Worried about the spiraling costs of attending wedding

[naomiy]

My childhood best friend is getting married next spring and the costs involved with attending are already started to scare me financially.
Its at a rural location, involves any overnight stay the night before. Early morning wedding, so not practical to get there "on the morning". Need to be there the night before, realistically speaking. I don't drive atm (health issue). So would involve hiring a taxi. The location is near a forest, about 40 miles from where I live. Gorgeous place but a pain to reach without own transport... No public transport links. No other guests are able to offer lift as all will have their cars full.
Then there's the cost of an outfit, gift and getting home in a taxi. I'm guessing it would be at least £500 :( I'm a single parent, low income and really worried. Opting out of the wedding isn't an option. She's my best friend and I know she'd be at mine (if I were to ever marry).

Nobody else is going to notice or care where you’re staying.

Uber varies all the time. Might be different in an hour lol. I've had high quotes, waited 10 mins and searched again and it's been a much more reasonable price

Ask a friend to take you there. I would for a friend

taxi home or taxi to train station and train home depending where location is

You’re definitely looking for issues!!! Taxi to the venue and go home afterwards or travel lodge as people have said.
Wear a dress from your cupboard, don’t buy a new one.

Starting to wonder if OP was hinting for MNers to send her a tenner each to get her to the £500 she wants to spend.

I’d be willing to bet this best friend who you know would be at your wedding, will be pregnant or with young child and won’t be able to leave them when your big day does actually come.. Or little baby Bobby will be car sick so she just can’t make it. Or new hubby’s step sister’s step sister will have her wedding on the same day and she won’t be able to come to yours because they’re “family”.

Don’t mean to be a downer but best friends usually don’t reciprocate when push comes to shove. How many times do you see it on here? postrrs all cut up because a best friend turned out to be not as committed. To be honest if my best friend couldn’t afford to get to my wedding I’d pay or wouldn’t have such an inconvenient wedding. I want my people to enjoy my wedding not go broke and have to make cut backs on household essentials like some pp suggested!

Who cares what other people think? If you want to stay at the Premier Inn, go for it! I'm a big fan of PI by the way 😁

Taxi there and back on the same day (no hotel cost), second hand outfit, you have a year to source from charity shop or Vinted, gift can be nominal, charity shops may come up trumps for a quirky gift which doesn’t scream cheap.

Yeah I've stayed in a few Perfectly ok for a nights sleep

Do you want to go?

You don't want to go? Don't go. Just send your apologies. It's obviously too much for you.

If you have to get a taxi there and back there’s no point also getting a hotel. You can get a taxi at whatever time, and sleep in your own bed. Example 7am taxi there and 1am taxi home.
Thats the only expense.

Gift not necessary.. explain to friend the taxi is costing loads. Reuse or borrow and outfit. A £20 for drinks, I’m sure some will be provided and you don’t need to drink loads (bring a cheeky hip flask!).
So if it’s £90 each way that’s £200 altogether.
If you can pay that then go and if you can’t .. you can’t. But £500 does not seem correct.

I would be honest with the friend upfront about the cost worrying you and see if anything can be done to mitigate it.

Wear something you already own for a start. Dress codes have relaxed a lot since covid. It doesn't have to be new/posh. It has always perplexed me why people buy so much new clothing.

Ask her if someone can fit you in their car. It seems unlikely that all guests will have their cars filled, given that an ordinary car seats 5 people - ask the bride for help.

Do you have parents that you could ask to help you out with the bill for accommodation?

Can you ask if you can help the bride with something in lieu of a gift?

If she's your best friend, it isn't going to be news to her that you are a single parent on a low income. So ask her about the above.

Guests are staying at the venue... I'd be the odd one out if looking elsewhere for a Premier Inn

Guests sound like they have got more money than you! Be the odd one out rather than spend money you don't have!

Surely your friend knows you are a skint single parent? You can't drive so have to get a taxi there and back anyway. Surely it's cheaper to just do that (even if one is a bit late) than book any sort of hotel-venue or Premier Inn?

Small present
Wear something you already own or buy a dress from Vinted for £10.

Do you not own any clothes?
Give her a card with a home made voucher for a meal out at a later date to spread gift cost.

Sorry, if that's your view then you are the author of your own misfortune.

Who cares? It's your attendance at the ceremony/reception that matters NOT where you are staying.

Hugs - because it is a bit rubbish. You've got health issues, you can't drive, presumably no plus 1, you're on a budget and the tiredness of being a single mum. It's a bum deal.
You can't trip along with ease and without financial worry.
However, agree with others that you're putting up barriers.
Reset. Do you want to be there? If yes then accept it has to be in a different way to others. Kick and scream now to us at how it isn't fair (and rightly so) but then get planning. Leaving at 10pm for a prebooked taxi to a local cheap bnb is going to be it. You're not going to be up til you drop and tripping up the stairs to your room.

I agree with those that say there is no need to stay the night before or after and that your outfit and gift don’t need to cost the earth either.

I think if you live in an area with Uber you get do used to the convenience and what is a fairly cheap ride somewhere. If you then visit somewhere that doesn’t have Uber, it can be a shock. Including the non-availability of taxis at certain times.

It's in a year's time and everyone is already certain that there won't be one single place in a car to take you there?

Yes, this. My reception was in the next village which is quite rural but has good train and road connections. I advised everyone in the invitation info sheet to book a taxi in advance if they are not driving or going on public transport, but some still didn't and thought they would just be able to order one. They did get one in the end but it was a long wait and avoidable.

This. DH drives 40 miles each way to work every day. Absolutely no need to stay over the night before! Taxi will probably cost about £100-£120 total. Although like others have said, a Premier Inn or Travelodge would probably cost the same for one night! Wear something you already have or buy off Vinted. Around £50 for wedding gift.

I would say - with a few drinks - you could get away with spending £200 max (or I just wouldn't drink if I was that skint).

Not sure where the £500 is coming from?!

You don’t need a new outfit. Bung £50 in a card and then it’s just the cost of a taxi there and back. You can get early taxis. Call around a few companies and ask for quotes.

Could a friend or family member who aren't attending take and pick you up and you give them petrol money? I know it's controversial but Shein has loads of cheap wedding guest dresses. And as far as a gift goes, maybe £20 in a card? My best friend recently got married and I'd say I've spent around £800 on hen parties, wedding night, make up etc. so I know it can be a dear do!

Weddings seem like a big deal at the time but I honestly can’t remember what my best friends wore to mine, where they stayed or what time they turned up/left. The bride will be caught up in a whirlwind and I promise you spending hundreds of extra pounds won’t make a difference to her day.