To be pissed off!

[Bloodymarvellouss]

Every single week children’s dad is late picking them up, I start work at 7:30 on a Sunday and he started picking them up at 8:30 so I changed it to then and now he still isn’t here even though I rang him to wake him up! The kids are at the window waiting for him and he turned it on me saying I need to get checked out for a mental health issue as I cannot deal with lateness! No I am just sick of this every single week!

It terrifies me when he drives with the kids as when we were together he would be falling asleep in the car. I think he has an oxygen mask now though

Does he know you start work later now? Or does it still think it’s 7.30 so he’s nearly 2 hours late? If he thinks you start at 8.30 I would tell him work have made you change your start time back to 7.30 but keep it as 8.30 so you’ve got an hours grace to start work. What do your work say about you starting late?

I kept my personal life very separate to my dd @Bloodymarvellouss I remember being asked, 'Did I have a boyfriend' I snapped back with a sharp, 'None of your business!' He stepped back with shock. I had never spoken to him like that. And because I never mixed dd with my private life, it literaly was none of his business.

So, so, so much happier it was like night and day. I got the old me back.

He met someone. I met someone. He went onto marry. I have never lived with a man since the divorce. Holidays, weekends and overnights suits me well.

Factual emails and texts. Stripped of emotion or opinion. Nothing to twist or argue about. It does take practice. Not answering when provoked is good!

Yes I don’t think I could re marry and do it all again, it’s early days yet though.

That’s a good point, I don’t think it would be unreasonable to tell him if he sleeps in and therefore doesn’t arrive on time you will report him to the dvla for safety reasons.

My dh has carefully managed sleep apnea but if we were in similar circumstances to yourself I would report him like a shot.

Which is good given he’s dropping off at school on Tuesday morning!

And? What’s the next step?

Arsehole. He is not a good dad. A good dad would be desperate to see his children. He would be there on the dot. He wouldn’t be too busy on a Saturday night.

Do you drive op?

You mentioned you got legal advice. What was that legal advice?

He wants you to react. Stop giving him your attention. Stop trying to work out why he's behaving the way he is. Don't tell the kids he's going to pick them up at a certain time, just that it's going to be some time in the morning. Can you reschedule your work start time to later but not tell him? Have pancakes with the kids and enjoy your morning together. He want to be in your head and at the moment he's succeeding.

Presumably the kids are happy when they’re with you.
They are only ‘hurting’ because you’re telling them when Daddy is due, and that he’s late?
Stop doing that. Just tell them he’ll pick them up on Sunday morning, and fill their time until he shows up - no commentary, no judgment. He arrives, you say bye bye, and off they go.
When you start work, just make sure they’re occupied - colouring books, iPads, a game to play etc.

You can’t affect his behaviour- he’s an arse.
So change yours. Stop feeding into the situation. Stop calling him to wake him, remind him etc. He’s not your responsibility- your kids are.

This
just this

I do yes

This seems like the best way forward, I can’t change what he is doing and the more I react I suppose the more he will do it

I just have to accept that the kids are not his priority although I cannot understand why. Are some
people just not cut out to be parents?

The next time you take a Sunday off work go out for the day with the DC and don’t tell him. When he kicks off “oh as you weren’t here at X time I assumed you weren’t coming”.

Absolutely no more ringing him, don’t get the DC fully packed and ready. When he turns up send him back to the car whilst the DC get ready as “I thought you weren’t coming”.

Make him having the DC be very obviously inconsequential to you

I just don’t understand how he thinks? How could I possibly have a mental health issue for being annoyed that my child’s father is constantly late picking them up?

He doesn’t think you have a mental health condition he likes making out that you are crazy & unreasonable so he can play victim.

He wants to be able to do what he wants, when he likes, be seen as father of the year, dumped by his crazy ex as he is perfect.

Don’t waste your energy bothering to think of him as a reasonable person.

I honestly genuinely thinks that I want him back (or likes to think that I want him back)

You mean you think that he thinks you want him back. Can't understand why. He sounds as far away from a catch that you could come.

Yes as he keeps saying that I still care when I call him to ask where he is. He either genuinely thinks that I want him back or just likes to think that.

It’s about his ego, he can play it to any new women that you are crazy and are desperate to have him back.

Stop giving him and his actions headspace. Complete grey rock and disengage from expecting him to behave like a decent dad or human being. He is playing games at his DC expense.

Loads of good advice here OP, so what's your plan for next Sunday?

Find this a bit bizarre but my daughter keeps singing shania Twain you’re still the one as apparently daddy plays it all the time haha!!