New partner over 40 grand debt

[Dontwanttobeapinkponygirl]

My daughter has just found out that her very new partner has over £40, 000 of debt. There is nothing to show for the debt. No property, no car. Nothing. Would you advise her to end the relationship, which she’s wanting to do. My instinct is to tell her to run a mile.

Yep

😱😱😱
£40,000 of debt
yes - I’d be telling her to run a mile

Less run a mile, more get in a fast car and go 10 miles!
He may be a lovely chap, but this woud be a no-no for me

Run. Like the wind. To the hills. Don't look back.

She can end the relationship for any reason she wants. Why is she hesitating?

Yes of course. Where’s her self-respect?

If she wants to she should, regardless of what you tell her.

Sorry to say this, but yes. Do you know where the debt came from? Failed business? holidays? addiction of some sort?

Nothing to show for the debt - so he just spends outside his means then?

Yep run, and run very fast.

Been there, done that with an ex, get rid now!

Doesn’t sound a keeper does he.

Yikes.
Does he have a very high paying job?

Run, fast. Sounds a liability. Make sure she keeps an eye on her valuables as well, sounds like a gambling addiction if he doesn’t actually own anything.

How did she find out? Did he volunteer the info?

Just wondering why he would disclose this in a new relationship - is he after money from your daughter?

Run run run. Unless there are very unusual circumstances, he's a spender and will just spend her money instead.

Yes I’d definitely encourage she ends it. This is not a person you’d want a serious relationship with. He’ll be paying that off for a long time, won’t be able to do fun things together or invest for a future/house and may even ask her to pay for things.

And the most worrying part is how he got there - bad money management, lack of self control or worse like drugs or gambling. None are attractive qualities.

Yes but as her mum your advice will probably fall on deaf ears!

It would depend on the nature of the debt and how they're dealing with it

@Dontwanttobeapinkponygirl she already wants to end the relationship so is she holding back?? get rid!

Yes. I could perhaps see past debt that was an obvious consequence of something happening but with no reason and nothing to show for it run for the hills

More context needed. What’s his character like?How did he build up his debt?

I think it depends on that, really.

If he racked up credit card debts on nonsense just to look flashy, then he is an idiot - so yes, run a mile.

But there could be another reason for it? Did he set up a business, invested, worked hard, but it failed?
I know someone who this happened to. His first business failed in his 20s.. but he got back on his feet, took another shot at it and worked really hard and 12 years later has a successful and growing business with 7 full time employees and is very responsible and a lovely guy.

It sounds like you don’t even need to.

She doesn’t need a reason to walk, and I’d say it wouldn’t be for me, but a lot depends on circumstances. For example, where he’s been, is at now, and where he’s going. If he’s been at uni for a few years but spending like he’s earning full-time money, it can happen. It’s £10k a year, which is less than a thousand pounds a month. It’s unimaginable to me but people do do it.

I had a couple of female friends back in the day who were in similar amounts of consumer debt and had bugger all to show for it, they’d just gone too hard on the social life and buying clothes and holidays they couldn’t afford on credit cards - they turned it around. Funnily enough, getting into better paid jobs, being modelled good financial habits by their respective partners and being settled in a household with two incomes coming in was what did it.

Depends if he’s serious and working. Debt consolidation and saving hard on a strategy to get rid of it is a different prospect to being like oh well better apply for another credit card, this one’s maxed.

But if it’s a dealbreaker then it’s a dealbreaker. He’ll maybe sort his shit out then!

I had a similar amount when DP and I got together. I’m glad he didn’t run a mile, I’ve worked really hard and it is nearly all paid off now. It is her choice but I would find out where it is from first. I’d been financially abused (amongst other things) and took out a loan to escape and start again, the only way to avoid the debt would have been to stay.

He’s a nice man. They get on really well and seem really well matched, other than this vital element. He’s no addiction that my daughter knows of, the money has been spent mostly on holidays and from his failed previous relationship. He doesn’t have a single tangible thing that the money went on. To me it has massive red flag written all over it.