Baby name drama

[ThisBrickCritic]

So myself and my partner are undergoing IVF and we have just had our first (and only) embryo transfer. We are waiting to find out if the transfer was successful.
Myself and my parter have discussed baby names and have decided that if it's a boy, he will choose the name and if it a a girl I will choose. My partner is a different ethnicity and cultural background to me and has chosen a name that aligns with his culture if it's a boy. I'm not overly keen on the name, but it's not terrible. It's import to my partner so I'm happy to go along with it. No issues, anyway the name Ive chosen for a girl is a nice name that I feel is suitable for both baby, child, adult stages of life. My partner likes it too. Anyway the issue is my mother. She keeps making a point of saying how much she dislikes the name Ive chosen. As far as I can tell the only reason she doesn't like it is it's because it's the same name of my step dad's ex wife's Neice, it's quite a popular name and is not considered 'out there' or anything. It's honestly ridiculous. My mother has always been very critical of me and there is a part of me that feels I could of chosen any name and she would of made a point of telling me how much she disliked it.
Anyway, after the second time this week of telling me she doesn't like the name I've chosen and shaking her head at it, I snapped at her. I honestly do not care if she likes the name or not and quite frankly I'm not going to change my name choice.
I just don't know if I'm being overly sensitive. I'm on lots of hormones currently and I am quite sensitive and emotional. I feel a little guilty for snapping at her, but also feel I don't need her to tell me every time we bring up baby names how much she dislikes the name. Am I being overly sensitive about it?

This is good to hear. I'm hoping if the pregnancy is successful and it's a girl this is what's going to happen, that it will just be accepted and never mentioned again

Step dad's ex-wife I would have had some sympathy, stepdad's ex-wife's niece your mum just needs to stop being so pathetic.

Has she admitted this? Is why she doesn't like the name? Is there a nickname you would be happy for your mum to use?

But YANBU to be annoyed by her constant criticism of it, not at all!!

But why not pick a mutually agreed upon name you both like?

My dad didn’t really like the name we chose for our DD so kept referring to her sad ‘Mary’ (not the actual name) as in ‘and how’s Mary today’? while I was pregnant. It was a bit annoying but I’d just shake my head and say ‘Louise is doing fine Dad’. Didn’t matter one bit anyway we called her what we wanted and my father called her that after she was born.
Just tell your mum once and for all that it’s your decision you are happy with it end of discussion. But be prepared, your mum will have lots of opinions once baby is born so figure out how to nip it in the bud.

That's really nasty of her to rain on your parade. Tell her you hate your name or your siblings names so that she realises that everyone has different tastes and put her back in her box. Her opinion doesn't affect how you feel about the name.
Sending you sticky dust! 🌟

That's what my immediate reaction was to that post, which was irrelevant and a bit mean.

Of course I’m going to make presumptions about a female that says ‘I’m not keen on the name he’s chosen’. Why on EARTH would anyone with an intelligent mind do that? You know most mothers LOVE the names of their babies? Most don’t say to their DH ‘You decide, it doesn’t matter if I’m not keen, hopefully it will grow on me’.

Like I said, IVF and pregnancy are a rollercoaster of emotions. Name choosing is the fun bit. I wouldn’t waste an ounce of time falling out with your Mum over a name you like, worry about the name you DON’T like and just focus on the IVF working.

With kindness, I get the other posters point. I know it’s your mum, but I think with revealing any names early, you’re just giving people an opportunity to give their (unwanted!) opinions. Whereas when the baby is here and you’ve announced it, it’s just their name - people don’t think they have an opportunity to make you change it!

best of luck with the IVF 🤞🤞🤞

It is a helpful comment. Don't tell anyone your baby names before the baby is born and then you won't get bad reactions from family. It's nobody's business but yours.

Tell her that's the name that you have chosen and you will not hear anymore about it , if she keeps on then tell her you won't be discussing the pregnancy or plans for the baby with her in future.

Nope, it's nothing to do with your mum. What next, the second name you like she won't 'let' you use because it's the name of her old milkman's step mum's dog? Your baby, your name and she butts right out of all of it.

