To be pissed off!

[Bloodymarvellouss]

Every single week children’s dad is late picking them up, I start work at 7:30 on a Sunday and he started picking them up at 8:30 so I changed it to then and now he still isn’t here even though I rang him to wake him up! The kids are at the window waiting for him and he turned it on me saying I need to get checked out for a mental health issue as I cannot deal with lateness! No I am just sick of this every single week!

That is horrible op. But you literally have zero control over when he arrives , when he wakes up, when he drops them off.

Please try to stop reacting and be "unbothered ' when he does drop them off. Acting as if you havent noticed.
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Going a bit off topic here but CMS have said his first payment is 1/06, what about mays payment, will I need to chase him for it?

Does he want me to take him to court you think?

Can you just go out for a an hour at his drop off time?

I pick them up from school on a Tuesday so that isn’t an option

The not knowing where he lives is bizarre. Surely if there's an accident or emergency you need to know where the kids are? He sounds like a controlling dick who doesn't have the kids best interest at heart.

I don’t understand how he thinks he is right it makes absolutely no sense to me, how can I possibly be the problem?

What would happen if you just stopped phoning to wake him up? I suspect he would get later and later till the whole thing tailed off and stopped, which would be a pain but at least you would know where you are.

I would stop contacting him on a Sunday morning. Get the kids ready and give them their ipads and a snack or sit them in front of the tv. The more you show it bothers you, the more he will like it.

But why? It’s so utterly bizarre and makes no sense as the only person he is hurting here is the kids.

Who knows. He sounds a right knob.

It's about control, he wants to control you. It doesn't stop when you break up with someone, he's like a cat playing with a mouse. It's a disgusting way to behave because as you say it's unfair on the children to be sat waiting for him at 8.30 and him not turning up for another hour. If he carries on the children will grow up and realise he was using them as pawns in his little game of trying to control/inconvenience you.

This is the reason why cafcas will always recommend that children are dropped off to the other parent so it then avoids them waiting at the window.

He does like it. It's also not safe that you don't know where he lives! You literally don't know where your own kids are, that's nuts!

It is nuts, but apparently I can’t do anything about it

No better advice needed. What she got was 100% correct. She has no right to his address, and he has no right to hers. It’s the choice of the parent if they give out their address or arrange drop off or collection another way. A court will not order them to reveal their address. She has no right to it.

Yes, it’s morally wrong but legally I don’t need to know

@Bloodymarvellouss you can go to school and see if he picks them up on time and just follow. then you can drop the kids off on the sunday at the correct time!! alternatively, if he doesnt arrive on time next sunday, take the kids out for the day!! just tell him you had plans and were unable to change them so took the kids with you!

And then he could legitimately contact the police about stalking and harassment. It might be bullshit, but he has said he feels unsafe giving out his address and won’t do it. I’m sure there are many messages between them to evidence his refusal and his reason. If she follows him to his home and then turns out at his home, and he goes to the police because she did that… it won’t look good for the OP.

“I don’t want you to know where I live in case you harass me.” And then she stalks him and turns up without an invitation? You’re really advising that?

Yes I would look a right nutter

I don’t know if anyone else answered this but CMS will calculate his payment from the day they made contact with him. So, from that day, what he owes will be included in his monthly payments starting on the 1st of June. It just takes them a while from contact with him to getting the calculation done and the payment schedule set.
It means he may not owe you a May payment. If they got in touch with him during April, then they’ll calculate from that day in April and the payment he makes from June will cover April and May (it’ll have been added in to the total and divided by 12 for the year).
You need to know what date they actually start their calculation from, and he only owes you a private payment from his last payment up to that date. And you can’t make him pay it; he might just refuse and tell you to wait for the CMS payment.

If you keep doing the same thing @Bloodymarvellouss and nothing changes, then you need to change what you are doing.
He is a twat. That is a given.

Maybe next week, put out a breakfast teddy bear picnic on a blanket infront of <kids favourite dvd> No mention of daddy at all. The novelty should distract them from the window.

No phone calls, no texts, no reminders, no alarms for their dad. Nothing.
Leave it absolutely up to him what energy and effort he puts in. When he picks them up, no challenges, no dirty looks, no pointed glances at clocks. Nothing. Zero. A cheery breezy bye bye see you to dc and shut the door.

I stopped engaging with my exdh. It gave him zero to argue with and took away the control he still had over me. I'll never forget the shocked look on his face the first time I shut the door on him. Took 4 weekends for him to turn up on time.

p.s. You lay the picnic out the night before. Any overnight bags for dc get made up and hidden in a cupboard the night before to be wisked out at last second.

Best of luck x

So it says on the statement first payment date 1/06, last payment date 1/05 I don’t understand it

This has everything to do with control; not telling you where he lives, deliberately late..it’s a shame that you haven’t got a parent/sibling or someone who could have them on Sunday at 9:30 & then just say to your ex if “if you’re late thats fine but they’ll be with my parents from 9:30 so you can get them from there” I know it’s not ideal but it takes some of the control away

Have you met somebody new now? Are you much happier? How did ex DH take it I’m dreading that

The medical condition he has should be declared to the DVLA. If it has not already been done so.

If the law allows the address not to be known, then the law should be changed.