New partner over 40 grand debt

[Dontwanttobeapinkponygirl]

My daughter has just found out that her very new partner has over £40, 000 of debt. There is nothing to show for the debt. No property, no car. Nothing. Would you advise her to end the relationship, which she’s wanting to do. My instinct is to tell her to run a mile.

It depends what your dd is looking for really

Someone fun to date - no problem with that surely?

He's not husband/father material though is he, lets face it.

I'd also be concerned he was looking for someone financially solvent to hitch his wagon to going forwards.

That level of debt isn't a red flag in itself. The question is what are his plans to pay off the debt and how realistic are they? Someone earning £250K a year would be able to pay that off relatively quickly if they put their mind to it. Someone on minimum wage would probably struggle to make the minimum payments.

If he has no plan, desire and ability to pay the debt off in a relatively short period (a year or two at most) then she should run a mile. Equally if he intended to declare himself bankrupt to "clear" it, she should end things quickly.

The point being, how he got into this mess is one thing, but it shows who he was. The important thing is how he intends to deal with it, because that shows who he is.

I'd tell her to run a mile

Not sure she would

Personally I would be running a mile. He is at best impulsive and lives beyond his means. Or he has some kind of addiction issues that she does not know about.

Either way I would be moving on as I could not see a future with man.

So he spent £40 grand trying to keep an ex partner happy, and now your poor daughter gets landed with a broke man with no assets. Run a mile.

I am going to go against the grain and say that unless he was asking her to help him pay the debt - I wouldn't see it as any of my business - unless it was accrued through addiction. It is a new relationship - they're not going to be planning on buying a house or anything for a while so I don't see it is any of her concern. My friend met someone who had a massive amount of debt - the issue she had with it was he did not tell her - and it only came to light when they went for a mortgage and it came out then! She was furious about it - not the debt itself but the not telling her when it was relevant.

I'd advise to leave, yes. I think similar attitude to finances are probably fundamental to a successful long term relationship. Only exception that I'd think would be acceptable would be for something like medical treatment for an ill child or something

What is his earnings in relation to 40k, how long will it take him to clear it, does he have kids and how old is he. If 40 k is going to be cleared off by his summer bonus then its not a big deal.

His ex girlfriend could have been coercive, my DHs ex emotionally blackmailed him into buying the expensive handbags and shoes and champagne and threatened to leave him etc if she didnt get what she wanted, then love bombed him etc.

Yes.
She should end the relationship.
But not because of what you say, or anyone on MN says. Importantly, because you’ve mentioned that she wants to.
That is ALWAYS sufficient reason to call off a relationship (even in a no debt situation).

Yes. It's never a good idea to get involved with people who can't manage their finances...it's not going to end well.

So many red flags you could make bunting.

As others have said, debt in particular circumstances isn't such an issue. I once house shared with a lovely man absolutely sinking because he'd helped out his parents after the death of a sibling. He wasn't bad with money, just took on too much in horrible circumstances.

I once had a boyfriend who was like this. Money just slipped through his fingers often on just doing things inefficiently so he ended up paying a premium for things, then high interest on that premium because he didn't restructure it in time etc.

I didn't realise until I left him (and then genuinely had no money and a tiny budget) that life was still so much less stressful.

Yep, I would end it.

Huge red flag.

Gambling or cocaine.

I'd be wary of this man.

Relevant question is is the debt more or less than last month and the months before and by how much, and what will it be in 6 months?