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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby name drama

81 replies

ThisBrickCritic · 27/04/2025 16:05

So myself and my partner are undergoing IVF and we have just had our first (and only) embryo transfer. We are waiting to find out if the transfer was successful.
Myself and my parter have discussed baby names and have decided that if it's a boy, he will choose the name and if it a a girl I will choose. My partner is a different ethnicity and cultural background to me and has chosen a name that aligns with his culture if it's a boy. I'm not overly keen on the name, but it's not terrible. It's import to my partner so I'm happy to go along with it. No issues, anyway the name Ive chosen for a girl is a nice name that I feel is suitable for both baby, child, adult stages of life. My partner likes it too. Anyway the issue is my mother. She keeps making a point of saying how much she dislikes the name Ive chosen. As far as I can tell the only reason she doesn't like it is it's because it's the same name of my step dad's ex wife's Neice, it's quite a popular name and is not considered 'out there' or anything. It's honestly ridiculous. My mother has always been very critical of me and there is a part of me that feels I could of chosen any name and she would of made a point of telling me how much she disliked it.
Anyway, after the second time this week of telling me she doesn't like the name I've chosen and shaking her head at it, I snapped at her. I honestly do not care if she likes the name or not and quite frankly I'm not going to change my name choice.
I just don't know if I'm being overly sensitive. I'm on lots of hormones currently and I am quite sensitive and emotional. I feel a little guilty for snapping at her, but also feel I don't need her to tell me every time we bring up baby names how much she dislikes the name. Am I being overly sensitive about it?

OP posts:
DownWhichOfLate · 27/04/2025 16:08

Bit odd to announce the name of a not yet conceived baby

Original poster
ThisBrickCritic · 27/04/2025 16:09

Thanks for really helpful comment. Not really what I asked though....

OP posts:
LadyKenya · 27/04/2025 16:10

No Yanbu. Your Mother will at least have plenty of time to get used to the name, if you do have a girl. It is rather unfair of her to keep showing her displeasure at your choice, but unfortunately you cannot make her find the name acceptable.

TheOccupier · 27/04/2025 16:10

Kindly, yes I think you are being hormonal and over-sensitive. But under the circumstances, it's understandable. Hope the IVF succeeds 💐

MadamCholetsbonnet · 27/04/2025 16:13

Oh dear! You NEVER TELL ANYONE THE NAME!!!

There will always be someone with “an opinion” and it’s generally not positive.

YANBU, but there’s nothing you can do now other than tell her to STFU.

ExpressCheckout · 27/04/2025 16:14

I honestly do not care if she likes the name or not and quite frankly I'm not going to chance my name choice.

Good luck with the IVF.

You are not being over-sensitive. You are being bullied. If you and your partner are in agreement then that is all that matters!

You and your partner may need to also consider how you are going to manage the behaviour of your mother once the baby is born.

Cabinqueen · 27/04/2025 16:16

So, the only reason she doesn't like it is because it's the same name of the your step dad's ex wife's niece... 🙄

Tenuous reasoning, not enough for you to be bothered about surely ... 🤷🏼‍♀️

Devonshiregal · 27/04/2025 16:17

Erm please don’t go along with a name for your CHILD that you aren’t keen on. That is insane. No one’s culture is so special that you have to not like your own child’s name?! Find one you both like from any culture and make your own family choices

heroinechic · 27/04/2025 16:21

YANBU. My mum is the same way and I just tell her that she had her chance to name her own kids. Now it is my turn to choose. She doesn’t have to like it but she has to be respectful.

Trallers · 27/04/2025 16:25

Your mum was incredibly thoughtless to think her own feelings about a baby name were important enough to whine about to her daughter undergoing ivf. If you've been dealing with infertility as the reason for the ivf then it's even more thoughtless. Maybe a little snap was necessary! Lesson learned for you - don't tell her anything you aren't happy to hear her complain about.

Ponderingwindow · 27/04/2025 16:31

Lesson one of being a parent: do not over share about your parenting decisions.

this starts by not sharing names until after the baby is born.

do not talk about you for feeding, nappies, clothing, sleeping, childcare, car seats, etc. Make your plans and just execute them. Accept what worked and adapt what did not.

If you talk about things it makes it seem like decisions are open for discussion. They are not.

TheignT · 27/04/2025 16:35

She'll get over it in all probability, people generally do. I hope all goes well, in your mother's position all I did was hope and pray that my DD and her husband got the baby they wanted the name was the least of it.

TheignT · 27/04/2025 16:38

Ponderingwindow · 27/04/2025 16:31

Lesson one of being a parent: do not over share about your parenting decisions.

this starts by not sharing names until after the baby is born.

do not talk about you for feeding, nappies, clothing, sleeping, childcare, car seats, etc. Make your plans and just execute them. Accept what worked and adapt what did not.

