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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting riled up at DH

91 replies

Hilltongum · 29/04/2025 17:54

Hi all😃 I’ll try to make it this as brief as possible but forgive me if I don’t manage it. A while ago my wedding ring started to get damaged and I was worried that it would fall off my hand/go missing so my husband decided to keep it somewhere safe until we would decide to get it fixed. During this time I carried on as normal and didn’t think too much into it, of course I care about my wedding ring but it just completely left my mind and we also have other things going on in our lives also financially we weren’t able to afford an exact replacement or replica without it affecting our other expenses. Now and then my husband would bring it up and one time he even said he was thinking of buying me a completely new one. Then sometime ago he told me he couldn’t find the ring anymore, I was surprised as he had supposedly kept it safe for me and I was really shocked that he’d lost it. But I didn’t let it bother me and once again carried on as normal. Then very recently, I was at the shops and thought of buying my husband some alcohol as he likes to sometimes drink it chilled. I got to the till and the cashier basically refuses to sell it to me as I apparently look underage. obviously I was low-key flattered but a bit miffed as I am certainly not underage but I didn’t have any ID on me so didn’t end up getting it in the end. When I told my husband what happened he started overreacting and went back to the shop to try and confront the cashier (who thankfully must have left or something - so there was no drama that occurred) but DH then proceeded to say that it was my fault that it happened because I didn’t have my wedding ring on and that’s why he “disrespected me”. He then started to bang on about how I haven’t had my ring on for ages (okay, granted I just totally forgot to look into getting it fixed) but I would have made arrangements but I’ve just a lot going on and it’s genuinely not been in my mind at all. So out of spite he then took his ring off so that he could “feel what I was feeling” or whatever it was he said. I got really upset and started shouting at him saying “why did you take it off out of spite?” That’s what really upset me, because at the end of the day, rings can go missing or get stolen etc so it’s not what makes a marriage, but obviously it’s still an important symbol. Was his reaction fair? Was my shouting uncalled for? I’m not a shouty person at all but he just got me so riled up!

OP posts:
Finallydoingit24 · 29/04/2025 18:31

Did you literally not just say to him “you lost my ring”?
Also idk maybe because I’m not married but i literally never clock whether people are wearing wedding rings. It wouldn’t occur to me to guess someone’s age based on whether they were wearing a ring.

Shitmonger · 29/04/2025 18:31

HuffleMyPuffle · 29/04/2025 18:20

There's been a few of these rambly, paragraphs paragraphless posts recently

Show quote history

Usually it’s because they’re using speech
to text instead of typing. It creates these big blocks unless they edit it.

At least OP’s is readable. Some of them are word salad, especially with some accents.

MereNoelle · 29/04/2025 18:31

So he’s lost your ring yet is annoyed that you’re not wearing your ring? Is he always so dim?

nomas · 29/04/2025 18:42

Why didn’t you just tell I can’t wear the fucking ring because you lost it?

GabriellaMontez · 29/04/2025 18:44

Honestly, he is a toxic bully.

Shitmonger · 29/04/2025 18:44

Hilltongum · 29/04/2025 18:24

i don’t understand how it went missing as he’d kept it in one place and suddenly it wasn’t there anymore .

Show quote history

Do you know this for yourself or are you just taking his word for it?

If he’s just telling you all this and never said where he was keeping it or anything then I think he’s just being a massive bellend and hasn’t lost it at all. He just wants to see you get upset about it because he’s miffed that you didn’t get it fixed right away. But you didn’t get upset about it being “lost,” so now he’s more miffed about it.

How did you react when he mentioned getting you a new ring? Not fussed one way or the other? I’m wondering if he was fishing to see if you wanted a new one and that’s why you weren’t getting the old one fixed. If you didn’t act interested then perhaps he came to the conclusion that you don’t want to wear a ring anymore and is now spiraling.

I don’t personally think it’s a divorceable offence. It sounds like the symbolism of the rings is really important to him and you not wearing yours or seeming to care has been weighing on him. You both need to communicate better though as he’s not telling you why he’s upset and you’re not telling him why you don’t care about fixing the ring.

Original poster
Hilltongum · 29/04/2025 18:51

Shitmonger · 29/04/2025 18:44

Do you know this for yourself or are you just taking his word for it?

If he’s just telling you all this and never said where he was keeping it or anything then I think he’s just being a massive bellend and hasn’t lost it at all. He just wants to see you get upset about it because he’s miffed that you didn’t get it fixed right away. But you didn’t get upset about it being “lost,” so now he’s more miffed about it.

How did you react when he mentioned getting you a new ring? Not fussed one way or the other? I’m wondering if he was fishing to see if you wanted a new one and that’s why you weren’t getting the old one fixed. If you didn’t act interested then perhaps he came to the conclusion that you don’t want to wear a ring anymore and is now spiraling.

