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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why do mums do this?

55 replies

sissygirl23 · 27/04/2025 17:32

Constantly talk about their parenting style, rules and beliefs online? It’s exhausting and so dull. I have no issue with the way anyone parents their own dc, but I just don’t see why they feel the need to tell everyone else about it. The Tik Tok trend of ‘controversial ways we parent’ which never are really controversial, it’s all within the realm of standard parenting. Or ‘things I judge other mums for’ which is just gross.

But even people I know are at it - long winded explanations on instagram stories about how and why they don’t allow their dc screens while eating in public - again, don’t disagree but why do you need to tell everyone your rules? Why do you assume they care? I know someone who is apparently on a one woman mission to educate the entire world about the dangers of forward facing and internet usage in the under 13s. I’ve had to mute her.

Has this always been a thing? Back before social media did mums stop each other in the street to talk about their particular parenting style? Often in a oneupmanship kind of way as well.

With the exception of obvious neglect I really couldn’t give two shits about how others bring up with their own kids. It’s one of many reasons im thinking of coming off social media.

OP posts:
vincettenoir · 27/04/2025 17:37

It’s a good point given that most mums don’t bore on about this when we get together. But I guess some mums are trying to make it as an influencer. Not my cup of tea but if you can make some money out of it then maybe it beats working for a living. Content that is any way controversial gets a lot of hits and that’s what people need if they want to make a few quid.

clarepetal · 27/04/2025 17:39

It's not just mums though is it? It's people posting everything they do. It's the people cleaning that makes me laugh, why the fudge do people want to watch how someone cleans?

sissygirl23 · 27/04/2025 17:41

vincettenoir · 27/04/2025 17:37

It’s a good point given that most mums don’t bore on about this when we get together. But I guess some mums are trying to make it as an influencer. Not my cup of tea but if you can make some money out of it then maybe it beats working for a living. Content that is any way controversial gets a lot of hits and that’s what people need if they want to make a few quid.

None of it is controversial though! It’s just big standard stuff about limiting screen time or breastfeeding or house rules and that sort of stuff. It’s essentially stealth boasting about their parenting style but I can’t imagine why they’d think anyone would be interested.

OP posts:
MyUmberSeal · 27/04/2025 17:41

Because being a mum has become the most rancid , self congratulatory, narcissistic, self admiring, egocentric thing of all. I despair at the drivel that some mums sprout.

NotSafeInTaxis · 27/04/2025 17:42

Most of us don't. Some people are going to talk shite online, be it about kids or dogs or art or politics...it's what they do.

Avoidingfacebookforabit · 27/04/2025 17:43

Yep! Agree.... wholeheartedly. Just get on with it and stop making daft videos about it 🤣

Meadowfinch · 27/04/2025 17:45

I only share that information if asked. And There isn't enough to bore in about.

Werp · 27/04/2025 17:46

…wtf are you doing on a site called mumsnet then?

Maitri108 · 27/04/2025 17:47

Isn't it your algorithm? I'm on Instagram and it's full of women obsessed with cleaning these massive houses. I must have looked at one cleaning video and now I don't see anything else.

minipie · 27/04/2025 17:47

They are just looking for views and likes.

sissygirl23 · 27/04/2025 17:53

Werp · 27/04/2025 17:46

…wtf are you doing on a site called mumsnet then?

Hardly the same is it.

OP posts:
lnks · 27/04/2025 17:57

sissygirl23 · 27/04/2025 17:53

Hardly the same is it.

It kind of is though. You are on a site for mothers criticising the way in which some mothers parent and how that is different to yours.

Devilsmommy · 27/04/2025 18:01

Love that you're posting this on Mumsnet of all places🤣

AbigfanofDogs · 27/04/2025 18:01

People need purpose and maybe these mums feel the need to feel important, listened to, influential and admired to some degree.

All feelings I had when my career went pear shaped and all of a sudden I wanted to dish out lots of unsolicited advice lol

PowerhouseOfTheCell · 27/04/2025 18:01

Wait til you see the US mommy (normal deep MAGA or Mormon) TikTokers proudly talking about spanking or using corporal punishment. Why do you feel the need to tell the world you batter your 3-year-old Confused

vincettenoir · 27/04/2025 18:03

sissygirl23 · 27/04/2025 17:41

None of it is controversial though! It’s just big standard stuff about limiting screen time or breastfeeding or house rules and that sort of stuff. It’s essentially stealth boasting about their parenting style but I can’t imagine why they’d think anyone would be interested.