If you talk about things it makes it seem like decisions are open for discussion. They are not.

Generally I agree with you but I think where there have been issues with fertility it seems very important to enjoy the positives and possibilities.

Ponderingwindow · 27/04/2025 16:39

Also, you should both get to like the name for a child, regardless of the child’s sex. Maybe you each get unfettered choice on a middle name.

edited to add: see, talk about your parenting decisions and people feel free to comment on them, even strangers

ItGhoul · 27/04/2025 16:39

YANBU. It’s bloody rude to go on about not liking a name someone’s chosen.

PaperHatter · 27/04/2025 16:40

Firstly, never tell anyone any name you think you might use. Someone will either hate it and tell you or they will think it is lovely and use it.

Secondly, a name is something you should choose together. Giving one parent the authority to choose any name is risky. What is you only have boys? You will never get to choose a name and never have any input.

As for him choosing a name you are not overly keen on now is the time to speak up and agree that choosing a name together is the way forward. If you go ahead you will potentially completely hate the name on your baby.

If your Mother is not a nice person then go low contact and stop giving her information to hit you over the head with. Just because she is your Mother does not make her a good person to be around.

WitcheryDivine · 27/04/2025 16:42

Yanbu tell her that you don’t want to hear any more about it and you’ve got more important things on your mind. Her husband’s ex wife’s niece - I’m just amazed she even knows her name. I barely know the name of my husband’s ex let alone her family members.

Allswellthatendswelll · 27/04/2025 16:45

Hope your ivf works out. You have 9 months of pregnancy to choose a name. Why stress out now? Also why tell anyone else?

Moveoverdarlin · 27/04/2025 16:48

The only thing unreasonable is that you are going to call a potential son a name you are not keen on because it’s your husbands choice. I get the impression your DH wants to call a son a name from his culture but when it comes to a daughter he doesn’t have a say? What? Because she a girl?

As someone who has gone through IVF I would concentrate on it working first. Then concentrate on keeping the pregnancy. Then enjoy all the nice chats about baby names. I would categorically NOT let your husband have the only say on your potential son’s name. YOU have endured IVF, YOU carried the child for 9 months, then YOU will push the baby out. Why the fuck does he alone get to choose a boys name? Why would any mother name a child a name she’s not keen on? I can’t get over some people’s thinking. Your Mum is the last of your worries. Top tip. Name your baby a name you like. It’s really basic stuff.

Moveoverdarlin · 27/04/2025 16:51

Devonshiregal · 27/04/2025 16:17

Erm please don’t go along with a name for your CHILD that you aren’t keen on. That is insane. No one’s culture is so special that you have to not like your own child’s name?! Find one you both like from any culture and make your own family choices

I know. Fucking bonkers. Imagine being so under the thumb you name your baby a name you are not keen on.

mugglewump · 27/04/2025 16:52

I still remember my sister telling me I shouldn't call my DD Morgan because it was a name for Welsh rugby players. It didn't stop me and she hasn't mentioned it again in 20 years.

Original poster
ThisBrickCritic · 27/04/2025 16:56

Moveoverdarlin · 27/04/2025 16:51

I know. Fucking bonkers. Imagine being so under the thumb you name your baby a name you are not keen on.

Show quote history

I'm absolutely not under the thumb. Imagine making presumptions about someone you dont even know-fucking bonkers 🙄 like I said I the actual post. It was a mutual decision between both of us that he chooses the boys name and I choose the girls name. It's a name that will grow on me and I can shorten it to a nickname I like.

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 27/04/2025 16:57

TheOccupier · 27/04/2025 16:10

Kindly, yes I think you are being hormonal and over-sensitive. But under the circumstances, it's understandable. Hope the IVF succeeds 💐

Edited

OP is definitely hormonal due to the treatment and possibly over-sensitive as she must be feeling really anxious.

However, her mum is being totally out of order. She's had her chance to name her babies and now it's OP's and her DH's turn. OP may be over-sensitive but her mum is being really insensitive and instead of supporting her daughter, she is giving her something else to worry about.

godmum56 · 27/04/2025 16:57

Sort the matter out between you and your husband only. If you are happy with the agreement that you have then stick to it. Tell your mother to keep her beak out, but a good idea would just be to not discuss it in front of her and change the subject if she starts. BTW you only have control over what your child is called until they can talk. Then they will call themselves what they like, will likely be called something different by schoolfriends and once they are teenagers, it will be the LEAST of your worries. Wishing you luck and happiness.

Feelinglikeadiv · 27/04/2025 17:01

Your mum can just lump it. His ex wife, maybe I can see her point but she'd still have to get used to it, it's ancient history. Her niece and not even an unusual name? Nah. Hope the results are good news.