Why do so many people get married at stately homes?

[diningiswest]

They're expensive, almost always a pig to get to and everything looks the same (gilding, nice gardens, mostly marquee).

And - although I accept that this isn't what most people would think - we're paying our money to the upper classes to keep them lording it over us.

for me it was slightly cheaper than church and hotel function room. I didn't need a car I got ready there. people loved it as no travelling between church and reception. plus as someone else said above food was devine.the hotel did everything food flowers for ceremony and table table setting and table plan. I didn't have to arrange any of that. what I loved about mine too and my older relatives said it to me after the band was in a separate room to the bar there was seating in the bar so anyone that wanted to dance could (most did) but others like older relatives could sit donw and have a chat and drinks with out shouting over the band.

We looked at one a friend had used, the cost was huge.
We decided on a former prison with the reception at our local pub. Food was far superior.

you sound jealous that you cant' afford a stately home more than anything else 😂

I'd love to know your take on luxury hotels in luxury resorts.

This thread really has brought all the bitter and stupid to the yard, I must say.

Maybe because the ‘aristocracy’ have often inherited a responsibility for land, property and employees, and a wedding business helps to keep everything running.

Some hotels may look like stately homes but not many I'd guess.
Stately homes, as others have said, have the beauty, the architecture, the grandeur, the location, the views, the beautiful established gardens, that some people want for their wedding, what's your problem with that?

I'd actually rather give the money to an aristocrat who has branched out into weddings to help finance the upkeep of their stately home, which is usually listed and of national historical importance, than to some consortium running a chain of hotels, likely with foreign investors.

I wouldn't for one second think an aristocrat is "lording it" over me. I met plenty of them in my former career and not one ever made me feel any less than them, even when I was in a very junior position. The same cannot be said for many "self-made" people who became extremely rich without hereditary wealth.

Haha, I was in white and we announced my pregnancy in the wedding speeches. No pretence of being a virgin there! Also, got married in castle grounds, and again I was pretending to be a princess.

How is it a strange way to start a marriage ? how has the venue where they got married got to do with that ? People are free to get married where ever they want.

Er, no. You couldn't be more wrong! In my extended family we all tended to be married from our family home (grandfather's house), which I suppose could be a "stately" home - it's not really - just a private manor house. Church next door.

Personally, I don't like luxury resorts - they're mostly a bit naff. I prefer to borrow a friend's villa, or stay in local hostels when I'm travelling.

Nobody is pretending to be anything by getting married at a stately home. It's just a nice venue, that's all. It's about enjoying a day in luxurious surroundings, not pretending to be an aristocrat. Why is that 'pretending to be something you're not? Why can't a celebration be special?

I'm not married and I have no desire to have a wedding. If I did get married it wouldn't be at a stately home and it would be a very small wedding. But you can bet your bloody life I'd be having it at the very best venue I could afford and I'd be spending my wedding night in the most luxurious hotel imaginable.

My god, there are some absolute joyless fuckers on this site. Heaven forbid anyone should enjoy themselves and be frivolous with all the people they love most in the world, when they could be getting married dressed in a hessian sack and then serving their guests tap water and crisps in an undecorated scout hut.

A few reasons:

You usually get the whole venue, whereas with a hotel you don't. So it's a more personal event, and maybe less stressful because you aren't going to worry that your event is causing noise or inconvenience for other guests.

If you are having a whole day wedding, it's good to have the grounds for guests to get some space and for kids to run around. Hotels don't typically have large grounds (unless they are converted stately homes!)

The buildings can be beautiful and people enjoy being in a beautiful space. I'm not sure your assumption that they are pretending to be "something they are not" is valid. It's more like buying a special outfit for a special occasion - it's special exactly because it's not your everyday.

I wonder if you are assuming "stately homes" is something people look for, when what people actually look for is "wedding venues" , get a list of places that do weddings in their area, and decide which one they like best.

Mostly likely many of them are stately homes because the UK has a lot of them and they make good venues for all those reasons about, but the list might also include breweries, museums, hotels, barns, former schools, golf courses, sailing clubs and many others I haven't thought of. So it's not so much that people are deciding "I want my wedding in a stately home" as they are looking for a venue and finding a stately home is the best fit.

Do you think couples are routinely pretending that the stately home where they get married is their actual house? 😂

I think it’s just about having a celebration in lovely surroundings and making it an enjoyable experience for the guests.

What’s the difference between a ‘private manor house’ and a ‘stately home’?