Any kind of opinions about parenting are emotive, divisive, content. Even when it seems bland enough. Someone will take offence to it.

ginasevern · 27/04/2025 18:07

No they didn't. "Back in the day" you'd have been given a funny look if you talked about parenting styles. There was no such expression. Most people parented their children in a fairly similar way and kids were more or less left to get on with it. They were expected to eat what was served up at meal times and sent out to play at every opportunity. Mums didn't have the time or inclination to make them the centre of their universe. Parenting has become a cult in some circles. Edited to say I think the trend is actually a backward step for women.

lnks · 27/04/2025 18:19

ginasevern · 27/04/2025 18:07

No they didn't. "Back in the day" you'd have been given a funny look if you talked about parenting styles. There was no such expression. Most people parented their children in a fairly similar way and kids were more or less left to get on with it. They were expected to eat what was served up at meal times and sent out to play at every opportunity. Mums didn't have the time or inclination to make them the centre of their universe. Parenting has become a cult in some circles. Edited to say I think the trend is actually a backward step for women.

Edited

I think you don’t really understand the meaning of a cult.

frozendaisy · 27/04/2025 18:21

Go back to looking at what strangers eat then.
Or read.

We all have more computing power in our pockets than there was went we first landed on the moon.

And clearly it was going to revert to humanity’s default, which is porn/or sexual imagery, consumerism and one-upmansship.

Instead of having to go out and about IRL to obtain ego stroking you can create an image online and get approval and superficial adoration.

It’s fascinating.

Middleagedstriker · 27/04/2025 18:22

It used to be books. By people that assume they were the first people to ever have a child. Some of them didn't even need to have ever had a child just looked after other people's children.

The twats online nowadays just want to be famous for famous sake the majority of them are narcissists who believe that they are somehow superior to the rest of us mortal beings.

The only answer is not to go on insta it's all a load wank anyway 😁

Jacarandill · 27/04/2025 18:24

sissygirl23 · 27/04/2025 17:32

Constantly talk about their parenting style, rules and beliefs online? It’s exhausting and so dull. I have no issue with the way anyone parents their own dc, but I just don’t see why they feel the need to tell everyone else about it. The Tik Tok trend of ‘controversial ways we parent’ which never are really controversial, it’s all within the realm of standard parenting. Or ‘things I judge other mums for’ which is just gross.

But even people I know are at it - long winded explanations on instagram stories about how and why they don’t allow their dc screens while eating in public - again, don’t disagree but why do you need to tell everyone your rules? Why do you assume they care? I know someone who is apparently on a one woman mission to educate the entire world about the dangers of forward facing and internet usage in the under 13s. I’ve had to mute her.

Has this always been a thing? Back before social media did mums stop each other in the street to talk about their particular parenting style? Often in a oneupmanship kind of way as well.

With the exception of obvious neglect I really couldn’t give two shits about how others bring up with their own kids. It’s one of many reasons im thinking of coming off social media.

I came off Instagram, Facebook and Tiktok.

Dont miss them in the slightest.

frozendaisy · 27/04/2025 18:26

ginasevern · 27/04/2025 18:07

No they didn't. "Back in the day" you'd have been given a funny look if you talked about parenting styles. There was no such expression. Most people parented their children in a fairly similar way and kids were more or less left to get on with it. They were expected to eat what was served up at meal times and sent out to play at every opportunity. Mums didn't have the time or inclination to make them the centre of their universe. Parenting has become a cult in some circles. Edited to say I think the trend is actually a backward step for women.

Edited

Absolute balls

People have always boasted about their offspring, have you heard of Round Robins? Your annual insert in Christmas cards about how wonderful everyone is doing, a summery of sporting and academic achievements, promotions at work, holiday destinations and house moves!

At least these were people you knew! Or at least knew your address, now you can seek out strangers to fulfil the same function!

Catrionablocke · 27/04/2025 18:29

Mine were born long before sm. You always got the know-all parent at playgroup, nursery, school etc., who thought they were the expert on parenting. Usually their child was the worst behaved. Mostly, people just got on with looking after their children without the need to tell everyone about it.

frozendaisy · 27/04/2025 18:32

It’s not just parenting.

Our last few holidays we have bumped into online creators,

My long suffering family had a full on mum rant last summer after a selfie session by a young couple in front of a Van Gogh painting. I was fuming on so many levels, all explained very articulately over a wine and water.

Hopefully it’s put the teens off social media for life!

ginasevern · 27/04/2025 18:35

lnks · 27/04/2025 18:19

I think you don’t really understand the meaning of a cult.

Well there are various definitions of cult in the dictionary. One of course refers to "religious veneration or devotion directed towards a particular figure or object". Another definition is "a person or thing that has has become very popular, fashionable or a craze with a particular group of people". I think the latter perfectly and succinctly fits the point I was making but if you have better word or phrase please do share.