Getting riled up at DH

[Hilltongum]

Hi all😃 I’ll try to make it this as brief as possible but forgive me if I don’t manage it. A while ago my wedding ring started to get damaged and I was worried that it would fall off my hand/go missing so my husband decided to keep it somewhere safe until we would decide to get it fixed. During this time I carried on as normal and didn’t think too much into it, of course I care about my wedding ring but it just completely left my mind and we also have other things going on in our lives also financially we weren’t able to afford an exact replacement or replica without it affecting our other expenses. Now and then my husband would bring it up and one time he even said he was thinking of buying me a completely new one. Then sometime ago he told me he couldn’t find the ring anymore, I was surprised as he had supposedly kept it safe for me and I was really shocked that he’d lost it. But I didn’t let it bother me and once again carried on as normal. Then very recently, I was at the shops and thought of buying my husband some alcohol as he likes to sometimes drink it chilled. I got to the till and the cashier basically refuses to sell it to me as I apparently look underage. obviously I was low-key flattered but a bit miffed as I am certainly not underage but I didn’t have any ID on me so didn’t end up getting it in the end. When I told my husband what happened he started overreacting and went back to the shop to try and confront the cashier (who thankfully must have left or something - so there was no drama that occurred) but DH then proceeded to say that it was my fault that it happened because I didn’t have my wedding ring on and that’s why he “disrespected me”. He then started to bang on about how I haven’t had my ring on for ages (okay, granted I just totally forgot to look into getting it fixed) but I would have made arrangements but I’ve just a lot going on and it’s genuinely not been in my mind at all. So out of spite he then took his ring off so that he could “feel what I was feeling” or whatever it was he said. I got really upset and started shouting at him saying “why did you take it off out of spite?” That’s what really upset me, because at the end of the day, rings can go missing or get stolen etc so it’s not what makes a marriage, but obviously it’s still an important symbol. Was his reaction fair? Was my shouting uncalled for? I’m not a shouty person at all but he just got me so riled up!

Ok. I mean I can understand if he thinks you don’t care about it so perhaps a chat, a search, and a replacement?

He sounds like a control freak. He's lost your ring if he was bothered he should have got it repaired when you first took it off. As for confronting the cashier I wish I'd have been working in the shop he'd have got short shrift. He's a twat and I'm sure it's not the first time he's behaved like that.
For what it's worth I can't wear my wedding ring due to arthritis, dh bought me a stainless steel replacement that I can only wear when my hands are warm as it needs to be quite big to get over my knuckle so is prone to falling off if it's cold.
Dh never questions it. We have been married 43 years and ring, no ring makes no difference.

This is a weird post. Why couldn't you look after the ring? Why was he insistent he had to?
Has he sold ring as he needed money?

No he didn’t insist to look after it, I think he offered and that was it. Why would he sell it?

I have no idea why he would sell it - hidden debt, gambling issue. It seemed a bit strange as your initial post made it sound like he had to be the one to keep hold of it.
Why couldn't you put it somewhere safe? I don't understand why he was looking after your ring, like you are a child who can't look after things.

It is also bizarre him wanting to 'confront' a shop assistant for doing their job.

It sounds very much like he wants to play the big man.

How can you get it fixed if he lost it?

He lost it, he owed you another.

None of thai makes sense

A broken wedding ring that was obviously extremely cheaply made?
Some gambling debt!

Who knows. Just seems strange he was looking after it and not his wife - my husband decided to keep it somewhere safe.
Sounds rather controlling.

That is gaslighting. Basically, start making exit plans it’s only going to get worse. He’s obviously a bully as he bullied the shop assistant.

the cashier was insulting him by assuming that I’m underage (this really gets under his skin as it’s not the first time something like that has happened at a shop)

it’s not the first time , so you look young , so it’s bonkers for him to get angry with any shop worker ? It will happen again and getting angry is not a normal reaction, poor shop girl

the whole argument is weird and ott

id not want to be married to someone who flips out over nothing

Several issues here, I think. Firstly the ring was given to your husband for safe keeping after it became damaged, and you kept forgetting to get the ring fixed. Your husband has sporadically reminded you, but still the ring hadn't been fixed. The fact your husband has reminded you, should have been an indication that he wanted you to take the ring to be fixed. You then get asked for ID in a shop, presumably by a male shop assistant, and your husband has taken this as him 'hitting' on you, and blames the fact you weren't wearing your wedding ring. Your husband went back to the shop to confront the shop assistant, who thankfully wasn't there. This is a complete overreaction on your husband's part, and he'd have made a complete fool of himself, as well as probably being arrested for being aggressive. Wearing a wedding ring doesn't stop you from being ID'ed. The shop assistant was doing his job, and it was zero to do with 'hitting' on you. Clearly he sees you wearing your ring, as very important, and because in his eyes you haven't bothered to fix it, he is feeling insecure. Now it appears he's lost the ring! So you can't fix it or wearing it, even if you wanted too. You both need a calm conversation. If the ring can't be found, then buy another, if it is found, then get it fixed. Your husband needs to understand that his behaviour regarding the shop assistant is unacceptable, and irrational.

This is so weird, the fact that your ring got so damaged, that he looked after it, that he got angry because you got ID’d.

It’s all very game playing, and you played your part beautifully by doing exactly what he wanted and getting upset when he took his ring off.

You have kids in this relationship dynamic?

Then he is an idiot.

Our wedding rings are randomly on and off all the time. Fat fingers or psoriasis etc. Neither of us thinks the other doesn’t care.

I’m thinking he doesn’t like her not wearing a ring because he likes others to know she is married and that is fucked up.

But she got upset and angry when he took his off, so for them it clearly matters to her that he wants to wear hi. However, she can take it off and forget about it and he’s the arse.

if you are fine with your husband removing his ring, then simply forgetting about it, that’s fine. It’s clear neither the op nor her husband are

I go shopping with my DH 3 very young children and my wedding ring on and get ID constantly!! I’m 30 this year! Makes no difference if you have a wedding ring on!

Reading the OP’s comments on this post makes me feel a bit like I’m going mad.