Worried about the spiraling costs of attending wedding

[naomiy]

My childhood best friend is getting married next spring and the costs involved with attending are already started to scare me financially.
Its at a rural location, involves any overnight stay the night before. Early morning wedding, so not practical to get there "on the morning". Need to be there the night before, realistically speaking. I don't drive atm (health issue). So would involve hiring a taxi. The location is near a forest, about 40 miles from where I live. Gorgeous place but a pain to reach without own transport... No public transport links. No other guests are able to offer lift as all will have their cars full.
Then there's the cost of an outfit, gift and getting home in a taxi. I'm guessing it would be at least £500 :( I'm a single parent, low income and really worried. Opting out of the wedding isn't an option. She's my best friend and I know she'd be at mine (if I were to ever marry).

* It's* at a rural location, involves any overnight stay the night before. Early morning wedding, so not practical to get there "on the morning". Need to be there the night before, realistically speaking

What time is the 'early morning' wedding?

What's more important looking the odd one out (noone will care) or affording life?!

I'd definitely just get taxi there and back. Sounds like you have a bit if FOMO over not staying but its not worth stressing and over stretching yourself for one night.

The important is that you are there for your friends wedding.

I’ve rarely bought I new outfit for a wedding, it’s not compulsory. It’s fine to stay at the Premier Inn.

You are a single mum OP?

Just say you cannot afford it. If she's any kind of friend she will understand.

All these weddings where people who pay the earth to attend are bullshit anyway when most will get divorced down the line anyway.

Put that money into a savings account for you and your child.

COL is no joke.

Unless you missed a digit and 40 was meant to say 400 then it does sound like a fuss over nothing. A taxi would be a decent amount but an option there and back on the day. It really is fine to stay elsewhere if you want to. No skin of anyone else's nose.

Another one who just thinks you’re making excuses not to go. Just be honest and say you can’t be bothered @naomiy

People these days (and by that I mean women) seem to make their weddings as impractical and expensive as they possibly can for guests. I just don't get it. I'd rather have a knees up in the village hall where friends and loved ones could easily reach rather than concentrate on perfect photo opportunities.

Public transport to the nearest/cheapest town with a travel lodge.
You don’t have to stay close to the venue - a 15 min über ride away perhaps?

How early is the ceremony? You should just go on the day.

We have absolutely no idea what kind of wedding this is. OP has just said a "rural location" which happens to be a bit difficult for her without a car. Could easily be village church and the hall next to it.

There's no suggestion this one is anything awkward or unreasonable or style over substance.

I’ve been to plenty of weddings where lots of guests stayed at the venue and others stayed in nearby hotels for various reasons, so I wouldn’t let that bother you.
As others have suggested, vinted is a great option for an outfit - maybe choose a brand that you’re familiar with so you know what size you are (although this time of year you should be able to sell on anyway)
And finally - since she’s your best friend she may know what you’re up against financially so shouldn’t be expecting an expensive gift. Maybe you could offer to help out with some of the wedding decorations or something.

Vinted for a dress or Shein - I got an Everpretty bridesmaid dress from Shein for £20 (same as being sold in Next etc for £80)

Nice card off Etsy with a note shoved in

Ask her to ask family and friends if anyone has any space in the car for you

Book a taxi early and book your way back for cheaper price - assuming she and her bridal party will be at the venue early with makeup artist /photographer etc so if you're a little early it's nbd

I wouldn't bother feeling guilty trying to keep up, you're just a guest not bridal party (if she's having that type of wedding?)

Do you REALLY deep down want to go at all? Is the pressure of "keeping up with other guests" worrying you? Will you be on your own or with a +1?

TBH if I had to travel on my own and be on my own I'd be reluctant too, especially if funds were tight. I know I can talk to others but may not know them very well, and/or they will probably be coupled up, so I'd feel like a lemon!

Are thoughts like that going through your head OP? If so I don't blame you one bit.

Anyway, if you do decide to go, definitely opt for a taxi from the nearest public transport stop and back. So what if you have to leave early in the morning to get there on time. That'll do the trick and no overnights. Don't worry about anyone else, they won't care. Would you care if some guests didn't stay over? Of course you wouldn't and Bridie shouldn't put any pressure on you to do so either - if she is..

Let me tell you a story: My best friend now lives in heaven. She was VERY ill at the time of my wedding and she came and we made it work - she didn't come for as long as she otherwise would, she brought carers with her, she took up space with medical stuff, and aside from her being well enough to come without all that stuff, I wouldn't have had it any other way! Your situation is obviously no where near as emotional as that, but my point is this - if you care about your friend and she cares about you, she'll be thrilled you are there and you'll be thrilled you are there, if it has to be for a shorter time, with a handmade present and an outfit you already have, neither of you will care. If you can't do that because you think she will disapprove of you for not doing what everyone else does and spending what everyone else spends, then she isn't much of a friend and it probably won't matter to her that you aren't there.

Something’s gotta give, right? You can’t afford it yet you can’t not attend so your only choice is to make it cheaper.

Unless this is a thread designed to spur outrage and other stories of expensive weddings?

If it's 40 miles away can you get a train most of the way and a taxi for the last bit, leaving very early on the morning of the wedding?
Or does another guest have a sofa bed or similar you could sleep on the night before?
You don't need a new outfit. Either tart up something you already have or look in charity shops or borrow from a friend.
The important thing as you say yourself is being there. Just make it happen however you can.

And so...?

I think that a 40 mile taxi ride may cost more than £50, especially if it’s somewhere with no public transport. But even so, I agree it would probably be cheaper than staying over, especially if OP doesn’t have an alternative way to get there.

As a principle though I do agree with @naomiythat the price of both holding wedding celebrations and attending as a guest are becoming outrageous. Especially if one is included in the hen or stag party.

Champagne lifestyle can not be had on lemonade money.

PS: peer pressure shouldn't push you into bad financial decisions.

Taxi on the day, a real friend would understand. Look at the public transport options even if only part way.

Why do you need a new outfit

What about everyone using a bus? Rather than having multiple drivers - hire a mini van together?

It sounds like you are assuming that no one will be able to give you a lift. Have you actually asked? Have you checked how all the other guests are travelling? I find it hard to believe that every car will have 5/6/7 people in them. Ask your friend to ask around for you if you don't know the other guests. It may be that sharing a room is a possibility too, but you won't know until you've asked.
You don't need a new outfit, wear something you've got, go charity shop shopping or borrow something.

I think you’re overthinking this.

You can find a dress on Vinted for £10.

A wedding gift can be £20-30 in a card. You can get afternoons tea gift cards for 2 for £30 in some shops which would be a nice gift.

”Early morning wedding” no one is getting married at 5am, surely the weddings more likely 9/10/11am which means you could just wake up at 6am, get ready and a taxi to arrive in time.

Taxi on the way home maybe £100 in total?

All In could cost you £130-150