Worried about the spiraling costs of attending wedding

[naomiy]

My childhood best friend is getting married next spring and the costs involved with attending are already started to scare me financially.
Its at a rural location, involves any overnight stay the night before. Early morning wedding, so not practical to get there "on the morning". Need to be there the night before, realistically speaking. I don't drive atm (health issue). So would involve hiring a taxi. The location is near a forest, about 40 miles from where I live. Gorgeous place but a pain to reach without own transport... No public transport links. No other guests are able to offer lift as all will have their cars full.
Then there's the cost of an outfit, gift and getting home in a taxi. I'm guessing it would be at least £500 :( I'm a single parent, low income and really worried. Opting out of the wedding isn't an option. She's my best friend and I know she'd be at mine (if I were to ever marry).

Also if you want to be frugal, one of our guests made us a lovely framed design of our wedding date, time etc and put it in a frame from wilko - probably cost £5 but it was one of my favourite gifts, we still keep it in our living room now.

We've had a ridiculously expensive outlay for DNeice wedding.
Dress for me (had put on weight). £50
Kilt hire for DH (his no longer fitted) £50
Outfit for DS (growing like bean pole) £50.
*Diesel for 1000 mile round trip £180.
*Ferry for 3 people and car, including return £60.
Family room in hotel for 2 nights £500.
Restaurant bill for non catered meals £90.
Drinks ???
Gift £50.

*travel costs we're so high because there's no airport on the Scottish island where DNeice lives.

We do it because we love our family and like to see them when we have the chance.

Well as all the guests are staying at a hotel I don't think it's unreasonable to assume that the hotel is the venue. Either way, this is one of many many posts about the ridiculous cost of attending weddings (and hen do's) so I think I've made a valid point.

Taxi there and back instead of hotel £150
outfit Vinted £50 (dress, shoes, bag)
gift £50

You can’t afford what they can afford

she’s being ridiculous and not going IS very much an option.

It's only 40 miles from your house, an hour one way. Can one of your friends who isn't a guest give you a lift? Maybe have one of your parents/ friends that knows your situation, come down for a few days, look after your children while you are there, but also give you a lift to and from?

I know plenty of my friends would do this for me, especially with plenty of notice.

Think outside the box with an outfit etc. Plenty of good ideas in the thread.

Also, considering you have time... can you save 50 quid a month every month to soften the blow? Hopefully you won't have to spend anywhere near this much - I never would on someone else's wedding! - but at least you'll feel calmer about it.

I agree, look for an outfit on Vinted. Both my mother of the groom outfits came from there!

Who will know where you're staying?? Come on OP. you don't want to go and are making some very silly excuses

so what? If you can't afford it, then you have a choice - explore other options or don't go. You said she's a dear friend so why would you do that?

I'm sorry this is causing you worry but you're being ridiculous.

I'm staying the Premier Inn when my brother gets married in October. I could stay at the venue, but they're being a pain and realistically, I know as well as travel and outfits for five adults, it's going to be expensive, so it's a compromise.

Could you use public transport and get a taxi from a location closer to the venue

I assume that the taxi is from the hotel to the venue, which is why it’s so cheap.

So how are you getting to the hotel?

Could you get public transport on the morning as close as you can and then a taxi for the rest of the way?

You’ll save money on the hotel by just leaving early in the morning.

I would also ask a friend or family member if they would take you for petrol money, which will still work out cheaper.

I would get the outfit second hand too.

Uber in my area does 40 miles for £50. More for antisocial hours.

So? If she's a decent friend she will understand you have a budget!

Get a gift and outfit from vinted. Plenty of brand new things with tags on.

I had guests at my wedding stay in a nearby cheaper hotel, I didn't think anything of it.

That sounds like too much common sense

Charity shop dress

taxi there and back same day

token gift

Definitely Vinted for an outfit.
Have you got ANYONE who can give you a lift ?
How early is the wedding ? Surely not before 11 ?
You do have nearly a year.

Taxis in my area are more like £2.20/mile, more at antisocial times.

Why are you bothered being the odd one out? I thought the concern was finances?

Can you carpool with someone?

Ask your friend if anyone in the wedding party can offer you a lift.

UBer drivers would kill for that rate.

Ha.. we don't have uber yet.

Edited to add: I tell a lie. Just checked the add and we do now have uber! But I also checked the cost of a 40 mile journey and it is £88, so the same as all the other taxis round here

Definitely wear something you’ve already got.

Could you gift a service, e.g. to give her a massage/pedicure/wash her car/clean her home whilst she’s on honeymoon/something she hates doing, etc? Or could you team up with others to contribute a smaller amount to one joint, larger, quality gift?

Is there anybody you could taxi share with?

On a general note, the cost of hen dos and weddings worries me too, so I empathise. Good luck with it all 😊

I would taxi there and back on the day. Or treat yourself to staying the night before so you can have a little peace before the wedding too. As for gifts - I just gave my best friend 20 euros in a nice card towards their honeymoon. If they are a good friend they won't be fussed if you didn't spend a lot on a wedding gift, just being there is enough xx