Fingers crossed for a successful outcome for you.

Because it's about compromise. We both don't absolutely have to both be in love with the name. I think the names ok, it will grow on me, He suggested one I really didn't like and I said no absolutely not, and he said likewise for a girl name I previously chose. It was a cute thing between ourselves that he gets to name the boy and I get to name the girl. It's really not that deep.

OP I think your mum would be critical of the name no matter what you picked. I think you made a good choice by telling her earlier on so she doesn’t ruin it for you when the baby arrives and steals the joy of it all.

Im sure it’s not an awful name so don’t feel bad or guilty as to how you reacted. I bet you she will come around eventually.

I agree.
Honestly OP I would just try and chill out a bit, as you know it may not work at all.

I agree I'm afraid that this dad picks the name for boy and vice versa thing. I can't imagine it.

But it's the name of your child, potentially your only child. You should love it or at the very least really like it and both have input not hope it will grow on you or you can use a nickname.... the name of your child is that deep and it's a weird choice to say your husband can pick a boys name because he has the same genitals.

I mean there are a million names out there you arent even sure you're pregnant yet so I'm sure you would be able to compromise on a name you both really like/love in over 10months. Compromise isnt saying that one person makes the entire decision on the babies name based on genitals., that's the opposite or compormise.

No YANBU. Next time tell her she’s told you her thoughts on the name already and there’s no need to say it again, but it’s not her baby and you like it. Ask her who chose the names of you (and any siblings) - her and your father, or the grandparents? (This only works if it wasn’t the grandparents…)

She needs to wind her neck in. I hope you are successful but if you are, it’s as well to start as you mean to go on as far as your mother's interference is concerned!

No sorry I meant to respond with this to the person who just but a stupid insensitive comment at the start of the thread. Most people hear have given really helpful advice and it's been nice to hear that some other people have had similar kind of things happen to them

To be honest I think when I have my baby I will love the baby so much it could be called potato and I honestly wouldn't care because I'll be so grateful to have a happy and healthy child

So your not pregnant, your not eve having a girl for sure and your worrying about something that hasn't happened yet.
Really OP, enjoy today, tomorrow isn't guaranteed for anyone
Your worrying about a pro le
That hasn't arisen.
Yabu to do that

I actually thought this original comment was really insensitive, rude and unhelpful. We have very good odds of a successful pregnancy with IVF and are very hopeful.

Have you talked about surname?

Rule 1: Never ever tell anyone the name!
Rule 2: See Rule 1

People will always comment or ‘steal’ it or just generally be a pain. More than that, the first person who should hear the name (apart from the other parent) is your baby when you meet them. Sending you much luck xx

There's just as much chance of me being pregnant than not so wouldn't say not pregnant. But thanks

Sending you so much love and luck with the IVF OP. I couldn’t even bring myself to contemplate names after the first loss and I think it’s lovely you are enjoying those little things as much as you can.

Try and ignore all the comments about what you’re doing with the girl and boy’s names. I am constantly baffled about how MN posters think that everyone has to think the same way as them, has the same cultural and social upbringings and can’t differ in anyway. And it wasn’t the point of your post!

We recently got past the 12 week stage after numerous losses and a number of years. I thought our parents would be nothing but thrilled but the first thing my in-laws requested was for us (read - me) not to “call it anything stupid like all parents do these days.” Was pretty upsetting that their first thought was not to be embarrassed by a name they didn’t like.

I think the only advice I can offer is (a) I agree that sadly your mother sounds like she would criticise any name you didn’t actually ask for her to choose and (b) follow Mark Manson’s advice which is that expecting people to act in certain ways will inevitably lead to disappointment for you. You cannot control people. You must try, if you can, to focus on what you want to do and what makes you happy and, respectfully, try to drown out your mother’s opinion. This is your journey, no one else’s.

Wishing you lots of luck!

If you don't care why did you veto the first name choice of your partner? I don't think I've ever come across a mum who didn't care what their baby was called. That's quite an unusual pov imo

Your mum is being ridiculous and it's nothing to do with her anyway