I don’t personally think it’s a divorceable offence. It sounds like the symbolism of the rings is really important to him and you not wearing yours or seeming to care has been weighing on him. You both need to communicate better though as he’s not telling you why he’s upset and you’re not telling him why you don’t care about fixing the ring.

Show quote history

Yes I think the symbol of a wedding ring is very important to him and it’s also important to me too, but I don’t understand why he only brings it up at random times and all the other times he’ll never bring it up. If he was so upset over it then he could have sat me down for a proper chat or something ? Anyways, I know where he’d kept the ring because I recall taking it off and giving to him, and I saw where he put it. But then to hear that it was no longer there is surprising. I even checked myself and it vanished.

OP posts:
steff13 · 29/04/2025 18:52

He went to "confront" the cashier for refusing to sell you alcohol? That is crazy behavior.

Original poster
Hilltongum · 29/04/2025 18:52

Shitmonger · 29/04/2025 18:44

Do you know this for yourself or are you just taking his word for it?

If he’s just telling you all this and never said where he was keeping it or anything then I think he’s just being a massive bellend and hasn’t lost it at all. He just wants to see you get upset about it because he’s miffed that you didn’t get it fixed right away. But you didn’t get upset about it being “lost,” so now he’s more miffed about it.

How did you react when he mentioned getting you a new ring? Not fussed one way or the other? I’m wondering if he was fishing to see if you wanted a new one and that’s why you weren’t getting the old one fixed. If you didn’t act interested then perhaps he came to the conclusion that you don’t want to wear a ring anymore and is now spiraling.

I don’t personally think it’s a divorceable offence. It sounds like the symbolism of the rings is really important to him and you not wearing yours or seeming to care has been weighing on him. You both need to communicate better though as he’s not telling you why he’s upset and you’re not telling him why you don’t care about fixing the ring.

Show quote history

Also with regards to me “not caring about fixing the ring”, I’m unsure why it wasn’t more of a priority. I guess perhaps it’s showing that I’m not too fussed about material things, but I guess it’s something for me to learn from too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hilltongum · 29/04/2025 18:54

steff13 · 29/04/2025 18:52

He went to "confront" the cashier for refusing to sell you alcohol? That is crazy behavior.

Well, in his opinion, the cashier was insulting him by assuming that I’m underage (this really gets under his skin as it’s not the first time something like that has happened at a shop). I don’t see the correlation

OP posts:
MereNoelle · 29/04/2025 18:55

Hilltongum · 29/04/2025 18:54

Well, in his opinion, the cashier was insulting him by assuming that I’m underage (this really gets under his skin as it’s not the first time something like that has happened at a shop). I don’t see the correlation

Show quote history

Insulting him? Honestly your partner doesn’t sound very… sane?

Finallydoingit24 · 29/04/2025 18:56

Hilltongum · 29/04/2025 18:54

Well, in his opinion, the cashier was insulting him by assuming that I’m underage (this really gets under his skin as it’s not the first time something like that has happened at a shop). I don’t see the correlation

Show quote history

Was he there at the time? How would the cashier even know who the husband of some random customer is?
Your husband sounds unhinged and you don’t sound much better so you sound well suited.

steff13 · 29/04/2025 18:57

Hilltongum · 29/04/2025 18:54

Well, in his opinion, the cashier was insulting him by assuming that I’m underage (this really gets under his skin as it’s not the first time something like that has happened at a shop). I don’t see the correlation

Show quote history

So, what, he thinks the cashier was implying that he's a pedophile or something? I think that makes it sound more crazy not less crazy.

TheMimsy · 29/04/2025 18:58

Hilltongum · 29/04/2025 18:54

Well, in his opinion, the cashier was insulting him by assuming that I’m underage (this really gets under his skin as it’s not the first time something like that has happened at a shop). I don’t see the correlation

Show quote history

Is there a big age gap between you both? How old are you both? The age thing bothering him is weird.

Original poster
Hilltongum · 29/04/2025 18:59

MereNoelle · 29/04/2025 18:55

Insulting him? Honestly your partner doesn’t sound very… sane?

Show quote history

When I say “insulting him” obviously not directly, but he feels disrespected because he thinks I’m being disrpected. I’m only sharing his opinion, I think it’s absurd too because having a wedding ring doesn’t mean you’ll be exempt from certain laws but my husband doesn’t seem to understand that for some reason.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hilltongum · 29/04/2025 19:00

Finallydoingit24 · 29/04/2025 18:56

Was he there at the time? How would the cashier even know who the husband of some random customer is?
Your husband sounds unhinged and you don’t sound much better so you sound well suited.

