage and resell in a couple of years which will increase your deposit amount.

Ask work for a pay rise and then re-do the calculation

Get a second job for six months and then re-do the calculation.

Go and see a good mortgage broker and explain the problem. Be open to their suggestions.

Look at the affordability criteria they are using to calculate the maximum mortgage and challenge that or change your life up a bit to make it work better.

Look at a longer mortgage term.

Look at shared ownership.

Look at a 2 bed property with a loft that you could convert or extend and get a quote for the work. You might need to sleep in the lounge for a year to make this happen.

Wannabegreenfingers · 30/04/2025 06:39

SE here. I had to compromise on area. I had the same deposit as you and borrowed 200k on a lower income than you. The amount you can borrow seems low.

I live in a 2+1, so you access the 3rd bedroom through the 2nd, but each child has their own double bedroom. My home is classed as a starter home by estate agents, but it's mine. I don't have the luxury of the detached family home with a garage and a large garden.

Rewis · 30/04/2025 06:41

I'm suprised that you are able to get such a a small loan with your income and savings. Have you spoken to more banks? I got an mortgage offer that was higher eventhough I have less savings and smaller income. The monthly payments were still doable.

Summer2025 · 30/04/2025 06:42

Childmaintenanceq1 · 29/04/2025 20:07

Age 40…divorced
earn 50k…
I have approx 130 cash
bank will lend me 180 🙄 and that’s not even for sure…

So that’s max price of 310…there’s nothing in my area even close to that, I need 3 beds as I have two dc…bloody hell!

I thought that I was in a good position…obviously not!…just having a moan.

3 bed maisonette?

I once viewed a 2 bed house (second bedroom was a box room too) where the parents slept in the conservatory and the two boys used the box room as a playroom!

femfemlicious · 30/04/2025 06:45

Bestfadeplans · 29/04/2025 20:24

Not sure where you are, but I do feel really sorry for people that can't get on the ladder. In my area you can buy a 2 bed for 70k and 3 for 90k.

Where is this please?. Is the area OK to live in. Are there jobs?. Looking for where to move to.