My god, there are some absolute joyless fuckers on this site. Heaven forbid anyone should enjoy themselves and be frivolous with all the people they love most in the world, when they could be getting married dressed in a hessian sack and then serving their guests tap water and crisps in an undecorated scout hut.

Ha this is so true. There's such a competition to the bottom, and so much inverse snobbery, with people saying that cheap weddings in a pub or village hall are always better blah blah.
I'm happy to say that every wedding I've been to has been pretty expensive, in a lovely venue in beautiful surroundings, with fantastic food and service and lots of luxurious touches. But the couples have, unbelievably to some on here, made their weddings full of love and emotion, incredibly personal and meaningful, I'd challenge anyone to have made their wedding more full of emotion even if it did cost 500 quid with a sausage roll and a pint, which seems to be what people on here think is the ideal.

not pretending to be a princess. Bloody long nails getting in my way !

That’s a weird take on it! Why and what do you think they are pretending to be?

Because it's nice there is now an alternative to a church or a registry office.

It used to be 'a proper big church wedding' or 'just a registry office'. Just because people aren't religious or prepared to pretend to be, doesn't mean they want to celebrate their love in a council office. They want an attractive venue big enough for their friends and family to join them.

Because the rooms are massive and can therefore offer receptions for over 100 guests? I get your point about marquees, it does seem strange to have the wedding somewhere gorgeous and then have the reception in a marquee like you might as well just stick the marquee in the local park , but again need lots of land and permission etc. those venues come with all the options.

I think in life we have to grab every bit of joy we can. Because a lot of life isn’t joy. So if that involves getting married in a stately home, grab it. And getting to feel like a princess for a day is gorgeous and valid.

Literally nobody is pretending they live in the place they get married in. I don't understand what you're talking about.

Our wedding was $80 and was just the two of us, which suited us just fine.

I’ve been to a couple of big weddings at amazing venues which were wonderful and a great time was had by all.

Horses for courses.

perhaps a better way of thinking about it would be what better options are out there if you aren't religious, which the majority of the population aren't?

• park/beach/nature spot - uk weather means you're always risking rain, often no loos or fridges for drinks, wedding party would have to be in charge of putting everything together and packing it away, likelihood of random members of the public staring at you, can't reserve it

• local pub or rugby/football/working man's club - usually not licensed so have to do the actual wedding part somewhere else, varying sizes, often not particularly nicely decorated, not really "special" if it's the local you go to every week anyway

• registry office - opposite problem, if you get married there you'll still have to have the reception somewhere else. often limited on spaces. huge variance in how 'pretty' they are

• at home - again bridal party have to do all the work, most people don't have enough room

if you have decent alternative suggestions with sufficient capacity for the hundreds of thousands of weddings that take place every year in the UK, I'm sure people would love to hear them!

When we were getting married, we were pretty clueless. I asked DH his input on something and he said he didn’t know, he’d never planned a wedding before. Well neither had I. We’d also never planned a dinner for 70 people, let alone the added logistics of a wedding.

So we picked a “cookie-cutter” wedding venue, it wasn’t a stately home because we went to a budget hotel chain which was cheaper. It lacked individuality but the only things we had to decide was who to invite. I didn’t have to piss about with centre pieces - buying 12 bell jars and tree rounds as was popular then and then having to flog them after. Didn’t have to rent chairs or tables, find a caterer or a DJ. I didn’t have to get a relative to keep track of timings and MC for us. We had a church wedding and so I turned up to the hotel, was given a glass of champagne. Someone told me when it was time for the meal. Someone came and found me when the buffet started and even went and got a plate for me as I was busy. Someone made sure to put all the cards in my hotel room, to move my stuff from my getting ready room to the honeymoon suite.

DH’s friends got married at a very scenic place and then a had a reception at a village hall after. Lot of faff with their wedding - had to get the draping people in before the chair people, couldn’t decorate the tables until the tables were in. Had to drive to three different places for entertainment. Bridal party had to go over the morning of the wedding to do last minute things. Their wedding was beautiful and a lot more individual than ours but it was a lot of faff on their friends and family. I personally didn’t want that for my guests but I didn’t want to do it either, so cookie-cutter it is. If we could have afforded a stately home, maybe we’d have done it.

I mean, @Bonbonvanilla makes a valid point. I went to a wedding at Brighton Pavilion once. It was so obvious that the marrying couple were trying to pass themselves off as George IV and one of his fancy women.

David and Victoria Beckham had thrones, but I doubt they thought they were actual royalty.

You are allowed to have a bit of fun on your wedding day.