Show quote history

Charming

OP posts:
Endofyear · 29/04/2025 19:00

How are you supposed to be wearing your ring if he's lost it? Why doesn't he just buy you a new one if he wants you to wear your ring. Honestly, what a lot of drama about nothing!

I've been married 35 years, don't wear a wedding ring as fingers swelled during pregnancy and just never put it back on. Not even sure where it is now, must be in the house somewhere! DH doesn't wear one either. We both know we're married and that's all that matters 😌

MereNoelle · 29/04/2025 19:01

I don’t think people can understand why you didn’t just say ‘I can’t wear my ring because you lost it’?

Original poster
Hilltongum · 29/04/2025 19:01

Endofyear · 29/04/2025 19:00

How are you supposed to be wearing your ring if he's lost it? Why doesn't he just buy you a new one if he wants you to wear your ring. Honestly, what a lot of drama about nothing!

I've been married 35 years, don't wear a wedding ring as fingers swelled during pregnancy and just never put it back on. Not even sure where it is now, must be in the house somewhere! DH doesn't wear one either. We both know we're married and that's all that matters 😌

Exactly. I’m sure you not putting it back on was just something that happened and life continued. It didn’t mean that you don’t care or whatever. sighs

OP posts:
Finallydoingit24 · 29/04/2025 19:01

Hilltongum · 29/04/2025 19:00

Charming

Show quote history

Well I mean you did ask 🤷‍♀️ You sound like you quite like him being like this and your post also comes across as a brag that you got IDd

Original poster
Hilltongum · 29/04/2025 19:03

Finallydoingit24 · 29/04/2025 19:01

Well I mean you did ask 🤷‍♀️ You sound like you quite like him being like this and your post also comes across as a brag that you got IDd

Show quote history

I’m not bragging about being ID’d, I’m just explaining what led to the events. Should I have left that part out so that people won’t think I’m bragging?

OP posts:
Finallydoingit24 · 29/04/2025 19:03

Hilltongum · 29/04/2025 19:03

I’m not bragging about being ID’d, I’m just explaining what led to the events. Should I have left that part out so that people won’t think I’m bragging?

Show quote history

No but your weird acceptance of your DH acting like an unhinged nutter is off

Sunshineandblueskysalltheway · 29/04/2025 19:04

'after he put it somewhere he then said he couldn’t find it anymore.'

He's lying and this was planned. It's going to get worse if you stay with him.

Anyway, do you really want to be married to the guy who threatens shop workers?

Original poster
Hilltongum · 29/04/2025 19:04

Finallydoingit24 · 29/04/2025 19:03

No but your weird acceptance of your DH acting like an unhinged nutter is off

Show quote history

What makes you think that I accept it?

OP posts:
Newmumhere40 · 29/04/2025 19:04

Hilltongum · 29/04/2025 17:54

Hi all😃 I’ll try to make it this as brief as possible but forgive me if I don’t manage it. A while ago my wedding ring started to get damaged and I was worried that it would fall off my hand/go missing so my husband decided to keep it somewhere safe until we would decide to get it fixed. During this time I carried on as normal and didn’t think too much into it, of course I care about my wedding ring but it just completely left my mind and we also have other things going on in our lives also financially we weren’t able to afford an exact replacement or replica without it affecting our other expenses. Now and then my husband would bring it up and one time he even said he was thinking of buying me a completely new one. Then sometime ago he told me he couldn’t find the ring anymore, I was surprised as he had supposedly kept it safe for me and I was really shocked that he’d lost it. But I didn’t let it bother me and once again carried on as normal. Then very recently, I was at the shops and thought of buying my husband some alcohol as he likes to sometimes drink it chilled. I got to the till and the cashier basically refuses to sell it to me as I apparently look underage. obviously I was low-key flattered but a bit miffed as I am certainly not underage but I didn’t have any ID on me so didn’t end up getting it in the end. When I told my husband what happened he started overreacting and went back to the shop to try and confront the cashier (who thankfully must have left or something - so there was no drama that occurred) but DH then proceeded to say that it was my fault that it happened because I didn’t have my wedding ring on and that’s why he “disrespected me”. He then started to bang on about how I haven’t had my ring on for ages (okay, granted I just totally forgot to look into getting it fixed) but I would have made arrangements but I’ve just a lot going on and it’s genuinely not been in my mind at all. So out of spite he then took his ring off so that he could “feel what I was feeling” or whatever it was he said. I got really upset and started shouting at him saying “why did you take it off out of spite?” That’s what really upset me, because at the end of the day, rings can go missing or get stolen etc so it’s not what makes a marriage, but obviously it’s still an important symbol. Was his reaction fair? Was my shouting uncalled for? I’m not a shouty person at all but he just got me so riled up!

Read over what you write. This makes no sense whatsoever....

He told you he lost the ring and then got annoyed at you for not having it?! 🙄