Why do mums do this?

[sissygirl23]

Constantly talk about their parenting style, rules and beliefs online? It’s exhausting and so dull. I have no issue with the way anyone parents their own dc, but I just don’t see why they feel the need to tell everyone else about it. The Tik Tok trend of ‘controversial ways we parent’ which never are really controversial, it’s all within the realm of standard parenting. Or ‘things I judge other mums for’ which is just gross.

But even people I know are at it - long winded explanations on instagram stories about how and why they don’t allow their dc screens while eating in public - again, don’t disagree but why do you need to tell everyone your rules? Why do you assume they care? I know someone who is apparently on a one woman mission to educate the entire world about the dangers of forward facing and internet usage in the under 13s. I’ve had to mute her.

Has this always been a thing? Back before social media did mums stop each other in the street to talk about their particular parenting style? Often in a oneupmanship kind of way as well.

With the exception of obvious neglect I really couldn’t give two shits about how others bring up with their own kids. It’s one of many reasons im thinking of coming off social media.

I know someone who comments on others' parenting choices when they're at the other end of a table. She's just bloody rude and it does my head in. So holier than thou about it all and bitchy to boot.

I agree with you, especially the fake controversy stuff which is so self congratulatory and unnecessary.

I think some of them make quite a lot of money off it so I guess there’s that. I hate how they monetise their children, how innocent moments become clickbait and traction.

Some of them act like self appointed parenting experts when they’re no more experienced than any of the rest of us!

But then I think, am I just jealous of the success? We’re quite a private family and don’t put our kids on social media at all.

I expect you are much younger than me. I was talking subjectively when I referred to "back in the day" and my childhood in the 1960's. People really didn't write round robins then. They wouldn't have known what on earth that meant. Most ordinary people would've rented a caravan for a week at the seaside for their holidays, so not much to boast about - although to be fair they would've certainly sent a postcard to aunty Gladys and maybe to work. People rarely moved house either and they stayed in their jobs until they retired and got a carriage clock. So not "absolute balls" really.

That isn’t what I’m criticising at all. As I said twice in my op, I don’t care how other people parent. I’m criticising the need to broadcast your choices, I don’t understand the need for it.

And it’s different to MN where you discuss all manner of topics, not just parenting. Although admittedly you do still get people dishing out the advice as if their opinion is factual. But you can actively avoid those threads unlike fb friends who just appear on your timeline with their words of wisdom with no warning. Until you mute them obviously.

I’m more musing about why people choose to do it.

I think prior to sm parenting was a lot more community oriented so people in a community would often parent similarly so there wasn’t really judgement like there is now.

^this! Definitely not just Mums

People love talking about themselves and oversharing online. So many podcasts which aren’t bringing anything new to the table

I disagree.

i remember my mum and her friends discussing the latest advice to minimise gender roles in their children.

who would buy young Kevin a doll. Would an action man do the job? I don’t want him having a Barbie. Jane down the road got an emergency vehicle set for her birthday, it’s supposed to be good for them to play with “boys” toys.

shame we’ve gone backwards.

my mom also remembers a lot of talk about how formula was better, it was more scientific, more hygienic, and you knew baby was getting enough. Discussion around how to suppress your milk supply as well.

also remembering when “hyperactivity” came into general parenting awareness and discussions around which E numbers to be careful of.

also a lot of talk about weight and if you should start your daughter on a diet.

that would be the 70’s.

This is a very well known engagement tactic OP and it’s used in every genre of social media content.

“Controversial make up opinions from a professional make up artist”

”Controversial takes on interior design trends from an expert”

& none of them are controversial. That floods the comments with people saying they agree and/or it isn’t controversial. & some of it is rage baiting.

I don’t know any non influencer who post the long winded Instagram stories you mentioned. None of the Mums I know IRL post anything like that whatsoever.

As for who would be interested in that type of content…you could say that about absolutely anything. Why did you bother making this thread? Why did I bother replying to it? None of it matters & it’s not even very entertaining.

You are right. I don’t think it’s even about entertaining people or being particularly interesting. I suspect they believe their parenting to be superior and they want to broadcast that but in a subtle way that comes across more like advice (to nobody who asked for it) than out and out bragging.

