To not want my son to go and play at this boy's house

[PeaGreene]

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but just wanted to talk it through really. Am I being over protective perhaps?

He seems a nice enough kid, if a little overpowering, but has always been pleasant enough with me. They're friends at school. He's been round to ours a couple of times and I've always wanted DS to have friends who live nearby, so I should be jumping at this chance. The boy is desperate for my DS to go and play round there too, but I just don't want DS to go.

I don't entirely trust the parents and I don't like how that makes me feel about myself. They seem to find the boy a complete handful, doesn't sit still, gets bored very easily. He's clearly done some very dangerous things which my DS just would never contemplate. Like cutting the vacuum cable with a pair of scissors. Whilst his mum was vacuuming. Just to see what would happen. And breaking a wall with a sledge hammer because he wanted to use the bricks for something.

I've only met her a couple of times and this does make me Mrs Judgey Pants par excellence, but when they were going today, she really couldn't get him to budge, and I ended up telling him myself to put the game down as it was time to go.

In my eyes, they've been quite lax about their son coming round to ours - didn't make a point of meeting us or checking who was collecting him from the door. the boy phoned us last week to ask if we could give him a lift to DS's birthday party, and when we collected him, he just left the house without his parents coming to see where he was off to. He's 7 by the way.

DS is quite sensible and "good" - not a great adventurer. this boy seems quite the opposite, and maybe DS would handle him and they'd be good for each other... but would I want to leave DS at their house for a couple of hours???? Really not sure I would.

I know they've had a really bad time lately. Health issues, money issues, have lived abroad which didn't work out. So I'm sure that hasn't helped them.

They've got a big dog which I'm sure DS would be scared of. i don't want to play on this cos DS needs to realise not all dogs are evil, but is that my excuse to put DS off?

OK. Tell me. Am I being overly precious?

oh yes they are fine
thank heavens

his mother thinks it's a funny story
oddly I haven't left her alone with ds

Well I think you are all very dull indeed.

I am going to come round and play with this boy. We will probably trip the mains switch and make some potent and terrible noxious soup in your garden shed with petrol.

[happy sigh]

dp also used to collect jars of his urine and keep them to study them

plus tried to carpet the floor of his room gold by sticking hundreds and hundreds of drawing pins in

yes thank god we are dull now 100
I have no desire to have different colour eye balls

For heavens sake, 100x, of course you won't. The shed door is locked, there are dangerous things in there. You may make perfume with the rose petals though.

[prim]

God I've turned into Bree van der camp... Shoot me now.

LOL is your DP called Paris Trout F&Z?

Well yes we always had access to petrol creosote weedkiller, climbed trees, rode bicycles blah de blah it was the seventies.

I feel sad for my DD where we used to climb they have cut all the lower branches off and there are no kids around anymore.

I feel that hundred has the right idea (gawd bless you maam) but doubt I will allow my DD to run around in the ditches when she is 5 like I could.

Sorry there are too many good ole days threads around!

lol @ rose petals.

Agree with CP though. Also, that sort of upbringing does give you a sense of freedom as an adult I think. That's what I worry about for this generation. If we don't let them get the wind in their hair or the petrol out the garden shed - we'll all be living in a religious state in twenty years time, with clean hands and no scissors.

[wild prophetic voice of doom emoticon]

He sounds a bit like a friend of my dd's who came for a sleepover and later turned out to have Asperger's. Which explained (in retrospect) why she had no concept of the consequences of her action and did not understand why her hosts might not take kindly to her attempting to swing, Tarzan-like, from the ceiling lamp. We would have been happy if we'd been told, we would never have discouraged the friendship, but would have kept a closer eye. Which is what I suggest that you do. Invent a hundred reasons why ds and his friend need to play at your house rather than his.

Agree in general principle with ahundredtimes, but not necessarily about this particular child iyswim.

I am fortunate enough to be able to spend summer holidays in Sweden where ds can run wild in true 1950's fashion. Yes, the tool shed is unlocked. And no, he does not take saws to the electric cables. I think it does sound like your ds's friend bears watching.

He

got

a

sledge

hammer.

O

M

G

yanbu - I wouldn't let my kids go round to a house like this.

100xs are you for real? This child could have done serious damage and you think he is spirited?

I wouldnt let my kids go there.

You are NBU - 7 yo need an lement of supervision otherwise they might as well be roaming the streets and given that kind of parenting how do you know they won't. You can choose , if they choose to parent like that that's their lookout but you don't have to allow your DS to be in that kind of safe environment. I have a 7yo DS and he would love a friend like that too I would worry he would get involved because although he knows things like that are wrong if he sees parents condoning it than he'll get the wrong message. About how to tell him i don't know - would like to see if anyone has an answer just in case I find myself in a similar position

I meant un safe environment

Yes, quite real. I get that if his parents are total wash-outs then she shouldn't send him there.

But I am all for children who are a bad influence, do the wrong things, are reckless and stoopid and have consistently bad ideas.

I don't know why you are all so over-excited about the sledgehammer either.

Ngggg. Don't do the eyebrow face. Ngggg.

Why not? It is what I am thinking. It is bloody dangerous what this child has done. There is nothing good about it at all.

No, you just said what you were thinking. Your hmm face doesn't say what you were thinking at all. Unless you were thinking 'hmm' of course, which you weren't.

I did agree earlier on that if OP was unhappy with his parents then she shouldn't send her ds there. But people are so quick to hug their precious ones to them when faced with the kid with a bad idea, or a reckless edge, or indeed a sledgehammer, and I think that's tedious and boring.

Better borning than a dead or injured child imo and I meant to post but seemed slightly less insulting as I am not looking to insult you.

Anyone seen the film 'Son of Rambow'? There's a boy just like this on in the film and he's a lovel boy with wonderful ideasa, but he's just too wild and unsupervised. He befriends a very 'good' boy, and they have a brilliant time (and oh yes, a near death accident). OK it is a film but I can see where 100x is coming from.

Peagreen, I'm with the posters who think the cutting though the electric wire story may not be the entire truth, but can really see what a BAD risk it is.

Any chance you can let your ds go round to this boy's house but also stay with him perhaps take the boys to a park then drop them off and have a cup of tea with the mother. Arrange in advance.

Stay for an hour or less then take your son home. Then you've let your ds round, got to know the family better on home territory and perhaps seen for yourself how much supervision is happening.

If you are still concerned, make no more plans for your ds to visit.

Actually, the bad eggs are usually the most interesting I find. Also he probably is out of control, or has ADD or something. I like those children too. I have quite a lot of them round, and they are usually very nice, and a bit jumpy, and sometimes a bit sad too. Also like the ones who shout and don't look you in the eye. Also like the ones who can't sit down.

What I'm less keen on are the ones who come round and say 'I'm not allowed to do xyz'. They are boring. They always say 'Your ds just said we could go on the garage roof' and then sit back and look smug and hope he'll get into trouble.

I don't think anyone is saying they don't like this child. Just that it isn't okay that he does dangerous things.

I am off out now, so bye for now.

I don't think I am particularly responsible really.

We went on holiday to Cornwall once with another family. And she wouldn't let her children climb the rocks - well the cliff I suppose. She said they had to sit on the picnic blanket. I was a bit fed up with her by this point, and told mine they could.

She said 'What if they hurt themselves?'

and I said 'Well, then they won't try to climb so high next time will they? They will have learnt'

and she said

'If there is a next time' and looked all cloudy. (This was NOT a very successful holiday).