AIBU to think there must be something wrong?

[Warmerdays]

Have you ever come across anyone who is so so unpleasant, so rude, so disrespectful that you start to feel genuinely worried about them and think they must have some un-diagnosed issue? My SIL has always been “savage” shall we say. She does not seem to have any self awareness, doesn’t seem to recognise when she is being disrespectful, cant see that her actions have consequences, her attitude has been getting worse and worse towards family and friends and she does not seem to care. She pushed my son out of her way the other day, said “oops” and carried on. She barges her way through people and places and just does not care. Im starting to think menopause? What are some symptoms of a personality disorder? ADHD? Someone cant possibly be so unpleasant without an explanation? Her mother (my mil) is terrified to open her mouth because sil is vile towards her. She lives with her parents, no bf/family/children so no family stresses. I feel like telling her perhaps she should see a Dr as her behaviour is getting worse and worse.

Has she got a job?

Yes she does x

Does it really matter if she has a diagnosis or if she's just a miserable asshole? No, it doesn't. Labels aren't a solution.

The only way to deal with people like that is to refuse to be around them. She has to realize she has a problem and seek help; there is nothing you can do or say that will make her change. If she won't seek help then your only choice is to go no contact for your own mental health.

This HAS to be yet another piss take. It has to be. You’re starting to think menopause? You’re starting to think ADHD and yet you’d be so unaware as to say that with no irony - yeah ok. Did yi aye? 🥱

In which case take a step back. If they are adamant they aren't going to deal with the issue then remove yourself from it.

She just sounds like a spoilt child who knows there are no consequences so is happy to do as she pleases

I have ADHD and don't push small children. It's not a symptom as far as I'm aware FFS 😂 Got to laugh. Sounds like whatever's wrong with her might run in the family, OP

So what was your response when she pushed your son out of her way the other day? Did you request an apology or did you let her get away with it?

It's possible that she simply behaves badly because she's gotten away with it her entire life. Because no-one has ever pulled her up. Your PIL need to grow backbones and kick her out of the nest.

Well, she may well have problems or issues that make behaviour worse, but it soudns liek she's always been rude and entitled and no one has ever stood up to her so she's never had any way of learning that her behaviur is a problem.

@Iloveyoubut No its not, as someone has previously posted they did have a relative with ADHD who became extremely difficult when menopause hit, so it seems it is very possible

“Tbf my sister has adhd and her symptoms got SO much worse now she’s in peri.”

”I have a friend who has adhd, she’s lovely but she talks about herself and her issues all the time, will talk over other people and can be very abrupt and at times rude. She forgets to ask others how they are. She also has no spacial awareness and often bumps into things /stands too close and talks loudly. Shh hee can get overwhelmed and lash out in anger. She showed me her diagnosis and all the things I’ve listed above were mentioned as part of the diagnosis process. Not all people with adhd have those traits but some do.”

It does seem increasingly obvious that she is just horrible though, i suppose i was just trying to find an excuse for it

I wonder how she behaves at work.

Completely agree (and I'm menopausal with ADHD!)

Probably the same way. People like this can be very hard to get rid of at work, as they are expert at lodging vexatious complaints and tying HR up in knots for years with grievance procedures and stalled mediations where they won’t communicate or negotiate or compromise, and accusations and counter-accusations and all sorts. We’ve all encountered them at one point or another in our working lives, I’m sure.

Im not sure, I do know that she did have a group of work colleagues and she came home one evening haven fallen out with them all because they did not include her in a night out or something and remember the drama that came with it all, now I don’t think she has any work colleague friends, i sometimes here her mother complaining that they all went out and left her poor daughter out again.