It’s certainly not about disagreeing with other parenting styles. I bf my dc but it’s still annoying as fuck when other people (non influencers i mean) bang on about it to excess on their personal social media.

"Mums" don't do this.

A small minority of people who like to post on Tik Tok and Instagram do this.

Then you choose to watch it.

I mean, I use both those platforms sometimes, but I have never seen that content. The algorithms are strong and you have obviously watched and reacted to them, so you get more of them.

However, it does seem ironic to post this on a site completely built upon Mums connecting and discussing parenting......

Obviously not all mums do it. But it generally is mums as oppose to dads.

It isn’t just Tik Tok, it’s people I know IRL on Facebook and Instagram.

And MN is about a lot more than parenting.

God knows OP.
.I have a 10 month old baby, I joined a few June 24 baby groups on Facebook thinking it would be nice to see other babies the same age growing up and seeing what is normal for babies the same age as mine as she is my first.

FUCK ME! I've never seen such childish behaviour from women who are actually raising child and should be more grown up. The constant crowing about their 'hot takes' and 'controversial opinions' the arguing in the comments, endless posts about their routines and how everything is tracked on apps even nappy changes!

It was mental. I left all of them.

I also work with a woman who we have all nicknamed mother superior because she's so holier than thou all organic blah blah blah as if the rest of us need to be educated.

I don't get it, I find it so childish, it's highschool behaviour which is ridiculous considering they're actually in charge of raising children.

'Back in the day' parent was a noun, not a verb!

So many things about social media aren't going to date well.

I assume the same reason some people have Instagram feeds that document cleaning their grout, or their ‘weight loss journey’?

Why the fudge?

Because nowadays people don’t talk to each other, and they just want to vent, or let their opinions be known somehow I’d guess some may even be hoping they’ll find kindred spirits

And MN is about a lot more than parenting.

Perhaps you missed the bit where I said " built upon Mums connecting and discussing parenting......"

It isn’t just Tik Tok, it’s people I know IRL on Facebook and Instagram.

I said "Tik Tok and Instagram "
But the same applies with Facebook - you choose who you follow on Facebook.

If you think the content is ridiculous, why have them in your feed ?

We have easy, instant access to technology that means we can all make content of a reasonable..quality. Some of us are too humble, or too lazy, or too busy, or too self-aware and don't feel the need to share our opinions with the world. Some people probably think "my shit is just as worthy as half the stuff on TikTok"

This. I only ever really view Instgram or Tik Tok via what my kids want me to look at. I don't think I've seen a single parent wang on about them being the first person to ever have a child.

Just don't look at the videos. Plenty of funny cat ones to watch instead!

TikTok and the like is for folk that like talking about themselves.

And its rubbish

This.

Most of us don’t.

Some people do some things. Nothing you can do about it except click away.

Some people don't have a life outside their children/partner/house so it would be the only thing they talk about

But i don't get the feeling judged/angst over it 'some celebrity mentioned their child eats chickpeas and they have showed a video of their clean kitchen now i need to feel judged that i am a terrible parent my life is over now'

But i also think it is odd you having a problem about how people comment on MN a site designed for people to discuss things

I’m criticising the need to broadcast your choices, I don’t understand the need for it.

Perhaps they are getting constant cristism for their choices and this is the reaction to go on about how superior their choices are.

I BF in hope of reducing allegries in my kids mostly - did stop periods for years and tehy came back much more noraml - but allergies it didn't work and many years after stopping the glee some family members had to my kids developing potentially life threating conditions was horrifying - oh look shouldn't have brothered bf. Few years after that it well it's your fault they have asthma - in both sides of family - as you didn't bring them up on a farm - none of us are farmers.

I wasn't a militant BF - just did defend my choice from family but it was mentioned more than it would otherwise have been just because so many people felt need to share their opinion.

It's possible this is for a few some extreme reaction to similar situations - god knows parents and mothers especially can often do no right in wider society and everyone and their dog has a view on how other people's kids should be brought up - maybe they are getting in first and not realising they are part of the problem.